


Hearts And Minds

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character Death, Hospital Sex, Medical Professionals, Moral Dilemmas, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Build, Surgeons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:37:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 58,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hospital AU, inspired by and loosely similar to Grey's Anatomy. Levi Ackerman doesn't have a perfect life, but he enjoys his job and loves being good at it. Along with his best friend Petra, it's all he really needs to get by. One night his life is turned upside down when he unknowingly has sex with his new boss, the skilled and charming neurosurgeon Erwin Smith. Levi thinks he knows pretty much everything when it comes to matters of the heart, but Erwin's appearance in his life leaves a few more things to be discovered. It also doesn't help that he has to deal with these pesky fucking interns and their stupid drama, along with the mysteries of his past coming back to haunt him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by some Hospital AU fanart I saw on tumblr: [this](http://winslowww.tumblr.com/post/104486233423/medical-au-neurosurgeons), [this](http://buttsketch.tumblr.com/post/72002577021) and [this](http://buttsketch.tumblr.com/post/68030316544). I've always liked hospital dramas, as trashy as they may be, so I decided to write a fic about it. And now we're here.
> 
> I'm not a medical professional nor a medical student. I did year 12 human bio and an entry level pharmacy unit and that's the extent of my knowledge. Be warned that there will be a lot of medical inaccuracies. If people alert me to them, I will definitely change them. I just don't have time to heavily research the intricacies of surgery. 
> 
> This story will also contain at least one character death, although I can assure you that Erwin and Levi will not die. I won't say whether or not they're "endgame", but it will be a (very) slow build.
> 
> I think that's all I need to talk about... If you have any questions regarding the tags, warnings, ships or content, feel free to send me an ask on tumblr (levierwins.tumblr.com/ask) or place a comment and I'll answer to the best of my ability.
> 
> Enjoy!!!

“I’m sorry, what’s your name again?” Levi asked as he picked up his clothes from the ground, first pulling his shirt over his head and then shimmying into his pants. The state of his bedroom was a mess, clothes still strewn on the floor and objects scattered in places that bare bodies had knocked them last night. It made Levi itch to clean, but he had to ignore it.

“Erwin,” the blonde stranger supplied.

“Ah, yes. Erwin.” Levi said, feigning an idea of recognition. He didn’t want to be rude, but he honestly couldn’t remember this man’s name. All he could remember was going out to get drunk and various snippets from his time with him in bed. “Last night was… great. But I’m late for work, so um… you can see yourself out?”

“Sure,” Erwin replied, sitting up in his bed to stretch out his body. “And I liked last night as well… Levi…”

Levi’s eyes zoomed in on Erwin’s beautifully ripped chest, before forcing himself to look away. He was clearly a very attractive man. He could easily go for round two right now as Erwin looked at him through those sexy as fuck eyes. All he had to do was reach out and touch…

_No, Levi, snap out of it._

He was late. So, _so_ late.

“Well, it nice meeting you. I’ll leave my phone number on the table.”

“Uh… Okay.” Levi winced as the awkwardness of his uncertainty seeped into the room. Second nights with one-night stands were generally a no go. But Levi didn’t really have the heart to disagree. “Nice to meeting you too.”

And in a matter of seconds, Levi dashed out of the door to his apartment, rushing to what was going to be a hellish day at work.

\---

By the time Levi realised that he shouldn’t have left a stranger in his apartment, he had driven too far to turn around and was already at his favourite drive-through coffee shop.

He picked up his phone and checked the time - fifteen minutes to get to work - before texting his roommate.

 _Any chance you’re still at home?_ – Levi

 _No, I left 30 minutes ago. Just like_ you _should have_ – Petra

 _Fuck. I left a complete stranger in our apartment_ – Levi

 _LEVI!?_ – Petra

_Sorry _– Levi__

_At least he was hot…_ – Petra

 _You saw him?_ \- Levi

 _I saw both of you last night. Very impressed, by the way_ – Petra

__Levi rolled his eyes and ordered his coffee and muffin. More memories of the night before were coming back to him, and suddenly, driving whilst texting became a necessity._ _

__Comparing notes on sexual partners was somewhat of a tradition between Levi and Petra._ _

_Yes, he was very impressive. In more ways than one_ \- Levi

 _I need details. His height and size imply an impressive endowment… The new interns look awful, by the way_ – Petra

__And with that, Levi’s mood plummeted back to reality. He had forgotten that today was the start of a new teaching year, and while that does mean he gets to climb one step further up the surgical ladder, it also means the allocation of new interns. And there was nothing worse than having to invest himself in a new group of idiots each year._ _

__He drove impatiently the rest of the way to the hospital, before parking awfully and refusing to buy a ticket. With little thought about how he’d suffer the consequences of a massive parking ticket later, he quickly walked through the hospital with ease, rushing to the lockers to pull on his scrubs._ _

__“You’re about to be late,” Petra whispered beside him, before turning to leave. “Aaaaand now you’re actually late.”_ _

__“You’ll piss Ian off, but at least the interns will think you’re a badass.” Oluo said as he followed Petra._ _

__With the knowledge that he’ll already be late, and will be punished either way, Levi takes his time pulling on his light blue surgical scrubs. He might as well make an entrance, just like Oluo said. Ian Dietrich, the current Chief Resident, can suck his dick._ _

__Well… suck his dick again._ _

__“Ackerman. You’re late.” Ian grumbled, as Levi sauntered up to the front desk._ _

__“Would it help if I said my dog ate my homework?”_ _

__“You don’t have a dog.”_ _

__“That’s why I was asking.”_ _

__Ian sighed in frustration and shoved a clipboard in Levi’s hands. “Here are your interns. Have a fantastic year here at Shiganshina Hospital!” He chirped sarcastically, before walking off._ _

__Levi’s eyes ran down the page. Four names neatly printed in a line._ _

__And then he looked up to see four people, neatly presented in a line. Chests puffed out, heads held high and an overbearing enthusiastic smell unique to only surgical interns._ _

__Just great._ _

__“Look, I don’t care about you, so don’t try sucking up to me.” Levi stated, tearing out the first sheet from his clipboard and throwing it away. The names listed are immediately erased from the back of his mind. “And don’t try telling me what your name is. If you’re good enough to be here, you’ll make me want to know your name.”_ _

__He can already see the short blonde one deflate in hope, with the tall brunette also looking weary. The smaller brunette also seemed to dampen, but Levi can still see a fiery determination in his green eyes._ _

__“Dr Ackerman, sir?” The tall one with the shitty two-toned hair asked, completely undeterred. “Can I just say what a pleasure it is to-”_ _

__Blah, blah, blah, blah... It goes on and on. Of course, two seconds after he told them not to suck up to him, somebody tries to suck up to him. Their listening skills are clearly subpar._ _

__So Levi looked back to his clipboard, drowning out the noises made by his intern whilst reading the daily briefing that he failed to attend in person. He’s missed morning rounds – but he’ll check up on his patients later after he settles these brats into their jobs – and has been assigned to the ER all morning. Further down on his schedule, an afternoon surgery with Zacharius and a night surgery with Shadis. Appropriately, Levi’s heart skips a beat. Maybe now that he's a 4th year Resident, Shadis will let him fly solo for a while..._ _

__“Just shut up, dude, he’s clearly not listening,” the one with the green eyes said angrily._ _

__“At least one of you has brains,” Levi muttered, before turning away to hurry down to the pit. He doesn’t tell the interns to follow, but he can hear the thumping of their shoes on the linoleum behind him. Good. At least they know to be on their toes._ _

__Being assigned to the ER can be monotonous and boring some days, but if you’re lucky, it can score you first dibs on a massive trauma. And today, Levi likes his chances._ _

__Sometimes, surgery is only a luck game._ _

\---

__“Hanji, they’re terrible and I hate them.”_ _

__“Have you even tried to have a conversation with them, Levi?”_ _

__“Well, no. But they don’t deserve it. They can’t even diagnose a bump fracture without my help.”_ _

__“Maybe if you tried to get to know them, you’d appreciate them more. Like I did with you.”_ _

__“Not likely.”_ _

__“Levi,” Hanji said sternly, poking a finger into Levi’s shoulder. “Be nice. I trained you well in the art of surgery, but unfortunately your social skills are still lacking._ _

__“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Levi replied, waving Hanji’s words away. He has always appreciated what they have to say, and he deeply admires and respects their skill, but sometimes it gets overbearing. He’s had three groups of interns now, and he knows how to handle them. “Everybody starts off with the tough love act though. I just… do it a bit firmer than the rest.”_ _

__“So I’ve noticed.”_ _

__The intercom breaks a quiet morning with a brutal announcement, “Three victims of a stabbing incoming. Two conscious and one unconscious.”_ _

__And just like that, the entire ER erupted in frenzied movement. Rooms are cleared, nurses move into position, equipment is dragged out._ _

__Hanji sprung into action, making their way to the door of the ER to await the ambulance. Levi followed._ _

__“Happy you came down to the ER yet?” Hanji asked with a sly smile._ _

__“We’ll see,” Levi replied, slapping on a trauma gown and gloves. Pretty soon Moblit Berner, another 4th year Resident, is jogging into view._ _

__“Hey Levi!” Moblit said cheerily. “Oh, and good morning Dr Hanji!”_ _

__Levi scoffed. Moblit has never been subtle about his feelings for Hanji. They bond over… weird surgical things. Levi overheard one of their conversations one time, and it was an experience he was never going to have again._ _

__The ambulance quickly squealed into view offloading two bodies on gurneys, with a second ambulance coming in behind. “Levi you take the one on the right, Moblit you take the one on the left and I’ll take the other one. I’ll check up on you soon.”_ _

__Levi nodded in reply, moving quickly to walk alongside the gurney while the Paramedic filled him in on the patient. “Andrew Dreyer, age 20, two stab wounds to the stomach and one wound to the head. Unconscious, but stable.”_ _

__Levi examined the puncture wound, careful to not to lift the wrap made by the paramedics too far. More blood loss was the last thing this man needed. “We’ll need a quick x-ray.”_ _

__He then moved to the victim’s head, where a huge flap of skull skin had been sheered off completely. He doesn’t lift it up, knowing that this is a job for a neurosurgeon. There’s no telling what damage has been done under that flap without an x-ray, and he doesn’t want to take any chances. “There’s also a major wound to the head. Make that two x-rays.”_ _

__Hanji comes jogging into view far more quickly than Levi expected. They must have lost their patient already. “Anything to report?”_ _

__“Getting him some x-rays,” Levi replied._ _

__Hanji does her own examination of the patient and approves. “I’m going to go help Moblit, so you’ll need a General and Neuro Surgeon. Page Pixis and Ehrlich.” Hanji then slapped their forehead dramatically. “Wait- no… Dr Ehrlich retired yesterday, the new Chief of Neuro is Dr Edward Smith!”_ _

__Dr Edward Smith? Levi looked down at his pager, quickly running through the list of contacts, to find nobody named ‘Dr Edward Smith’._ _

__“God damn it, Hanji, there’s nobody named Dr Edward Smith.” Levi muttered, looking up to see that Hanji has already floated away. He grimaced. “Can somebody page a Neuro Attending here now?”_ _

__While Levi waited for his x-ray to print, he began to ponder what Dr Ehrlich was doing right now. The man’s retirement had been a long time coming, I mean, his wife and all his friends had already passed on, to the point where surgery became his entire life. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing._ _

__Maybe one day Levi will be a sad, lonely, dinosaur like that._ _

__A hand tapped him on the shoulder, and Levi turned around to find the shitty haired intern with a hopeful expression. “Do you need any help?”_ _

__Levi huffed in annoyance. “No, I don’t. Go back to doing stitches and setting bones.”_ _

__“Well, I just thought-”_ _

__Levi has never been an angry person, but all of a sudden he begins to feel his aggression skyrocket, all focused on killing this one stupid intern. But just before Levi can loose his shit, a familiar voice interrupts, “We have this covered, why don’t you go on your lunch break?”_ _

Looking up, Levi does a small double take at the sight of the person before him; the same man that _he left in his bed this morning._

__The crushing reality that his one night stand is wearing dark blue Attending scrubs sinks in like a punch to the gut, as Levi gawks unflatteringly._ _

__This man is his boss... and he fucked him._ _

__He fucked his boss._ _

__And if he looked close enough, he can even see the hickeys that he left on his neck last night._ _

__“Hello Dr Ackerman,” he said calmly, but quickly, before moving to examine the man’s head wound. “I’m sorry we can’t stop to talk, but it looks like this wound may need surgery. Do you have any x-rays?”_ _

__“They’re printing now…” Levi said, pausing mid-sentence to realise that he can’t remember the man’s name. Hanji said something about an Edward Smith… but that doesn’t sound right at all. He swore his first name was something less common… more German, perhaps?_ _

__“You’re looking at me like I’m a ghost. If there’s something wrong, I’d prefer you’d voice it now rather than later.” The Attending’s voice was so smooth - just as smooth as Levi remembered it - but there were also deep and dangerous tones mixed in, and that was something Levi didn’t remember. He made it clear this wasn't play time - this was a man's life on the line. They had to be professional._ _

__Levi sighed. There was only one reasonable option left, if he wanted to handle this like a rational adult. He looked around him, quickly checking that there was nobody eavesdropping. “I forgot your name,” Levi muttered under his breath, catching a small glimpse of the man’s confused face._ _

__“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you?”_ _

_For fucks sake._ Levi took a deep breath and said a little louder, “I forgot your name.” 

__“Oh… I guess I should formally introduce myself,” he said, brushing it off with no insult, thankfully. “I’m Dr Erwin Smith.”_ _

__For once, Levi has no idea what to do or say next. Does he give his name as well? That’s probably unnecessary; Erwin already called him Dr Ackerman._ _

__Maybe he should fill the silence with talk about the patient._ _

__“So…” Levi started, before pausing. There’s nothing he could say about the patient that Erwin wouldn’t already know. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he desperately want to stop talking, but he has to finish his sentence now that he started it. “This patient… his name is Andrew.”_ _

__“I know,” Erwin replied. “It says so on my sheet.”_ _

__He probably looks like an idiot now._ _

No, _he does_ look like an idiot. A mumbling, stupid mess of a Resident who has no idea what they’re doing. He’s never looked as bad as he does now.

“Well I was just making sure,” Levi shot back, while Erwin smirks at him. He fucking _smirks._ So much for being professional.

__This nears the top of his list when it comes to embarrassing encounters._ _

__“The x-rays are ready and OR 5 is prepped to go,” a nearby nurse called out, breaking the awkward tension._ _

__“Alright, let’s go,” Erwin said, walking forward.__

 _ _Levi had no choice but to follow.__

 _ _

\---

__

“The swelling is bad, but the damage is minimal,” Erwin said, head lamp bobbing up and down as he performed his part of the surgery. “Without complications, the patient should recover.” 

“And what should we do next, Ackerman?” Dr Pixis, the overseeing General Surgeon, asked.

Levi cleared his throat and rattled on about what the steps are and what they should do next, just like good student should. Somehow, while Pixis and the other scrub nurses were here to fill in the gaps in conversation, doing his job became substantially easier.

“Great,” Pixis said, dramatically dumping his tools, “I’ll leave the rest to you?”

“Thank you, sir,” Levi said in genuine gratitude. The responsibility of being left alone with a patient, even at the end of a surgery, requires a lot of trust, and Levi doesn’t take the privilege lightly.

However, now he’s left with Erwin, and although they’re not entirely alone, it’s still unnerving and he has no idea what to say. Usually, there’s some general chat back and forth between surgeons, but right now, there’s silence. Pure silence. 

Even worse, Levi’s not thinking about what he’s doing. He’s thinking about the man a few feet away from him, and that’s dangerous for a surgeon of any kind. 

“Levi!” Erwin’s voice rang through Levi’s ears in a clear command. “The patient is in cardiac arrest."

“Shit,” Levi muttered, quickly finishing off the last of his stitch, before glancing back at the monitors. His numbers are through the roof. He looks back down at the man’s still open stomach, and there’s nothing wrong. Not even the tiniest bleeder. 

“Levi!” Erwin’s voice called to him again. “I can’t move from my place. Tell me what’s going on and I’ll walk you through it.” 

Levi swallowed. _Keep it together,_ he told himself. 

“Nothing wrong with his stomach,” Levi replied, taking a step back to think about what to do next. 

“Levi, he’s going to stop breathing-”

__“Yeah, I got that,” Levi said sarcastically, tearing off the cloth covering the man’s chest and immediately starting chest compressions._ _

__A scrub nurse wheeled the defibrillation machine up to them as the beeping increased. “You can’t defibrillate yet, I haven’t removed the electrodes.”_ _

__“No shit Sherlock, do you see me reaching for the paddles?” Levi sucked in a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm. Losing his cool isn’t going to help anyone. “How quickly can you finish it up?”_ _

__“Two minutes.”_ _

__“Hurry.” Levi listed the various medications needed to help start the man’s heart back up, and the scrub nurses easily comply. “Somebody page Shadis, we might be facing a cardio problem here.”_ _

__Erwin finished thirty seconds earlier than predicted, with just enough time to successfully defibrillate. Levi grabbed the paddles immediately and started to shock the man’s heart back to functioning._ _

__Once…_ _

__Twice…_ _

__And the on the third try, the heart monitor beeped back to life._ _

__Levi sighed in relief._ _

__Shadis entered the OR not too long after and talked through the possible complications. They both decide to monitor the patient and run more tests once they close him back up. Sometimes, in a set of freak circumstances, a person’s heart stops without reason._ _

__They’re just lucky Erwin managed to finish his surgery in time._ _

__Out of the corner of his eye, Levi can still see Erwin watch him closely, almost in fascination._ _

\---

__“He hates me,” Eren groaned into his disgusting hospital food. He should really be packing his own lunch, just like his mother told him to, but he knows that’s going to be near impossible. There aren’t enough hours in the morning. He’s going to be living and breathing this hospital for the next five years, anyway. He might as well get used to the awful food that will be impossible to ignore._ _

__“No, I think he likes you,” Armin, the other intern who had introduced himself to Eren this morning, said. “He hates the rest of us.”_ _

__“Yeah, especially that horse face guy-”_ _

“Hey!” A voice snapped behind him. The horse face in question took a seat at the table and scowled. Armin suppressed a giggle behind his hand. “My name is _Jean._ I’m pretty sure The Corporal likes nobody.” 

__“The Corporal?” Eren asked in confusion._ _

__“Yeah, that’s what everybody is calling Dr Ackerman. He’s like a war hardened soldier hell bent on kicking us down. Hence, The Corporal.” The other man in their intern group said with a smile. Eren remembered him as the most optimistic of the group at the start of the day, although his mood has dampened the more they’ve subject to hospital life. “I’m Marco.”_ _

__“Nice to meet you Marco, I’m Armin.”_ _

__“Eren.”_ _

__“Cool. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, who do you think’s going to be the first person in the OR?” Jean asked, clearly annoyed by simple pleasantries. “Ackerman hates us, so it won't be one of us. Anybody know any of the other interns?”_ _

__Eren looked towards another table where several other interns gathered just like them. He can recognise a few of them from this morning, but aside from that, he doesn’t know any names._ _

__“I tried talking to one of them, the short blonde one. She told me her name was Annie and then refused to acknowledge me after that.” Armin said with a shrug._ _

__“Sounds like a bitch,” Jean replied, busying himself in scoffing down food. “Don’t take it too personally.”_ _

__“Oh, no, I won’t,” Armin said, a soft smile gracing his face._ _

__“Well, nice chatting. I better be off.” Jean said suddenly._ _

__Eren swore there was food on his tray two seconds ago. “But our lunch break doesn’t end for another half an hour!”_ _

__“Like hell I’m going to spend the rest of that time sitting around and eating,” Jean scoffed. “None of us are going to impress anybody just sitting here. There are patients waiting and surgeries to be won.”_ _

__Eren had known that the internship was going to be cutthroat, but he never would have thought that people would be skipping lunch breaks in order to gain favour. And yet, when Eren stopped looking at Jean making his flight back to the pit, he found himself staring at Armin and Marco who were scoffing down the rest of their food just like Jean._ _

__“Damn it,” Eren sighed, picking up his fork in order to shovel his food into his mouth as a somewhat acceptable pace. He could only manage to go so fast. Lunch was his favourite meal, after all. “This place is going to kill me.”_ _

\---

__“You’re an extremely talented Resident.” Erwin said. They were standing side by side, filling out the necessary paperwork for the surgery. Levi could see Erwin stop every now and then to look at him out of the corner of his eye. It was distracting as hell. “Are planning to go into cardiothoracic surgery?”_ _

__“Yes, that’s the plan,” Levi replied, face buried in his papers, fully focused on not giving in to Erwin’s, quite frankly, inappropriate staring._ _

__“Well, you’ll be a great Cardio Surgeon.”_ _

Levi frowned and stopped writing. Erwin was fucking flirting with him – there was no doubt about it, because he had heard it all last night – the tone, the posture, the compliments, _the staring._ It was all meticulously planned so that Levi would drop his pants and fall onto Erwin’s dick. 

__In theory, Levi should be returning the affection given to him. Being in good favour with an Attending would score him more surgeries. Moblit flirts with Hanji, and he gets on all of their best cases._ _

But Levi is good at his job. _Genuinely_ good. He doesn’t need a one night stand to favourite him, and he certainly doesn’t need to be some Attending’s whore in order to gain surgeries. 

__Erwin continued to stare at him, and he could feel himself grow more annoyed by the second. This had been going on long enough._ _

__“Can you stop staring at me?” Levi asked, leaving behind all formality and respect._ _

__“Can you stop ignoring me?”_ _

__Levi stilled, before finally turning to meet Erwin’s gaze. There was a sense of vulnerability in Erwin’s words, something that Levi had yet to see from the man. Either he was really desperate to fuck Levi again or he wasn’t used to people saying no._ _

__“I’m not ignoring you, I’m politely dismissing you.”_ _

__“I don’t whether you’ve noticed, but nothing about you is polite, Levi.”_ _

__Levi’s anger boiled under his skin once again. “Dr Ackerman.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

“You keep calling me Levi. At the hospital, in my workplace, in _your_ workplace, I’m Dr Ackerman.” And with that, Levi turned back to his notes. 

__“So we’re really going to forget last night happened?”_ _

__Erwin seemed more hurt than ever, but Levi kept his strength. “Yes. It’s better that way.”_ _

__“I… Well, okay then.”_ _

__Now that there was an opening in the conversation, Levi decided to flee, bundling his paperwork into his arms. “Have a nice day, Dr Smith.” Levi said sarcastically. He can’t help but be a little sad. Erwin is a ridiculously attractive man, and he would have been a really good fuck buddy... if not for the fact that it was inappropriate.__

__“Can I help you with those?” The blonde intern said, appearing by his side and interrupting Levi’s internal monologue._ _

__“Sure thing.” Levi dumped the folders and binders into the blonde’s arms. The intern swayed lightly, but eventually found his feet. “Drop them and I will kill you.”_ _

__“How can you kill me…?” The blonde asked, horrified. “This is a hospital.”_ _

__Levi sighed. “It was figure of speech, fountain head.”_ _

__“Fountain head?”_ _

__“Hmmm, no,” Levi muttered, looking carefully at the intern’s bright blonde hair. “What about banana head?”_ _

" _What?_ ” The intern seemed thoroughly scared by that one. Levi smirked. 

__“It’s alright, banana head. It’s not the worst nickname I’ve created. I once called an intern a maggot. Would you prefer that?”_ _

__“I’ll stay with banana head.”_ _

__“Good choice.”_ _

\---

__“Hey Eren!” Armin called out as he neared a confused looking Eren reading charts on an unused gurney. “Has Dr Ackerman given you a… weird name?”_ _

__“What?” Eren said, looking up. “Sorry I was trying to make sense of the scribble on these charts, but it’s like Ancient Latin or something. You think in this day and age the hospital would have an iPad or something…”_ _

__“Dr Ackerman. He called me a banana head.”_ _

Before Eren could open his mouth, Jean interrupted, appearing out of nowhere. “He referred to you by a _name_?"

“Not _my_ name,” Armin explained.

“But _a_ name?”

__“I would call it more of an insult...”_ _

__“What did you do?”_ _

__“I carried his files...”_ _

“So you sucked up to him,” Jean said, deep in thought. “But you did it _without_ annoying him.”

__“I guess….”_ _

__“Hey… Can you guys read this?” Eren asked, holding up his chart. Armin leant forward, squinting his eyes to read the writing._ _

__“Blood type A+, diabetic, not pregnant, fracture in the-”_ _

__“Wait! Wait! Go back.” Eren screeched._ _

__“Not pregnant… Diabetic…”_ _

__“Diabetic?” Eren asked in horror. Armin nodded in reply and Eren quickly scrabbled for his things. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Gotta go bye!”_ _

__“Well he wins the prize for the first to screw up,” Jean drawled as they watched Eren run off dramatically._ _

__“Should we help?” Armin asked._ _

__“No, because you need to tell me everything about getting on Ackerman’s good side.” Jean said, grabbing Armin by his upper arm and dragging him down the hall._ _

__“I- Uh- Okay then,” Armin stuttered, blushing a deep, unwanted shade of bright red all over his cheeks. Luckily, Jean was too distracted with finding out information about their boss to notice._ _

__Or maybe unluckily. Armin had yet to decide._ _

\---

__Levi knocked tentatively on the door to Shadis’ office. Truthfully, he had only been inside the room a couple of times, and it was fairly unusual for the old man to let people in for a leisurely chat._ _

__And yet that’s exactly what Shadis had done._ _

__“Come in,” Shadis called, and Levi twisted the knob and stepped inside._ _

__“Dr Shadis,” Levi said respectfully with a nod. Shadis smiled, a genuine smile, and suddenly Levi was terrified. Shadis never smiled._ _

__“Come sit down.”_ _

__Keeping his chin held high, despite being terrified of what’s to come, Levi walked over to the chair opposite Shadis and sat down. He could see a glint in Shadis’ eye, and Levi mentally braced himself for a slew of insults and put-downs. He must’ve done something wrong in Dreyer’s surgery._ _

__“You want a drink, Ackerman?” Shadis asked, pulling out a draw full of glasses and liquor bottles._ _

__Levi stared stunned at Shadis, before shaking his head. “Uh, no thank you, sir,” he said wearily. “We have a surgery later, remember?”_ _

__“Ah, yes, in two hours, right?” Shadis continued to go through the motions of pouring himself a glass. “I admire your dedication, but it’s non-alcoholic.”_ _

__Levi on in confusion as Shadis drank, before finding the confidence to open his mouth again. “With all due respect, Dr Shadis, why am I here?”_ _

__Shadis gave a short chuckle. “You’re good, Ackerman. You’re really good, in fact, probably the best Surgical Resident I’ve seen in years.”_ _

__Levi frowned. This he already knew. This is something pretty much everybody knows. He’s topped his class from the very first day of intern year. He’s the front-runner for next year’s Chief Resident and the hospital’s coveted cardiothoracic surgery fellowship. Even if he didn’t get a fellowship at Shiganshina, he’s sure many other hospitals would gladly have him._ _

__As if reading his mind, Shadis replied, “But you already knew that, didn’t you?”_ _

__Levi nodded._ _

__“I’ll teach you everything I know,” Shadis said, ditching his glass and sobering up. That was probably the last thing Levi expected. Shadis is a brilliant cardio surgeon, and a good teacher, but he rarely put effort into any single student. Levi has been treated the same as everybody else so far, so it almost seems to good to be true. “Just like that?”_ _

__“Just like that,” Shadis said, standing up. “Don’t think too deeply into it, Ackerman. I’m sure other Attendings will be taking individual Residents under their wing. I’m just making my intentions clear from the start.”_ _

__Levi allowed himself a small second to smile, thanking Shadis gratefully. This is the start of everything he’s wanted, everything he’s dreamed of, and finally it’s here. The rush of holding a human heart in your hands is something Levi wouldn’t give anything up for. Surgery is his love and his life. A few seconds of smiling is acceptable._ _

__In fact, a moment of indulgence should also be acceptable._ _

Levi quickly dug his phone out of his pocket.

 _Are you free later tonight?_ – Levi

 _After 8, I will be_ – Eld

 _Perfect_ – Levi

\---

Levi tapped his foot against the floor as he leant on the side of the second floor nurse’s station at their usual meeting spot.

__“Levi! I wanted to talk to you.” Erwin’s voice called out from behind him, but Levi didn’t even turn around. “I’m sorry. I think I thoroughly screwed things up between us-”_ _

__“You didn’t,” Levi growled, annoyed by Erwin’s useless drabble. He was beginning to learn that anything the man said was pure bullshit. “I think you made it perfectly clear.”_ _

__“No. I didn’t.” Erwin insisted, quickly dashing so that he stood in front of Levi. “I was unprofessional. I’m truly sorry. Last night is in the past. We should start over, as an Attending and Resident.”_ _

__Levi raised an eyebrow, thrown off completely by the man’s sincerity. Erwin didn’t seem the type to apologise, not readily, at least. Levi still expects him to change his mind in a second, reverting straight back to being a slimy asshole, but as he stares back at the man's genuine expression of guilt, he lets himself give Erwin one chance._ _

One chance can't hurt, right?

__“Okay. I like that.” Levi agreed, putting his hand in between them for Erwin to shake, who accepts with a firm touch._ _

__Almost too firm._ _

__Levi can feel his skin light up as his nerves prickle with desire._ _

__“It was nice to meet you Dr Ackerman.”_ _

__This man is going to be the death of him._ _

__“Levi?” Eld asked, walking up to Levi’s side before stopping. “Oh. Should I leave you two alone?”_ _

__“No, the new Neuro Chief was just introducing himself,” Levi said, walking closer to Eld. “Nice to meet you too, Dr Smith.” He dropped Erwin’s hand and turned around quickly, walking away. “Let’s go Eld.”_ _

__Thankfully, Eld followed him without a word. The last thing he needs right now is Eld and Erwin talking to each other, although it's bound to be inevitable._ _

__“Well he’s gorgeous,” Eld muttered under his breath. “A new man for you?”_ _

__“No,” Levi quickly scoffed, thankful for his ability to smoothly lie. “No way. He’s an Attending.”_ _

“But he’s _gorgeous._ ”

__Levi opened up the door to an on-call room, checked to see if it was empty, and dragged Eld in. “Are we going to sit around and talk about our boss, or are we going to fuck?”_ _

__“Okay, okay,” Eld said, reaching behind him to lock the door. Levi trapped him firmly against the door, despite being a foot shorter, and made quick work of his clothes. “You’re really worked up today.”_ _

__Levi cut any other words that Eld would of said with a searing kiss, all tongue and teeth with no finesse. “Shut up and bend over the bed will you?”_ _

__Eld chuckled, pushing his scrub pants to the floor. Levi immerses himself in the familiar scent and feel of Eld. It reminds him of warmth and safety, while also being dangerous enough to have a good time. It's familiar._ _

__But even as he’s fucking into Eld, he can’t help but let his thoughts wonder off to Erwin, who, even in an alcoholic haze of partial amnesia, had felt so much better than this._ _

He comes hard at the though of how Erwin would feel sober.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think via a kudos, bookmark or comment. Find me at levierwins.tumblr.com


	2. Negotiation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten about this, I've just had terrible writers block lately (and I've taken on too many other projects >__>). I'm sorry!!

“How the _hell_ could you just forget that the patient was diabetic?”

“I didn’t forget… I just couldn’t read it.” Eren explained lamely, eyes shifting the floor. “I’m sorry, sir, but your handwriting is really messy.”

Levi scoffed, snatching the chart out of Eren’s hands in order to survey his handwriting for himself. He tipped his head to side in confusion as he inspected his writing. 

Eren held his breath, waiting for Levi to yell at him, but it never came. 

“Don’t let it happen again, brat,” Levi said softly, pushing the chart back into Eren’s hands. “Now go home. I don’t want to see your face.”

“Yes sir,” Eren said quickly, scampering away. He counted his stars lucky that the man didn’t rip him a new one.

“Did he yell at you?” Armin asked as they changed into their civilian clothes and collected their belongings from their lockers.

“No, not really,” Eren said squinting. “In fact, he was quite soft spoken. He called me a brat though.”

Jean groaned beside him. “You too? Marco got called ‘Freckles’ which makes me the only one without a nickname.”

Eren snorted. “That’s probably because he already knows you’re ‘Horse Face’”

Jean’s face shifted from normal to angry in three second flat, eyes narrowed and fists clenched. “Say that again, I dare you.”

Eren paused, although entirely unfazed by the other man’s display. “Back off dude. Can’t you take a joke?” 

“Not when it comes to this, no,” Jean said, releasing the tension in his muscles. “This isn’t a joke. By the end of the year, half of us will be kicked out. Good luck being one of those people.”

Eren watched as Jean walked away. “And they told me I had anger issues,” he scoffed.

“He has a point though,” Armin said, shutting his locker. “You don’t want to get kicked out, do you?”

Eren lets the question sit heavily in his stomach.

\---

“Hey Oluo, have you seen Petra around?” Levi asked as he passed the other man in the corridor. If anyone knew where his best friend was, it would be him. Levi doesn’t even think Oluo realises how obsessed he is with Petra.

“She went home an hour ago,” Oluo replied.

“Did she seem… out of the ordinary?”

“Not that I saw. Is something wrong?”

“No, Oluo, everything’s fine.” Levi turned around and walked away

“That wasn’t very convincing,” Oluo called out, walking fast to catch up to Levi. “Hey, if something’s going on I should- AH FUCK.”

Levi snorted, watching as Oluo struggled with his tongue once more. It was a recurring joke that Oluo kept biting his tongue whenever he was running or jogging whilst talking, which was quite often in a hospital.

The man wasn’t anywhere near as smooth talking as what he thought he was.

“Oluo, it’s fine. Everything’s fine.” 

He turned to his phone.

 _Petra, I have an emergency_ – Levi

 _One of the medical kind or one of the sexy kind?_ – Petra

 _Both_ – Levi

 _Okay now I’m listening. Did you and Eld do something kinky in the hospital again?_ – Petra

Levi grunted in frustration.

 _Something much, much worse_ – Levi

 _Spit it out then_ – Petra

 _I’ll be home in 30 mins_ – Levi

 _No. You have to tell me now!_ – Petra

 _Levi?_ – Petra

 _Levi!!!!_ \- Petra

 _Damn you for leaving me hanging, bitch_ – Petra

\---

As soon as he Levi got home, he dropped dramatically onto the couch and sighed. Their apartment was small and minimally furnished with a few decorations and pictures hung up here and there. There’s paint hanging off the walls in places and damaged appliances in the kitchen, but they’re always too busy to renovate. People call it depressing, but Levi doesn’t mind. 

Anything is better than the garbage can that he grew up in.

Petra said nothing and placed a beer in Levi’s hands. He took long swigs of the drink until he was satisfied enough to talk. 

He took a deep breath, “So the new Chief of Neurosurgery…” But Levi stopped, unable to find the words to complete his sentence.

Petra tried to fill in the blanks. “Is hot?” 

Levi shot up in his seat, alarmed by the fact that Petra would know this already. “You’ve seen him?”

“No, I just heard from various sources that the man was very attractive,” Petra said, eyes narrowing. “What is going on, Levi?”

“I don’t even know whether I can say it…”

“Levi!! Don’t leave me hanging twice!”

“I can’t say it.”

“ _Say it_ ”

“I fucked him,” Levi blurted out. 

Petra’s expression turned from confused to horrified to angry before she shouted, “You _WHAT_? He’s been at the hospital for one freaking day, and you've already _fucked_ him?”

“Well, _no…_ "

“Well… _how_ then?”

“That guy that I took home last night,” Levi said sheepishly. “Same guy. Now my boss. The Chief of Neuro.”

“No,” Petra whispered, horror spreading across her face. 

“Yes.”

Petra started to wave her hands as she fretted. “He saw me!!!” She screamed in despair. 

Levi frowned. “He saw you?”

“When he took you upstairs, he saw me and waved!” Petra explained, digging her hands into her face. “I can’t believe this. My boss was in my apartment… My boss was in my apartment fucking my best friend… My boss was-”

“Hey, don’t make this about you. _I’m_ the one who fucked him.”

“It’s still embarrassing for me,” Petra sniffed and Levi sighed. Petra had a tendency to be overdramatic sometimes, but she didn’t take herself too seriously, and Levi was thankful for that. 

“I’m sincerely sorry for my inappropriate dick and how that affects you, Petra.” Levi drawled sarcastically. Before Petra had time to rebut, he quickly switched the subject back to himself. “Don’t you want to know about how awkward it was for me to work with him in the OR?”

“Oh em gee, _yes_ ,” Petra gasped. “Tell me everything.”

Levi proceeded to tell her about his day, sparring no awkward moment or glance, and leaving in every single gory detail. By the end of the story, Levi was feeling significantly better about the situation. It helped to get his feelings off his chest.

If he could just avoid Smith and stay away from neurosurgery, everything might just turn out okay. Out of sight, out of mind. 

“And then you went and fucked Eld, right?” Petra asked nonchalantly. Levi’s jaw dropped in shock - how could she possibly know?

Then again, everybody knew about his fling with Eld.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Levi denied, standing up to walk out of the room and away from this conversation.

“Levi,” Petra started, lowering her voice. “I know you. I know what you do when somebody wants more from you. You go and have sex with Eld again.”

Levi frowned, unsure of what Petra was trying implying. “Are you saying I’m a slut? Because I already knew that.”

“No, I’m saying you’re emotionally distant and unable to form connections,” Petra explained, leaning forward. “I say this in the nicest way possible Levi… you’re kind of a loner.”

This was absolutely none her business. Levi felt anger boil in his stomach.

“I am so offended right now,” Levi said, standing up. He’d had enough. He didn’t need to be here. “You of all people don’t have to right to lecture me on emotional distance. If you want to be my shrink, maybe you should move to the Psych ward and get your doctorate there instead of wasting my time.”

He tried to storm off, but Petra’s hands grab his shoulder and pull him back.

“I’m sorry Levi,” Petra said sincerely. “I didn’t mean it to be offensive.”

Levi shook her off and continued his journey to bed. It’s been a rough day, and he doesn’t need to deal with Petra guilt tripping him.

Besides, everything she said was wrong anyway. 

\---

“I’m shaking things up today,” Ian declared as he strode into the Senior Resident locker room with all the confidence and prestige of an Attending. It was disgusting.

“Wow, Ian, I didn’t know your middle name was ‘Taylor’ and your last name was ‘Swift’,” Hitch Dreyse sniggered, her natural born bitch face curling into a wicked smile. She was one of Oluo’s interns last year, and Levi respected the fact that she made his job really hard. Her jokes were funny and she was good at her job. He couldn’t complain about that.

“Can we please cut the crap while I’m speaking?”

“I guess… the haters gonna hate, hate, hate…”

Levi bit his lip, desperately trying to contain a smile while the rest of the room erupted into small bouts of laughter.

“Thank you, Dr Dreyse, for volunteering to go to the ER today, just like Dr Ackerman had yesterday. At the rate we’re going, we won’t have to take it in turns to go down there.”

Everybody shut up and pretended that they were afraid of his words, but they all knew there was a perfectly reasonable way of getting out of going to the ER. Moblit is almost always happy to switch.

Levi listened absentmindedly while the rest of the Residents were put on services outside their preferred specialties, which was highly annoying. Probably Ian’s idea of fun.

He expected to be scheduled to something monotonous like ortho, until Ian’s voice finally called out his name. “Dr Ackerman, you’re with Dr Smith today in neuro.”

Petra let out an audible gasp, and everybody in the room looked towards where they were standing. Levi felt like yelling at her, but he knew that would only further his problems. Ian didn’t think too much of it, and continued to list their placements, leaving plenty of time for his words to sink in.

He was going to have to work with Erwin for the next week.

Fuck.

After Ian announced that rounds were in 15 minutes, he and the other 5th year Residents all but ran away to go do whatever they could to log more hours in at the OR.

“So what’s going on?” Oluo asked, looking to both Petra and Levi. “Levi, you look the grumpiest I’ve ever seen you without a hangover, and you, Petra, look as though you’re keeping a big secret. Spill.”

“Petra and I had a fight last night,” Levi said before Petra could even open her mouth.

“What about?” 

“Cooking. I said that Petra could barely even bake a cookie, and she got upset.”

“Well, that is kind of true,” Eld said as he entered the conversation. “Sorry, Petra.”

Petra shrugged, playing along with the lie. “Well, I mean, Levi wouldn’t let me cook even if I was good at it. Too much of a control freak, eh?”

They all laughed 

“I’m sorry,” Levi whispered the Petra when all the other guys had run off. He hoped Petra would understand; he needed his best friend right now.

“It’s alright,” Petra replied, smiling. All was forgiven, because she knew that a Levi apology was rare, and almost always heartfelt. “But how are you going to survive this week?”

“I don’t know, to be honest.”

“Well… just call me if you need me, okay?”

Levi made a mental note to put her number on speed dial.

\---

“This is a patient of mine I’ve bought over from Sina,” Erwin explained as he led Levi down the halls of the hospital to rather secluded part of the radiology wing. Levi wondered why the patient was being held in the radiology wing, but he held his tongue. “Simply put, she has an intramedullary tumour on her spine. It’s benign, but growing at a steady pace. She can’t walk, talk or eat. She doesn’t have a life anymore.”

Levi nodded. That was fairly common with spinal tumours, as they impeded and grew on nerves. 

But when Erwin opened the door for him, there wasn’t a patient.

“Wow,” Levi breathed as he stared at the multitude of x-rays mounted along the walls. They show every single intricate detail about the tumour – every angle, every vessel, every space – to the point where they’re literally looking at thousands of dollars worth of x-rays. 

“This is what I’ve been working on for the past month,” Erwin said, stepping over the computer and pulling up notes and notes on what was probably the best way to approach the tumour. “Part of the deal to transfer here was bringing along this patient with me.”

Levi looked to one of the bigger x-rays in the room. The tumour has spread all the way down the woman’s spinal cord, wrapped around it and firmly planted itself with many, many blood vessels. It was inoperable. Beyond inoperable, perhaps. There was no way any surgeon on the Earth could ever even attempt to remove this tumour.

And yet here stood Erwin Smith, bright blue eyes sparkling like he was going to save the world with a scalpel.

“What do you think?”

Levi shook his head in disbelief. “I think you’re crazy. There’s no way you can operate on this woman without killing her.”

“Hear me out,” Erwin said quickly, as if knew that was going to be Levi’s response. “I’ve been doing some research, looking into experimental methods. Give me twenty minutes of your time, and I’ll give you the basic run down.”

Levi wanted to tell him he was delusional, but he decided to give the man a chance. He was the Attending, after all, and he was here to learn. “Okay,” he said, “Tell me.”

Erwin smiled a broad grin and launched right into his speech. He covered the way he was going to approach the tumour in steps, with a few experimental methods to remove every single cell and blood vessel. He explained it with a bounce to his step, as he was a child talking about Santa Claus.

He was passionate as hell, and by the end, Levi found himself convinced that removing the tumour with the patient’s life intact was possible. Not very likely, but possible.

“You do realise that you could be killing a woman unnecessarily, right?” 

“I have the patient’s full consent. She begged me to take on this case.” 

“Alright,” Levi said. This surgery was too good to turn down. “I’m in.”

Erwin smiled genuinely once again, and Levi wondered if that was something that didn’t happen very often. Clearly surgery, and in particular, life threatening tumours, was this man’s passion above anything else.

“I knew I could count on you.”

_Wait._

“As in…” Levi started cautiously, before raising his voice, “You picked me to be on this case?”

“Well of course I did-”

“You’re just trying to seduce me again, aren’t you?” Levi spat, eying the man off in disgust. How dare he? After going out of his way to apologise… After he gave him a second chance, he tries to pull this bullshit again? 

There was no way Levi was going to let himself be won over by a monster tumour - and shame on Erwin for thinking he was going to be that easy.

Levi shook his head in disgust and he turned around to leave.

“Wait, Levi-”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“Stop- I’m not trying to seduce you!”

“Yeah? Then why the hell are you handing me this crazy insane surgery?” 

“Because you’re _good_ ,” Erwin insisted. Levi stilled and his eyes narrowed. “I don’t know any other Residents here, but I saw you in the OR yesterday and I know you’re capable enough to take this on.”

Levi was unsure if Erwin was just flattering him to stop him from walking out, but before he could question it, Erwin pulled out a picture from his pockets and held it out for Levi. 

“Her name is Anka Rheinberger and she became a single mother of three when her husband died in the army. She used to be in the military too until they discharged her when her tumour took too much of her mobility. Now she’s unemployed and living off minimal measly government pay checks, barely enough to support herself and her kids, who now have to live with their Grandmother.” 

Levi’s eyes narrowed. So maybe Erwin wasn’t trying to seduce him, but his argument was still flawed. 

“If you kill her, these children will be orphans.”

“She can’t speak or walk,” Erwin explained, pocketing the picture once more. “She can’t do _anything_ for these children, not to mention the fact that she’s in pain herself. If we don’t operate, she’ll die anyway. It’s better to take this chance, than give her a couple more months guaranteed with her children.”

Levi thought it through and Erwin stared back at him, hopeful in his gaze. He wasn’t used to being turned down, after all.

“When she could still speak… she told me that she didn’t fear dying if there was nothing else that could be done, but she did fear dying when there was something that could be done. I think something can be done.”

“Okay, _okay_ , you’ve convinced me,” Levi said quickly, trying to stop the mushy crap that Erwin was spewing.

Erwin beamed. “Thank you, Le- Dr Ackerman. You won’t regret it.”

Levi hoped that Erwin was right, and that he wouldn’t regret it. Working with Erwin was already proving to be a strain, but this tumour is… well, amazing. If this surgery were a success, Levi wouldn’t be surprised if it ended up in journals and books and news stories.

And his name would be right there underneath ‘Erwin Smith’. There’s _no way_ Levi would turn down that kind of exposure.

“However, I have a few concerns about your approach…”

And so it began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at levierwins.tumblr.com 
> 
> Hopefully I won't be trash and update soon.


	3. Choices

“I want in,” Petra said as she slid into the seat next Levi with her tray of cafeteria food. “Get me into the surgery.”

Levi was currently slaving away over a plastic version of the monster tumour which Erwin had provided him. He had a very specific and important role that he had never done before. While Erwin cut around one side of the tumour, he had to cut around the other, and he had to do it perfectly. There was no space for error.

“I have no idea what you’re talk about…”

“You do! Your fuck toy had a massive surgery and you got in above everybody else.” 

“If you’re going to sit here and tell me how much of a massive slut I am again, I’m just going to disappoint you and leave.” He didn’t have time for it. He _needed_ to practice.

“Okay, okay, fine, I’ll back off,” Petra said, leaning forward just a tiny bit. “But if he’s looking for more residents to scrub in, you’ll put in a good word for me, right?”

“Of course,” Levi said, finishing up the last cut to the plastic tumour. It was a good job, but he knew he could do better. He pulled out another plastic tumour and started again. “But he won’t. He’ll be picking the rest of the Residents through a contest.”

Petra lit up, almost bouncing in her chair. “What contest?”

Levi shrugged. “I don’t know. How about _you_ ask him?”

“No, I don’t want to,” Petra complained. “Could you just give me a tiny hint? Pretty please?”

“You have to keep your hands really still.”

Levi sighed as he watched Petra run off and leave her food untouched on the table. It was a big surgery, and everybody wanted in. She was the first to pester him, but she certainly won’t be the last.

But some part of him wished that it was just him and Erwin in the OR. They had fallen into a comfortable companionship. There were no ulterior motives or flirting, just working together to save a life. Erwin was truly talented, and Levi felt privileged to be working underneath him.

He wanted it to stay like this forever.

"Hey Levi. What's this about a contest I hear?" Oluo asked as he slid into Petra's seat. And it all started again. 

"No."

\---

“Erwin, hey!” A familiar voice called out, stopping Erwin in his tracks.

Erwin turned around, coming face to face with none other than Nile Dawk. “Nile,” he greeted warmly, opening his arms for Nile to give him a fleeting hug and a pat on the back.

“I’ve been looking for you since Monday, but I haven’t managed to find you. You do realise I have an office, right?” 

Truthfully, he had been avoiding this. He was hoping to just slip into the hospital unnoticed, but he guessed that the groundbreaking tumour dissection sort of prevented that. Not that he didn't want to see Nile, but he just didn't want to deal with the awkwardness of seeing him after such a long time. He had other things to worry about.

Erwin laughed and gave his old friend another friendly pat on the shoulder. “Sorry about that, I’ve been really busy transferring this spinal tumour patient over from Sina.”

“Ah, yes, that spinal tumour is all the buzz now,” Nile said awkwardly looking to the side. “If only my research and trials into full face transplants could generate that much publicity…”

“I’m sure it will one day,” Erwin said sincerely. It was true, one day Nile’s work would be the standard for extreme burns victims and congenital malformations.

Nile waved off Erwin’s words. “Tell me how you’ve been settling in.”

Erwin paused. His first couple of days at Shiganshina were less than ideal, but he guesses it could be worse. He decides on a neutral phrase. “Okay.”

“Just okay?” Nile asked, clearly digging for information. He hadn't changed much. “It sounds like you’ve already taken a protégé under your wing.”

Erwin can’t help but let a small smile creep onto his face at the mention of Levi. “Dr Ackerman? No, I think his heart is firmly set on cardiothoracic surgery.”

“No pun intended?” Nile asked, grinning. Erwin snorted at his friend’s lame joke. It was just like the old times, back in med school, when they were young and free and foolish.

“Of course not.”

“Well I’m glad to know you’re doing okay,” Nile said, face softening. Erwin's stomach drops and his head starts to pound. He can predict the words before they’re said, and his whole body is screaming at Nile to stop. “Ever since I heard about what happened-”

_No, no, no, no... I don’t want to hear about this, not right now. I need to be focused._

“It’s fine,” Erwin insists, cutting Nile off. He decides on flight rather than fight. “I should get back to my spinal tumour.”

“Oh- Well, good luck!”

But Erwin was gone by the end of his sentence.

\---

“Didn’t you hear?” Jean asked, his slimy, arrogant voice already making Eren angry. “All the Residents are competing to help assist the surgery. They have to keep their hands still for an hour. I’m practicing.”

They were all situated at their regular hang out spot in the vacant corridors that held all the broken and unused gurneys. Eren wouldn't say it was the best spot to spend their breaks, but it was certainly peaceful. Unfortunately, the Corporal had found the spot easily and wasn't afraid to interrupt their breaks with jobs.

Like right now.

“Not gonna happen,” Levi said as he walked up to the group of interns. He had his usual judgemental face on and somehow Eren knew this wasn’t going to end well. “Senior Residents only.”

Jean's hand dropped depressingly.

“Dr Smith has kindly offered one of you the best viewing space in the OR,” Levi explained, “And I get to decide.”

Jean’s hand shot straight up into the air like a schoolboy. “Sir, I think that I should-”

“Shut it Horse Face, I don’t want you in the OR. You’re too annoying.”

Jean whined in defeat. Eren sniggered and Levi turned to him.

“You let a diabetic go into shock, so you’re obviously a liability.”

Eren’s face went red and now it was Jean’s turn to snigger. If their superior weren’t here, he would slap that smirk off his face so quickly.

“So I guess it’s down to Banana Head and Freckles.” Levi said, looking back and forth between the two. “Banana Head is definitely knowledgeable.” Eren would have to agree with that judgement. When it came to daily rounds, Armin always got every single question right. “But Freckles is the only person who can put in a central line by themselves. And he doesn’t piss me off with stupid ass kissing, whilst still being respectful enough to not look disinterested.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he finally rested on Armin. “I’ll have to go with Banana Head. There might be something worthwhile in the bottomless brain of yours when we get in there.”

Armin’s face lit up and Eren smiled. His new friend was kind and talented, a clearly deserving winner. He knew he should be jealous, but he honestly wasn’t. He was happy.

“Thank you so much, sir!” Armin chirped.

“Don’t thank me,” Levi muttered as he walked away. “If I had my way, none of you would be anywhere near an OR.”

Jean shook his head. “Why does he have to be so cold?” He asked when Levi had left. “If he was a good teacher he would have let every single one of us compete fairly. Not that you don’t deserve it Armin.”

Armin blushed. “It’s fine.”

“Well he has been through this before, you know,” Eren interjected harshly. “He’s top of his class and he’s experienced. He’s almost doing surgeries by himself whereas you haven’t even assisted yet.”

“Are you calling me dumb?”

“No, I’m calling you arrogant,” Eren said. “You’re not the best at everything, and you’re certainly not better than Dr Ackerman, who has four years of experience in the OR.”

Eren could see the anger in Jean’s eyes, but the other man didn’t say anything else, only quietly walking away from the group. Marco gave Eren a polite glance and ran after him.

Eren turned to Armin. “But I was right, wasn’t I?”

“It was a bit harsh,” Armin admitted. “But just a tiny bit.”

Eren sighed. He was too apathetic one minute and too involved the next. He honestly couldn’t win.

\---

“Did you choose which intern you wanted to take in?” Erwin asked, hands shuffling through his cue cards. They were supposed to be talking to the press – who had taken a likening to this case – but Levi was only going to stand there and do nothing. Just the way he liked it.

But his time could still be spent more productively.

"Yes," Levi replied. “Who won the Resident contest?”

“Dr Ginn."

Just fucking great. He’s going to have to spend eight hours with Eld and Erwin together in an OR. It's like somebody is rooting for him to fail.

“He’s very capable,” Levi said, frowning. “But Petra’s going to be so mad.”

“Petra… the strawberry blonde that you live with?” Erwin asked with a hint of cheek in his voice. 

Levi paled. He’d forgotten that they’d met in less than professional circumstances, and although Petra was expecting to run into the blonde at some point, Erwin was probably completely unaware that she worked here. 

He pities him, but at the same time, he would of loved to have seen Erwin's face when he realised.

“Uh, yeah… Sorry, I forgot to warn you about that,” Levi said apologetically.

“It was amusing to say the least,” Erwin replied, flashing another one of those goofy-yet-totally-sexy smiles that Levi wishes he could unsee. 

Levi quickly took out his phone.

 _You are so dead_ – Petra

 _Yep, she's mad,_ Levi thought as he pocketed his phone again. There wasn't any point in replying, because there was nothing he could say. He had considered putting in a good word for Petra with Erwin, but that probably wouldn’t have changed anything. Erwin was looking for the steadiest hand, and by the looks of it, Eld was that person.

And Levi wasn't going to jeopardise the patient's life.

“Show time,” Erwin said, leading Levi toward the small podium set up in front of the journalists. Levi took his place on Erwin’s right and settled in for stupid political drabble.

Erwin went through the procedure for both medical journals and mainstream new outlets, explaining it fully and also in plain English. As Levi looked into the camera that was focused fully on him and Erwin, Levi wonders if his face will pop up on the news tonight.

Maybe _he’ll_ see it and finally be proud….

_Nope, no way. Never._

“And who is your right hand man?” The action of one of the interviewers motioning to Levi startled him out of his stupor.

“This is Dr Levi Ackerman, my partner and assistant on this case. He has provided invaluable input and expertise, and I wouldn’t be able to do this without him.”

Levi’s jaw dropped slightly. What a fucking kiss ass liar. Erwin was always going to do the surgery with or without Levi. Erwin smirks another smile towards him, and he still wishes he could punch it off of him. 

“Dr Smith is too kind,” Levi muttered. “I’m only a Resident.”

“Only a Resident?” One of the interviewers asked in surprise, and Levi just wants to be buried alive. They all know how much of an honour it is to be the assistant second surgeon on a case like this, but as a Resident, it’s rare. He knew he shouldn't of opened his mouth.

“Dr Ackerman has a bright future indeed,” Erwin said, saving Levi from the future embarrassment of explaining exactly how he got on the case. “Any further questions?”

The room is soon dismissed and Levi tries his hardest not to worry about it. It’s the surgery that matters.

\---

“Are you excited?” Eld asked as he stood next to Levi while they scrubbed their hands clean. “This is the surgery of a lifetime.”

“Yes,” Levi replied, methodically cleaning his hands. One of the best aspects of surgery is how clean everything is expected be. He is always going to step into a clean room with clean people, and that fact alone is very comforting to Levi. 

“You don’t seem excited,” Eld said, pausing in his cleaning. “You seem… sad.”

“I never seem excited about anything,” Levi lied. He does get excited, in his own special way, and Eld knows that. “I’m thrilled inside, really.”

Eld hummed and resumed cleaning. “It’s okay to admit you’re nervous.”

Yes, he was nervous. Nervous that his hand might slip, that he might clip the wrong blood vessel, that he might screw the whole surgery up and end up killing a single mother. He was nervous about spending so much time next to Erwin, he was nervous about Eld being in the same room as them, he was nervous about the small talk that he’d have to engage in and how that would effect his already delicate relationships with both men.

He was nervous that he’d think too much about Erwin, just like last time, and space out.

It was for this exact reason he and Eld broke up years ago.

“Yeah,” Levi replied absentmindedly. 

“It’s okay, I’m sure you’ll do great.” Eld lightly bumped his shoulder, and Levi smiled, but only slightly. Eld was always too good to be his friend, let alone his boyfriend. He deserves someone much better.

\---

They’d been slaving away at the tumour for hours, cutting it piece by piece, blood vessel by blood vessel. Levi had managed to stay on task, without daydreaming about Erwin or Eld too much, his only thought being the tumour and its dissection.

Unfortunately, they’d hit a snag. A tumour can never be fully scanned by an x-ray, no matter how many you do. For the amount of blood vessels that they can see on an x-ray, there’s thousands more that they won’t know how to cut until they get in there.

Some of them matter, some of them don’t. 

And one of the two blood vessels Levi was staring at right now mattered. It mattered a lot.

“Cut the right one and nothing will happen. Cut the wrong one and-”

“She’ll die,” Levi said, finishing Erwin’s sentence bluntly. “I know.”

“Is there any way to tell which one is which?” Eld asked.

Erwin shook his head. “No. We won’t know until we cut it.”

“Fuck,” Levi muttered, feeling the adrenaline rise in his bloodstream. His free hand started to shake. All the hard work – all their hard work – would be for nothing if he picked the wrong vessel.

“I can’t tell you what decision to make Dr Ackerman,” Erwin said, as calm as ever. Levi envies that ability to stay calm so much. “But I am giving you an out. Say the word, and we’ll stop the surgery.”

Levi wants to. He wants to stop. He wants the out. He doesn’t want to make this decision. 

But he has to… he’d be letting down everybody in this room, everybody following this story outside this room, and the patient on the table. He’d be letting down Erwin, who had given him this incredible opportunity. 

He has to cut one of the blood vessels, but he doesn’t want to make the choice. He doesn’t want to be the reason that this woman dies. Nobody does. 

Unless he tricks them into it…

“Banana Head,” Levi called out. Behind him he can hear his intern gasp and step forward. 

“Yes?”

“Which one would you go for?”

Armin stepped forward further in order to peer over the body. He shook his head. “It’s like Dr Smith said, there’s nothing-”

“I know,” Levi said. “But hypothetically, if you had to choose one, which one would you go for?”

“Uh… the one on the right, I guess.”

In one quick motion, without warning, Levi’s hand surges forward and snips the blood vessel on the right. He inhales a deep, sharp breath as everybody else around him gasps in shock.

“Wait, I wasn’t being serious-”

“Shut up Banana,” Levi snapped.

He held his breath.

_Please pull through, please pull through, please pull through…_

The OR was silent as they waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger~
> 
> Find me at levierwins.tumblr.com


	4. Misunderstandings

Levi watched Erwin from a distance as he shook hands with every damn person imaginable; hospital staff, specialists, experts and neurosurgical geniuses. They’re all here to congratulate Erwin on the surgery. And Erwin only. 

For all the fanfare that went on in the press conference, Levi was truly unneeded – and unwanted - it seemed. In the style of a true Attending, Erwin took all the credit for himself and left none for Levi.

Even his stupid intern was getting more credit for picking the right vessel to chop, even though he was tricked into doing it. He should have just picked it himself; he was going to go with the one on the right anyway. Maybe then he could have gained some credit for the surgery. 

Stupid fucking interns.

“Hey,” Erwin said, appearing suddenly. He leant casually against the counter of the surgical nursing station, but he clearly wasn’t there by chance. “Why don’t you join me in talking to the masses over there?”

“I did,” Levi muttered, trying his hardest not to act like he was sulking, but he was, essentially, sulking. No point in denying the truth. “But they all ignored me to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry,” Erwin answered, those sympathetic eyes tugging Levi in. “I can introduce you to some of them if you like?”

Levi shook his head. Like he’s always said, he doesn’t need Erwin’s charity. “I don’t want to know your stupid neuro buddies anyway.” 

Erwin briefly chuckled. “If you insist. But I promise you, Levi, I’ll make sure people know that you saved her too. I’m not going to leave you without credit.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Levi muttered, waving Erwin off. But it was a nice gesture, and he knew Erwin meant well deep down, but nobody was going to pay attention to a lowly Resident.

He could feel Erwin staring at him intently, but this time - unlike other times - it was with tenderness, not lust. He could also see Erwin’s smile, so pure and bright, even as he desperately tried to look away from it.

He didn’t want to fall for this. Not again.

But his eyes eventually wandered and soon they were looking at each other like it was just the two of them in an empty room. It was so weird, yet comforting, to just stand and look at a person and feel like you’ve known them for your entire life. Somehow, they had a connection with so little contact. He wished he wasn’t so attracted to this man, but somehow he managed to make Levi _feel._

And feeling was dangerous. 

Erwin moved forward slightly. “Would you like to have dinner with me?”

_No, no you don’t. You don’t want to have dinner with him. You don’t want this. This is dangerous._

But he couldn’t open his mouth to say it, because the man in front of him was so beautiful and intoxicating, and some part of him, deep down, did want to say yes. But he couldn’t. It was dangerous to get attached somebody who could just abandon him and run away without a second thought. It was dangerous to put his career on the line. It was dangerous to be with Erwin Smith.

So instead, he took the coward’s approach, and ran away. Feet carrying him far away from Erwin.

He knew he had ruined everything this time.

\---

Erwin stood stunned to his place. Levi had left so quickly that he hadn’t had time to call or chase after him. One second he was there, and the next, he was gone.

Had he said the wrong thing? Usually, in his experience, if somebody didn’t want to join him for dinner, they just said so. They didn’t run off with no warning. 

It wasn’t like he was trying to get him to go on a date anything. It was just dinner, and he had no doubt that Levi was just as hungry as he was after that long and tiring surgery. And for a second there… he had felt something between them. 

But now it was over. He’d screwed up and Levi had run away. 

“Arlert!” Erwin called out as he saw the tiny blonde’s head walk past him. The Resident quickly scampered up to him without question. 

Maybe he could distract himself. This was a teaching hospital, so Erwin clearly had a duty to teach. He might as well start with the man who had saved Anka’s life, albeit unknowingly. 

“Dr Smith, I’d just like to say what a privilege it was to view the surgery with you and Dr Ackerman,” Armin blurted, mouth running a mile a minute.

Erwin smiled. It was refreshing to see someone so enthusiastic. “Thank you, and you’re welcome to come and view my surgeries anytime you want.”

“Like… _in_ the operating room?”

“Of course,” Erwin replied. “In fact, I was going to ask you if you wanted to be on my service today.”

Armin’s face ignited like a bight star, eyes gleaming at the possibility. “Yes sir!”

“Well it’s settled then,” Erwin said, clapping his hands together. “Get some rest and meet me for rounds in an hour.”

Armin bounced away with glee, and Erwin was glad that he was at least making someone happy today.

\---

It’s an hour before rounds as Levi paces the empty Resident lounge trying to calm down. He’s already running on very little sleep, so he doesn’t need thoughts of Erwin distracting him from doing his job any further. If he didn’t calm down soon, he was going to make a huge fool of himself. He needed to keep his cool.

He does the only thing he can do, pressing the green call button on his phone. He doesn’t expect her to pick up, he knows she’s at home sleeping. But on the forth ring, Petra’s voice filtered through the phone speaker. “ _Levi?_ ”

“Petra,” Levi muttered, hand tugging on his hair. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad.”

“ _Wait, wait, wait - the surgery – it didn’t go well?_ ” 

Levi let out a frustrated groan. “No, the surgery went fine. It’s- it’s- _him._ ”

“ _Smith?_ ”

“Yes.” Levi took a deep breath. “He asked me out on a date.”

“ _A_ date _date?_ ”

“Yes. And I- I ran away.”

“ _You ran away?_ ”

“Stop answering my statements with questions damn it.” But as soon as the words leave Levi’s mouth, he knows he was too harsh. He starts pacing the room nervously again. “Shit… Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just… really tried and can’t deal with it right now.”

“ _It’s alright,_ ” Petra answered, her voice growing stronger and stronger as she began to wake up. “ _Just rest until I get there okay? It’s going to be a long day._ ”

After saying goodbye, Levi puts down the phone and flops down onto a couch and waits. 

Petra will help him. She has to.

\---

“Don’t worry, Levi, you’re going to be fine,” Petra said, with a tone that was supposed to be her version of motivational. It was so cheerful it hurt Levi’s ears. “Just stick to your surgeries and your service and you won’t even know he’s there.”

She pushed him gently towards his interns who were gathered in the corner of the hall. They chatting freely amongst each other, but there was someone missing.

“Where’s Banana Head?” Levi asked as he walked up to them. “Did he think that just because he was in surgery all night that he could catch a break?”

“Armin said he was with Dr Smith today,” Eren said with a shrug.

Fuck. That stupid man is stealing his interns as well now? They might be shitty, and he might not like them very much, but they’re _his_ interns and nobody else’s.

This has to be some sort of payback for rejecting him.

But Levi can’t let it get to him. That’s what Erwin wants. He wants him to be annoyed. He wants his attention.

Well, he’s not going to get it. Not over Levi’s dead body.

\---

Armin was so excited.

His day with Dr Smith had already been amazing. He’d learnt so much already, and now he was going to sit in on his afternoon surgery. And maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to help assist.

But first he had to find Jean. He knew that his friend would want to know everything about what he’d done and how to get himself on Dr Smith’s good side so he could possibly get into the OR himself.

Eren would probably want to know as well, but unfortunately he just wasn’t as desperate as Jean to get into an OR. Sometimes, Armin thought that maybe Eren didn’t have enough drive to be a surgeon.

And to be honest, he really wanted to help Jean. He hasn’t had the best start to his internship, and even if it was just a small piece of advice that would help Jean, it would be worthwhile.

But as he neared the corner of their usual meeting spot, he heard yelling. Jean and Marco’s yelling. Armin waited behind the wall, not wanting to make an awkward entrance into their fight.

“But that was my patient Jean! You didn’t have the right to steal him away from me!” 

“Technically he was Ackerman’s patient. All I did was resuscitate him. Did you want the man to die?”

“You should have called me at the very least. Maybe I would have managed to get there in time.”

“I didn’t have time to call anyone. There was so much mayhem and beeping and all the nurses would only follow orders from me. It was intense and… kind of scary.”

“Yeah, well, if you think that’s scary, maybe you shouldn’t be here.”

“It’s not my fault that Ackerman allowed me to scrub in on the surgery, you know.”

Armin smiled. Finally, Jean was getting his chance to shine. He was so happy. His feet moved forward, desperate to congratulate Jean. But as he actually caught sight of the two arguing men, he stopped again.

“I helped you so many times,” Marco said, his voice low and bitter. Armin could see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes. He didn’t think it was possible for Marco to look so sad. “I helped you treat patients, I helped you write charts, I helped you get x-rays - and this is how you repay me?”

Armin had thought that _he_ was the only one helping Jean…

“No, Marco.” Jean’s voice was the softest and saddest Armin had ever heard it. He didn’t think the loud and headstrong man could show such gentleness. 

He continued to watch as Jean reached out to touch Marco’s arm, before Marco pulled away in disgust. “I was just trying to save the patient. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

“Well you did,” Marco spat, before turning and walking away.

“No- Wait, Marco, I’m sorry!” Jean cried, but Marco didn't want to hear any of it, pushing Jean away from him.

And as Jean stood fixed to the floor, regret clear in his eyes, Armin could finally see it. 

Jean liked Marco. Jean liked Marco a lot.

If Armin had confronted Jean like that, he probably would have just shrugged him off and told him to get lost. Jean didn’t need Armin, because he had Marco.

Armin decided to walk away. There was no point in entertaining the possibility that Jean would like him; he was never really option to begin with.

\---

“Do you know what the next step is?” Erwin asked Armin as the two stood side by side with a man’s open brain in front of them.

“Yes.” Armin explained the next step flawlessly, including every detail. Erwin nodded in approval. The intern had obviously done a multitude of research prior to entering the OR. Erwin respected his enthusiasm and passion deeply. 

These were the kinds of Residents he wanted to take under his wing. Residents just like Levi, who lived and breathed and loved the art of surgery. Except Levi wasn’t interested in neurosurgery, and Armin was.

“Now take the rod,” Erwin said, his hand moving so that the surgical rod was placed between his index finger and thumb. “Hold it slowly and hold it steady. Don’t move at all.”

“ _Really?_ ” Armin asked in disbelief.

“Yes.”

Armin shuffled forward and gently took the rod from Erwin’s hand. He noticed that Armin’s hand was flawlessly still, perfect for neurosurgery.

“Have you decided what specialty you want to go into?”

“Not yet,” Armin murmured, as if he thought the rod would move if he spoke any louder. “I don’t have to choose for a while and I want to experience all kinds of surgical methods.”

“That’s the quality of a good surgeon. The better your general knowledge, the less you’ll put your patient at risk.”

Erwin continued to ask Armin questions, which he answered flawlessly again, and he wondered if the intern had a library in that head of his. He predicts that Armin will ace the intern exam with ease.

They quickly finished up the surgery and made their way to Erwin’s office in order to debrief before checking on the patient again.

“Good job Dr Arlert,” Erwin said, closing the door to his office. “You have the hands of a neurosurgeon.” 

“Thank you, sir, for letting me assist,” Armin beamed, a slight rose pink blush forming on his cheek. He didn’t seem to have much control over the colour of his cheeks, and Erwin smiled at that thought. It reminded him of his sister when she was younger.

“You passion for surgery is inspiring. It was a pleasure to have you shadow me today.” Erwin picked up a folder and handed it to Armin. “I have an interesting case coming up in a couple of weeks time. Read through the file and tell me what you think about it.”

“Thank you, thank you so much.” 

Armin reached out for the file, but accidentally caught Erwin’s hand instead. With a misstep of his feet, Armin went stumbling forward, ending only mere centimetres away from Erwin’s chest. Instinctively, Erwin tried to take a step backwards, only to find the edge of him desk digging into his back.

But Armin didn’t move.

Erwin tried to speak, but words were lost as he saw Armin look up at him with desperate bright blue eyes.

It was then Erwin realised that he had hopelessly led the intern on, his willingness to teach probably misinterpreted for flirting. Hell, he probably thought that the surgery was a trade off for sex. Just like Levi had.

Erwin was trash. Literal trash.

Armin’s head stretched impossibly closer to his own, and in the split second it would have taken for the gap between them to be bridged, Erwin turned his head away in clear rejection. 

“Armin, I’m sorry, this isn’t what-”

“It’s fine,” Armin muttered, stepping away from Erwin slowly. His bangs were covering his face, and Erwin hoped he wasn’t too distraught under that curtain of blonde hair. 

Part of Erwin considered trying to explain his actions to the intern, but he didn’t quite know how to explain it. Anything he said would be interpreted as more rejection and just make Armi angry. And he didn’t want to hurt Armin more than he already had.

Armin scurried out of his office, leaving Erwin to ponder his actions for the second time that day. He was never this sort of man. Sure, he has a naturally flirty nature, and yes he does engage in casual sex, but he always left it outside of his workplace. 

And he knew he had made a mistake that first day, when he had shamelessly flirted with Levi so that he could get his attention, but it was almost as if he had forgotten that he was in a hospital. All he could see was Levi; the sexy, enthralling and witty man that he had slept with the night before. He didn’t realise he was grossly unprofessional until Levi pointed it out to him.

And now, it seemed, he had managed to be just as unprofessional again, in an even worse way than before. Armin was younger, much further down the surgical ranks, and not somebody Erwin had not slept with the night before. 

Erwin settled on the thought that Shiganshina Hospital must be cursed.

\---

“Don’t you think you’re being too harsh?” Petra questioned. Levi sent her a harsh glare before she quickly backtracked. “I mean- just think about it. Attendings used to let us shadow them all the time. I wouldn’t be surprised if an Attending came up to me tomorrow and asked if an intern wanted to be on their service. It’s not uncommon.”

“But it’s _him._ ”

“Yes and it’s also the same intern who sat through the entire eight hour surgery without once sitting down or going to the toilet. Is he a good intern?”

“Yes,” Levi replied begrudgingly. Banana Head was surprisingly competent, despite his weird hair.

“Maybe Smith saw that as well.”

“So you’re saying I’m making assumptions?”

“ _Yes._ Possibly. Maybe.” Petra shook her head before getting back on track. “But Levi? I’ve never seen you so worked up over someone. You been this worried since we took the intern exam three years ago.”

Levi could correct her and tell her about all the other times he gets worried, but keeping that side of him private was important to him. Those people were far gone from Levi’s life, so he shouldn’t even waste his breath. They should mean nothing to him.

“So? Smith’s an asshole.”

“But you _care_ about him.”

“Trust me, I don’t care.”

“Try telling that to yourself,” Petra said, her frustration finally reaching her words. Levi really didn’t want to get angry, but he couldn’t help himself. He was _done._ Everything about this situation was stupid and he wanted out. So Levi stormed out of the room, but his dramatic exit didn't do anything to lessen the anger.

 _I don’t care,_ he kept telling himself. And yet here he was, pacing around the entrance of the hospital in an attempt to calm down. 

For the most part, Levi accepts things that can be explained. Maybe that’s why he likes science so much. Everything has an explanation, and even if there isn't an explanation, a team of scientists are gathering and working together to try and explain it as we speak. 

In reality, however, not everything has an explanation, and that’s what Levi is struggling with right now. He doesn’t have an explanation for why his family abandoned him that night. He doesn’t have an explanation for why the ceiling of his dorm room collapsed junior year. He doesn’t have an explanation for why Petra came into his life, and why she puts up with all his shit. He doesn’t have an explanation for Erwin Smith, and why he bothers him so much. He just does. 

When Levi finally managed to jump in his car and drive home, Petra was lounging on the couch casually playing one of those annoying phone games. Levi sighed in defeat.

“Yes, I do care... and yes, I was too harsh.”

Petra only has to wave of her hand once before Levi finds himself crashing into her arms, hugging her with more emotion than he has ever had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't exactly go the way I planned, but I think that's for the best. Sometimes the characters have minds of their own, and as such the pairings and tags will change accordingly. Hopefully y'all don't get too angry... the angst will probably only get worse from here on in. 
> 
> Find me at levierwins.tumblr.com . Thank you for all you support, comments, kudos, bookmarks, anything! All types of feedback mean the world to me :)


	5. Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one mentions drugs, organ donations and includes a death. If you're uncomfortable with that, please don't read!!
> 
> This chapter is close to my heart for a number of reasons, so I hope you enjoy it!!

Erwin was patiently waiting for the elevator doors to open when Nile’s voice boomed unexpectedly down the halls. “Erwin!” 

And he was really looking forward to going home too. He could finally, _finally_ not be around this godforsaken hospital. If he closed his eyes, he could feel his head hitting his pillow and his sheet wrapped warmly around him.

Erwin really wanted that so bad, he was prepared to forgo formalities and be rude to his old friend. All he had to do was look straight ahead and pretend he didn’t hear anything. 

_Come on, come on, come on,_ he prayed to the elevator, wishing it would open. 

But they didn’t, and Nile managed to tap him on the shoulder effectively breaking him from his ignorance, and with it, his freedom. 

“Nile,” Erwin said cordially, noticing his old friend had brought two other people along with him as well. One was a very tall, muscular man with darker features, and another very short, thin man with lighter features. They were complete opposites in almost every single way, expect for the their hands entwined between them, adorned with gold wedding bands. 

The elevator door opened and closed again, and Erwin’s escape disappeared with it. 

“I was just looking for you, my friend. I heard your big surgery went so well the Trost Medical Journal will be doing a piece on it. Congratulations.”

Erwin simply smiled, unwilling to call Nile out on his shit. He was jealous to the core, he always had been, and he was only talking about Erwin’s achievements out of his own, long-held, jealous frustration. Erwin always managed to achieve everything Nile wanted, even when he didn’t make any effort, and Nile was always left second best. 

“Thanks Nile. It should be exciting.” 

“I bet,” Nile let out a short chuckle before turning to his two friends. “I thought I’d introduce you to some of the staff because I’m sure you’ll be working with them soon; this is the Head of Orthopedic Surgery, Dr Mike Zacharias, and the Head of Paediatric Surgery, Dr Nanaba Zacharias.”

Mike’s face remained unreadable and emotionless as Erwin held out his hand. His handshake was firm, but not in a friendly way. Nanaba was much more welcoming, and gave him a warm smile in return.

“So what are you two working on right now? Any interesting research?” Erwin asked, turning his attention to the couple. 

“Oh yeah!” Nanaba piped up, a broad smile reaching across his face. “I’m currently going through a clinical trial on early onset dementia in children.”

“That sounds interesting,” Erwin said honestly. He had always been fascinated in Dementia and Alzheimer’s, one of the medical field’s many mysteries. “If you’re in need of a neurosurgeon, I’d be happy to take a look.”

Nanaba nodded enthusiastically. “I’d be thrilled.” 

“I just finished a program of giving fully working prosthetics to war veterans.” Mike said stiffly, cutting into the conversation. Clearly he wasn’t as trusting or open as Nanaba was, and he clearly didn’t want Erwin around any longer than possible. 

It was almost as if he just knew Erwin was trouble just waiting to happen.

“What a great cause,” Erwin mused before clapping his hands together. It was then, he decided, that it was time to bolt before things got more awkward. “Well it’s getting late and I best be off-”

“Wait,” Nile said suddenly. “We were just going to the bar to have a few drinks. You should come with us.”

Erwin internally sighed, thinking of every possible excuse he could give in this situation. 

_I have to go feed my imaginary dog…_

_I think I left my stove on…_

_My neighbour said there was a disturbance, I should go check it out…_

“I really shouldn’t.”

“Aw c’mon old buddy, we have a lot of catching up to do-”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea-”

“It’s just one drink.”

And Nile looked at him with his stupid puppy dog eyes that are always begging for someone to give him a chance, to help him win something, and Erwin always falls for it because he feels partially to blame.

“Okay, okay, fine. One drink.” 

Nile clapped him on the shoulder and Nanaba looked at him sympathetically. The couple were clearly pulled into this against their will as well. 

As they walked towards the bar (the same bar that Erwin met Levi, the one two roads down from the hospital) Mike ignored Erwin insistently, leaving Nile to keep up the majority of the conversation, something which Erwin was just not in the mood to deal with. Eventually Mike started chatting to Nile, and Erwin slowed down the pace of his walking so he was behind them and out of the conversation.

Eventually, Nanaba slipped from Mike’s side to join him. 

“I’m sorry if Mike is a bit cold,” Nanaba said, voice low enough so the two men in front of him couldn’t hear. “He doesn’t open up to people until he has a full sniff of them.”

Erwin faltered. “Sniff?”

Nanaba laughed again and Erwin relaxed just a tiny bit. There was something so purely optimistic and kind about the other man, and it was refreshing to meet someone like that, especially around a hospital setting. Nanaba was very suited to Paediatrics, it seemed. 

But Erwin could also tell that there was another side to him. Nanaba must be ruthless and strong as well, enough to be comfortable watching young children die on a daily basis. 

“Mike prefers to judge somebody with his nose rather than his eyes,” Nanaba explained, like smelling people you’ve just met was normal. “I love him regardless, of course, but sometimes he puts too much judgement into his nose. Sometimes he needs to just open his eyes and look.” 

Erwin wondered what he must smell like for Mike to be so cold towards him. Sure, he hadn’t showered in two days, but he had done his best to freshen up and wear deodorant.

“Does he do that in surgery as well?”

Nanaba laughed even harder. “Oh _no_ – thank God – only when he meets new people.” 

“That is quite thankful.”

“I have so much to talk to you about, Mr Smith. I think you’ll fit in at Shiganshina just fine.”

Erwin could only hope. So far, his fate hadn’t quite been leaning that way.

\---

“What the hell is going on around here? Did we open up the surgical floor to school field trips or something?” Levi muttered as he watched a steady stream of teenagers – in uniform and out of uniform – walk past the Senior Resident’s locker room.

Eld and Oluo turned away and started their own conversation, while Petra turned to face him slowly. She had a look of defeat in her eyes. 

“A patient,” Petra said, her voice quiet and restrained. She was always the softest out of all of them, but she’d managed to grow a thicker skin over the years. Only the most horrific of cases would upset her now. “A young boy. Thomas. Jumped off a balcony.”

“Suicide attempt?” Levi asked, his curiosity peaking. Something as common as a suicide attempt wouldn’t be enough to affect Petra. 

“That’s what paramedics thought when they brought him,” Petra said. “But… it was at a house party. Attempting suicide at a party doesn’t make any sense.”

“What’s the prognosis?” 

“Brain dead.”

“Is he an organ donor?” Levi asked, slightly too enthusiastic at the prospect of a teenage boy being cut up and shipped away. But Dr Shadis had a patient who desperately needed a new heart… and if this boy were a match… it would mean that this girl would get a second chance at life. “What blood type is he?”

“Levi, please,” Petra whined, handing curling into her hair tightly. “Can you let it settle for a bit before being insensitive?”

“Sorry,” Levi muttered. He took her hand into his and unwound it from her hair, before smoothing out her side fringe dotingly. “Do you want me to take this case from you?”

“No, I’ll be fine-”

“Petra, you’re not fine.”

“You’ll have to work with Dr Smith though.”

Levi bit his lip. They weren’t on talking terms, sure – the memories of how he ran away over a simple question were still fresh in his mind – but it wasn’t like Levi couldn’t work with him. It would be awkward, but he was at peace with it, and he was going to do anything to help Petra whether she liked it or not.

“I can deal with him.”

Petra’s brow rose. “Can you really?”

“Probably not.” Levi shook his head, and then shrugged. “But the patient’s pretty much dead anyway, so what more is there to do?”

“Levi!” Petra hissed. “Be more sensitive, especially around all these children. They’re devastated.”

“Why are they all here anyway? Isn’t visitation for family only?”

“The family allowed it.” 

_How fucking morbid,_ Levi thought. These teenagers were still children, and their last memory of their friend would be bloodied and hooked up to several different ghastly machines. 

Some things were better left unseen.

\---

“So this patient is brain dead,” Levi drawled to his group of interns as they passed the door to Thomas Wagner’s room. There was no point in actually going in just so that they could repeat the same crushing news to the family once more. This exercise was purely for teaching purposes only. “So what do we do?”

“Check to see if he’s an organ donor,” Jean piped up. 

Levi nodded. “But family consent comes first. They have final say.” He scribbled something on the patient chart and looked up wearily. “Who wants in on the organ harvest?”

All hands shot up into the air and Levi sighed. These interns acted so pathetically, even when it was just for a simple organ harvest. 

“Armin wants it the most because he wants more time with Dr Smith,” Jean teased, greedy smirk engulfing his face. Levi’s eyes narrowed dangerously at the mention of the neurosurgeon, as Armin’s face burned bright red in guilt.

“What the fuck Jean?” Eren snapped, elbowing Jean harshly. Armin’s head only dipped down, angled towards the floor. “Armin told you that in secret, you have no right to blurt it out to everyone.”

“I don’t give a crap, Jaeger, I don’t what I fucking want-”

“That doesn’t mean you get to hurt-”

“Shut up all of you,” Levi growled, demanding their attention. “What the fuck are you talking about Horse Face?”

“Armin has a crush on Dr Smith,” he said simply, shrugging. Beside him, Marco, who was silent the entire time, let out a tiny squeak of protest that went unheard. “Wouldn’t be surprised if they banged the other day while on his service.”

Eren’s jaw dropped and his fists clenched. He was only seconds away from punching Jean before Marco stepped in and pitted himself between the two increasingly angrier men. 

“It’s n-not true, sir,” Armin stuttered weakly, still refusing to look Levi in the eye. He looked like he was searching for more words to mount in his defence, but couldn’t. Eventually he just sighed and gave up.

It only took Levi a few seconds to weigh up the evidence. Jean could be lying, and just trying to start petty shit, and Armin might just be really bad at defending himself, but either way Levi couldn’t get the image of Armin and Erwin fucking in a hospital on call room out of his head. It was more than plausible, with Erwin’s personality and Armin’s submissive nature, Levi was surprised he hadn’t realised it earlier.

And just like that, those incriminating images in Levi’s head were cemented into reality, and Levi was sent into a furious tailspin.

“Horse and Brat, go to the Emergency Room. Freckles, you’ll scrub in on the organ harvest. Banana… I don’t know, go fuck another Attending for all I care.”

And with that, Levi stormed off in search of Erwin fucking Smith.

\---

“ _You._ ”

Erwin looked up at Levi, who was dramatically placed in the doorway of his office, and frowned deeply at the sight before him. “Is something wrong?”

“Where do you get off on playing with people’s emotions like this?” Levi asked, fists clenched and shaking by his sides. “Figured you couldn’t fuck me, so you might as well fuck some gullible intern on the side? Do you like driving people insane?”

Levi stopped ranting and waited for Erwin to open his mouth and speak, but nothing came. There was complete silence. Erwin relaxed, sinking into his chair as if he was content with what Levi was saying. 

But Levi didn’t care what Erwin thought was right or wrong, he was going to get a fucking answer. “Well? Are you going to say something?”

“This will sound bad… but I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about,” Erwin said, rubbing his eyes a little. Levi noticed the deep, dark circles under his eyes. It looked like his whole body was just aching to collapse. 

The man was tired, but that still wasn’t going to stop Levi. “Armin Arlert. You fucked him.”

“No I didn’t.”

Levi shook is head in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that Erwin was actually trying to plead ignorance. “Yes, you did.”

“No… I didn’t…” Erwin muttered, his words so soft and quiet, Levi thought he might fall asleep right then and there. “There was a… _misunderstanding_ between Dr Arlert and I. He propositioned me, and I said no.”

“And you said no?”

“I said no.”

Levi didn’t believe it. “But why?”

“Is it that hard to believe _that_ I’m a decent person?” Erwin sighed. He gently massaged the bridge of his nose, but the pounding in his head and the tiredness of his mind wasn’t easing. “I didn’t do anything to anyone… Now can you please just leave me alone?”

The last lines of Erwin’s words struck Levi hard. He had only ever heard praise from the man; words that were meant to keep Levi closer to him, but not push him away. And now he was he was asking Levi to leave him alone. It was highly out of character. 

If Erwin truly slept with Armin, he would have just told to truth, owned up and apologised. Like he had before.

Levi had clearly crossed a line.

“When was the last time you slept?”

“Please, Levi, just leave.”

Levi pushed forward. “You’re no use to anyone if you’re going to collapse from exhaustion.”

“I’m fine.”

“Give me your patient list.”

“What?”

“Give me your patient list and go to an on call room and _sleep_. I’ll check up on your patients for the next couple of hours.”

“But-”

“Do it.”

Erwin relented, handing over his various files to Levi. For a full-time working Attending, there were only a small amount of files, one of them belonging to Thomas Wagner. None of the other patients were in a critical condition, and he had no surgeries scheduled besides Wagner’s organ harvest in a few hours, which Erwin didn’t even need to attend. He could have been sleeping hours ago, or even better, sleeping at home.

“And if anything goes wrong, please, please, _please_ wake me up.” Erwin insisted, grabbing his phone and pager from his desk and pocketing them. If Levi could, he would wrestle those darn machines from Erwin’s hands and force him to sleep.

But Levi didn’t quite have that power.

“Okay.” 

Erwin stopped outside the door, before turning around and grinning. “Is this your way of apologising?”

“No,” Levi said quickly, scoffing at Erwin’s stupidity. “I don’t apologise.”

Erwin hummed. “Sure you don’t.”

“ _I don’t._ ”

“Try telling that to yourself.”

Levi huffed in frustration and let Erwin be. It was only playful banter, but it struck a chord with him. He was apologising, in his own special way, despite not ever really apologising at all. Erwin had managed to weasel his way under Levi’s skin once again, with very little effort.

\---

“Freckles, you’re going to stay on the Wagner case.”

Marco nodded with no complaint. Levi didn’t really think much of this particular intern. He was skilled with a few basics that the others hadn’t quite accomplished, sure, but he was the weakest academically out of the four. Being good at surgery meant nothing if you couldn’t think fast and learn fast. The hardest part of the job was researching under pressure and diagnosing a patient fast. 

“Brat, one of Dr Shadis’ patients will be receiving a new heart today because of Wagner. You can scrub in on that.”

Eren did a small fist pump in the air, the first time Levi had ever seen passion and drive from the boy. While he fought for surgeries like all the other interns, he never showed any initiative when doing so, and he never looked sad because he had lost. And that was worrying.

“Banana… Dr Smith is going to be out for a couple of hours, so you’re going to take care of his patients since you already know most of them.” Levi handed Armin the files and crossed his arms. “And fucking stand up for yourself, will you? If somebody is talking shit, smack them in the face.”

Armin’s cheeks turned their trademark red and he nodded meekly. Levi would be lying if he didn’t feel fondly for him. Out of all the interns he was the quietest and caused the less trouble (aside from this one incident, which wasn’t really his fault). He was also the smartest and most academically leaning. 

“And Horse Face, don’t talk shit about what you don’t know,” Levi growled, stepping forward to meet the taller man in an unforgiving stand off. “Stay in the ER until you learn to shut your mouth.”

And Jean, his least favourite of the group, visibly sulked when handed his orders, although uncharacteristically made no argument. Despite Levi disliking his abrasive personality, he was probably the most likely to succeed out of the group of interns. Armin was the smartest, but Jean was a close second; his knowledge gained through hard work and discipline. He also had the confidence and initiative that Armin clearly lacked. 

Levi wanted all his interns to succeed, but some people have a natural gift and personality that lends itself to surgery easily. And unfortunately, only two out of his interns possessed it.

There was a small awkward pause before Levi waved his hands at the insufferable group of idiots. “Dismissed.”

\---

It was a grotesque sight, despite the blood and guts having already been wiped off his body by the nurses. He had bandages wrapped around the places that have been too destroyed to look at, and the tubes that protruded from his body and mouth covered the rest of his visible body anyway.

And that was the problem; he was no longer able to think, breathe or live on his own. For the rest of his short life, he was forever trapped in this ugly hospital bed. It was horribly depressing.

A mourning boy sat in a chair in the corner.

“It’s all my fault,” he muttered, so low that Levi almost didn’t hear it.

“No, it’s not,” Levi said, his words practised and recited so many times, he knew them off by heart. The friends and families of patients often felt guilt, and it was almost always unjustified. “There wasn’t anything you could have done to stop this.”

“I- I couldn’t have given it to him.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed at the kid. This was new. “What do you mean by that?”

“It- It was cheap. And the-the man said it w-was better for you than the-the real stuff.” The kid was shaking all over, with tears dripping all over his face in a snotty mess. “We j-just wanted to have a- a good time, you- you know? It wasn’t m-meant to e-end like this.”

“Kid.” Levi walked up to the distraught boy. “What did you buy? What did he take?”

“Some sort of synthetic… I don’t know… LSD? I-I’m not sure. He j-just told me it was s-supposed to give you a g-good high.”

“Fuck,” Levi muttered, running a hand through his hair. Synthetic drugs where notorious for giving their recipients unstable highs and psychotic episodes. A lot of them, in fact, ended with people jumping off of buildings and bridges. New, and almost always deadlier, forms of synthetic drugs come onto the market every week, making it terribly hard to police and detect.

Masked as an apparent suicide, their true cause of death left could be left unknown for months. But Levi had a chance to change that now.

“What are you doing?” The kid asked, suddenly scared as Levi grabbed a nearby nurse’s tray and started preparing needles.

“I’m taking some blood and running it up to the lab to get checked out for synthetics.” 

“No! _No._ You-You can’t! They’ll find out it was me!!” His words were panicked, but Levi paid them no respect.

“Trust me, kid, it’s better if they know. It will give them closure.”

“B-But I could g-go to jail-”

“I can’t tell anybody what you’ve told me because of doctor confidentiality,” Levi explained, his words leaving a sour taste in his mouth. He didn’t want to be harsh with this kid, he had made a bad mistake, an accident, but sometimes the only way to learn from it was to be harsh. “But I suggest you tell them yourselves. Fess up now, and they may give you a lighter sentence. Give you a deal. Eventually, his family will take pity on you and possibly even forgive you. You won’t be hated for the rest of your life. But don’t do that now, and the police will find out you did it eventually. The consequences will be much, much worse.”

The kid was silent as tears streaked down his face. He looked down at his hands, shaking like leaves in the wind, and then looked back up at Levi with pure helplessness. He knew that he had killed his friend, and for that, it would haunt him for the rest of his life. Levi wasn’t about to sugar coat it.

“If you don’t speak up now, it will be much worse.” Levi finished drawing the blood and sealed it into a plastic bag to be delivered straight to the lab. “It’s your choice, but that’s what I would do.”

\---

Levi loved to scrub his hands. He loved to rid himself of all the germs and waste and blood that coated his skin, not just for his patient, but also for himself. It was cathartic to clean, to wash away all the mistakes his hands had made, but to also make a fresh start in hopes that he might be able to save the next patient.

Except he wasn’t saving this patient, he was killing this patient. Essentially bloodying his hands in order to clean them again and give life to another. It was sacrificial.

Erwin was beside him scrubbing in as well, also knowing full well the implications of what was going to happen in the OR today.

“So I just got a lab report for Thomas’ blood. A second one that I didn’t order.”

“Oh did you?” Levi asked innocently, knowing full well that Erwin knew he had done it. There was nobody else on the case and the damn results probably had Levi’s name on it anyway. 

“Yes. The lab techs said a certain doctor told them his blood contained synthetic drugs. And he was right.” 

“Wow, I wonder who that could be?” Levi asked, frowning. “What a mystery…”

“And then something really surprising happened.” Erwin turned to face him. “One of Thomas’ friends confessed to buying the synthetics and sharing them with him.”

“Damn,” Levi muttered. “I didn’t think he’d actually do it.” Erwin raised a brow and Levi quickly shook his head, remembering the game. “I mean, it’s totally out of the blue, right?”

“You’re not very good at playing innocent, Levi.”

Levi huffed. “You could have played along with me, you know?”

“Thank you Levi,” Erwin said out of the blue, his hands stopping their vicious scrubbing for a few seconds in order to let it sink in.

“Just doing my job.”

There was silence as they finished scrubbing their hands. When Levi had finished, he wiped his hands and held them up in the air, before turning to face Erwin. “Can I ask you something?”

Erwin nodded.

“Why are you here?” Levi asked bluntly. “It’s an organ harvest… it can be done by anyone.”

“He’s only 17.”

Levi nodded absently at Erwin. He almost expected the other man to start listing off some new procedure or method to help save the boy, or at least harvest his organs better. That was the Erwin he was used to, the one hell bent on saving Anka, not this almost foreign person in front of him, who was ready to let this patient go without a thought.

But Levi had to remind himself that there was nothing else that could be done. Thomas wasn’t going to come back from this. His life was essentially over anyway. Erwin was doing everything by the textbook, and yet it was like the he still didn’t want to. 

Erwin cared, and perhaps it was normal for a Resident like Petra, who was still in the process of developing a thick skin. But for an Attending, a highly skilled and reputable Attending, it was abnormal. Surgeons are masters at staying guarded and unattached, at hiding emotions and pushing them down. When a patient’s time eventually comes, the mourning should be swift and quick.

And there’s no way Erwin didn’t have this ability. He would have quit years ago if cases like this bothered him so much, just like Petra had considered during intern year. For some reason, Erwin was letting his guard down right here and now.

Almost like he let this patient slip through the cracks.

\---

Erwin stood at the Thomas’ head, next to the anaesthetist, and watched as parts of the boy were slowly taken from him. Levi, in a similar predicament, stood off to the side.

“The stomach is out.”

“The liver is now being transported.”

“Bone marrow extracted.”

“Pancreas gone.”

“Both kidneys removed.”

“Lungs are out.”

Once almost everything that made the boy human was gone, it was Levi’s turn to step in. He cut carefully and surely down the chest, as he would for any other non-emergent case, as to avoid scarring. He was careful and precise, but also quick enough to keep the heart viable.

Throughout it all, Erwin was watching, completely silent.

As he continued to cut the heart out of its chest, the heart monitor started beeping uncontrollably. Usually, in these situations, a crash cart would be brought in and Levi would perform CPR. But there was none of that here. 

Even though he was already brain dead – all the personality, memories and cognitive functioning that made Thomas a person were gone – Levi was still essentially the last person keeping Thomas alive. He was the last step until his death.

As Levi finished his work, the heart monitor beeped into a stand still. Gently but quickly, he scooped up the heart and placed it in the icebox. He sealed it up and handed it the nurse.

“OR 5,” Levi insisted, making sure the nurse knew where to go, even though she probably already knew that. Thomas’ death was going to mean something very special to a young girl, and Levi didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise that.

When he turned back around, Erwin was looking towards the clock on the wall.

“Time of death… 8:39pm,” Erwin concluded, a nearby nurse scribbling down the number on a clipboard and scurrying away.

There was an eerie calm in the OR, and Levi realised that he hadn’t ever stopped and stayed in an OR after a patient had died. Without machines beeping and surgeons and nurses talking, it was calm.

Deadly.

“You should go and witness the transplant surgery. I can close him up.” 

Levi shook his head and looked at Erwin with a strange fondness. The Attending had become attached to this patient and by default, so had Levi. “I’ve seen a hundred transplant surgeries. The least I can do is close him up.”

“I’ll help you then.”

Together they methodically stitched up his chest, making sure that it was as clean as possible. 

“You know nobody is going to see his stomach, right? He’ll probably be buried in a suit.” Erwin mused.

“I don’t care,” Levi muttered, pulling out the stitches with a careful grace that he didn’t normally possess. “Nobody deserves to be buried like this.”

Erwin didn’t reply, but Levi knew that he agreed.

\---

After filling out the necessary paperwork together, Levi decided to leave Erwin silently. There was no point in saying anything more than what was said. Reassurance was pointless, and small talk would be ignored.

“Levi.”

Levi stopped and looked back. Erwin looked sad, but he put on a brave smile, the kind that leaves you vulnerable if someone were to call you out on it.

“Do you want to go out to dinner with me?”

Levi’s jaw dropped, his disbelief spreading over his entire face. Was this guy even real? Surely he had learnt his lesson from the last time he asked that question. Surely he would have known that Levi wanted to run as far as his feet would take him, just like last time.

But somehow, he didn’t. Instead, he said what he should have said the first time Erwin asked that question.

“I don’t know what to say.”

Erwin’s smile widened even further. “At least that’s an improvement from last time.”

Levi didn’t think that anybody could be so happy about being rejected. But this was Erwin, somebody who was constantly surprising him. 

He shook his head and bit his lip, unsure of what to say next. He fought the urge to run away, and instead reached out to pat Erwin’s shoulder in a friendly, yet awkward gesture. “Go get some rest. You look like you’re going to fall over.”

“Maybe next time I’ll actually get an answer,” Erwin teased cheekily. 

Levi huffed and rolled his eyes. He preferred Erwin’s playful flirting to his more inappropriate flirting, and in fact, he secretly enjoyed the banter. It was harmless and meant nothing, after all. 

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I introduced a few of my favourite characters, and I hope you guys love them as much as I do! Your feedback is invaluable, so comment below or send me a message on tumblr (levierwins.tumblr.com) and thank you to those of you that have given me your support already!! It means a lot to me.


	6. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait guys!! Uni is kicking my ass at the moment, and it's probably not going to get any better. On top of that, writers block is not helping either. 
> 
> Big thank you to Evan ([writerjesus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/writerjesus/pseuds/writerjesus)/[queerbadass](http://queerbadass.tumblr.com)) for being my beta! This would've taken much longer otherwise.
> 
> I also made this cool [graphic/edit/thing](http://levierwins.tumblr.com/post/112391597622/hearts-and-minds-by-spinsy-eruri-hospital) due to procrastination.

“I’ll swap her with anybody, Levi _please_ , she’s a nightmare.”

“I have to think about it…”

“What about you Petra? Help me out?”

“I don’t know, Oluo, I have a good group this year. They keep to themselves and get their jobs done, so I can’t really complain.”

Levi huffed and glanced towards his group of interns, the four of them lined up with all of the hospital’s interns. It was their annual intern swap, a day when Residents would swap their interns with other Residents, and Levi wouldn’t mind getting rid of some of his own. They had already caused him too much trouble.

But the idea of Oluo having to deal with another smart-ass for the second year in a row was too hilarious to mess with.

“Look, she’s harmless.” Oluo cried, pointing towards the tall freckled girl in his section of the line up. The girl snickered and Levi knew Oluo was lying.

“So why are you trying to get rid of her?” Levi asked.

Oluo sighed. “ _Fine,_ she’s a bitch. Worse than Hitch and that’s saying something.”

“Hey!” Hitch piped up from behind them, working at a nearby computer. “At least I was hilarious!”

“Haha, yes, you were very funny,” Oluo sneered before turning back to his conversation with Levi. “Please Levi. I can’t go another year with Hitch 2.0.”

“Oh, _fine,_ ” Levi growled, wanting Oluo to shut up quickly. He had been hoping to swap with Petra, but this would have to do. He looked towards his group of interns and pointed at Marco. “Freckles, swap with Freckles 2.”

Oluo did a small fist pump in the air while Levi’s group gasped, a look of pure fright crossing Marco’s face.

“But sir, surely there are rules against this. Marco can’t leave.” Armin argued, clearly distressed by the decision. Marco leaving the group meant that Armin was left with two fighting pit bulls hell bent on ripping each other apart.

Levi felt kind of sorry for him.

“We’ve been doing this for years, Banana, and next year - _if_ you make it past this year - you’ll be doing the same with your interns.” Levi said, turning to Marco and looking at him directly in the eye. “Switch.”

“Good luck trying to suck The Corporal’s dick, Ymir!” A voice called out from the crowd of interns.

Levi expected his new intern, Ymir, although her name would now be Freckles 2, to say something insulting back, but she just rolled her eyes instead, not even acknowledging Levi’s presence.

“He’s not my type,” Ymir said simply, shrugging.

“Hey, you got yourself a nickname!” Petra giggled, elbowing him lightly, earning a grunt from Levi. He had heard a few whispers of his new nickname throughout the halls of the hospital, but he didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t an insult by any means. If the interns thought he was tough, then he was doing his job correctly.

“I see we’re having a bit of a social gathering here,” a new voice chortled, a deep throaty laugh rumbling his chest. From behind the sea of interns, Darius Zackley, the apparent Chief of Surgery emerged out of nowhere. “I’m glad our Residents are getting involved with our interns.”

In a few quick seconds, the interns casually dispersed, happy to move away from the Chief and back to their daily routine of getting ready for rounds. They probably didn’t even know who he is, since sightings of the Chief were rare at best, unless you had the discomfort of actually going up to his office.

It smelt of dust.

“You,” he said, his deep eyes looking directly at Levi. Beside him, Petra and Oluo busy themselves with patient files, hiding behind their ‘work’. “Levi Ackerman, yes?”

“Yes sir,” Levi said. “That’s me.”

There was a brief pause, where Zackley’s stiff face was unreadable. Levi couldn’t tell if he was happy or angry, and that made him panic.

“Good job on that surgery… the one with the brain tumour, yes?”

“Uh, it was a spinal tumour.”

“Yes, yes. Very impressive.” Zackley mused before patting Levi on the back. “Keep it up and you’ll make a fine Chief Resident next year. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and find that neurosurgeon… what’s his name again?”

“Dr. Smith…?”

“Ah yes, Aaron Smith. That’s right.”

Levi didn’t have time to correct him before he wandered off through the halls.

This hospital was the best in the state, and one of the best in the country, and yet an idiot like that was running it. Surely he would lose his job soon.

“Oh my gosh, _Levi,_ ” Petra gasped, smile bright on her face. “That was amazing! That dinosaur never sees sunlight and yet he came out of hiding only to congratulate _you_. What a rare sighting.”

Oluo scoffed and walked away, and Levi didn’t blame him. If Zackley had called someone else the next Chief Resident, even Petra, his dearest friend, he would probably be angry too. Everybody wanted that job, and even if Petra remained happy for his sake, Levi had no doubt that she was bummed out too.

“It’s nothing, Petra. I doubt he even chooses the Chief Residents.”

There was still so much of the teaching year to go, and anything could happen. Levi wasn’t going to let his guard down for one minute.

\---

Petra watched carefully as Erwin approached them, his tall frame high above both their heads. If Petra didn’t know any better, she would be intimidated, but Erwin Smith was soft and Petra had dirt on him.

He nodded in Petra’s direction, before turning his full attention to Levi. She didn’t even have chance to gesture back. In fact, he was probably expecting her to go somewhere else and give them privacy, but Petra was reluctant to leave him alone with Levi.

“What are you doing right now?”

“An aneurysm repair with Shadis,” Levi replied, his face concealed in apathy, but Petra could tell that he cared. It was in the tone of his voice; he was defensive, yet at the same time, light and humorous.

He was giving into Erwin while also trying to protect himself the best he could.

And Erwin knew this too. As Petra studied him out of the corner of her eye, she watched his eyes read and analyse every move Levi made. He knew that Levi was guarding himself, but he also knew that Levi was close to cracking.

“Don’t think you can spare a couple of hours for a brain tumour?”

“No, Shadis has got me on lockdown. He thinks I’m going to switch specialties with the amount of time I’ve been spending with you in Neuro. I’m on a rigorous training schedule now.”

“I’m sure,” Erwin hummed, pausing mid sentence. Levi raised his head to look him directly and Erwin smiled, resuming his thoughts. “Maybe some other time?”

“Perhaps,” Levi muttered, softly and lightly. Delicate. Everything Levi thought he wasn’t, but, in actual fact, was.

And for that very reason, Petra wasn’t going to hand over her best friend – her _soul mate_ – to just anyone. They had to be trustworthy. She had to know they wouldn’t break the very thing that mattered most to her in this world.

“Zackley wanted something from you earlier. What was it?” Petra asked, butting into the conversation.

Erwin’s face twitched in slight annoyance, but he turned towards Petra politely. His object of affection quickly returned to his work, lost to the void of the cardiovascular system.

“He was congratulating me on the success of the Rheinberger surgery.”

But Petra was unconvinced. Zackley didn’t come out of his office for just anything, and certainly not quick congratulations. There was a reason, a bigger reason, and Petra was going to find out.

\---

“What do you think about the new Neuro Chief?” Petra asked while she and Nanaba were scrubbing in for an appendectomy on a young boy. If there was anyone she could trust, it was her mentor and friend. She had a deep respect for the man, and it wasn’t just because he was a talented surgeon.

“He’s a lovely man. Very well spoken. Talented. I mean, nobody thought he was going to successfully remove that tumour, right?”

“Right,” Petra muttered. “But he’s distant, isn’t he? Like he’s hiding something.”

Nanaba gasped. “That’s what Mike said! Well, _smelt._ ”

“Good, I’m not the only one,” Petra muttered under her breath, suspicions confirmed. Now all she had to do was show Levi that he was up to no good.

“Why are you asking this? Is something wrong?” Nanaba asked, turning towards her. His face was serious and concerned.

“No, nothing wrong. Not with me at least. I’m just looking out for somebody.”

Nanaba sighed. “Levi, right?”

“What?” Petra said nervously, her voice low and denying. “No…”

“I keep up with hospital gossip, you know. You and Levi are as thick as thieves, and Levi has been getting awfully cozy with Erwin…”

“I just don’t want Levi to get hurt,” Petra blurted out, shaking her hands of water, frustrated. “I’ve never seen him like this… so confused and… _enamoured_ with a man.”

“Levi’s an adult, and a very capable one at that. I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Nanaba said. Petra may admire his truth and wisdom, but he didn’t know Levi, not like she did. “Erwin is a lovely man, despite being distant. Everybody keeps secrets for a reason. I’m sure Erwin’s reasons, like all of our reasons, are good.”

Erwin may be allowed to keep secrets, but Petra wasn’t about to let him spin lies. Not with Levi, who had been lied to for the majority of his life before being told the truth. Levi hated lying and liars.

Really, Petra was just saving Levi from long-term heartache. Erwin Smith was hiding something, and she was going to find out what.

\---

Eren sauntered up to the group at that point, ear firmly connected to his phone. “Yeah, I know… Yes, I’ll be careful…. I know how to cook properly, you don’t need to baby me, y’know- … Yeah, yeah, get back to your fancy pants hospital. I’ll talk to you soon, Mika… Okay, bye.”

The three look at Eren with confusion, which basically asks the question itself.

“That was my sister. She worries a lot.”

“Right,” Marco muttered, turning back to Arming and Jean. “Well we were having a discussion-”

“More like a criminal trial,” Jean mumbled under his breath.

“A _discussion_ about the other day.”

“I’ve got it covered, don’t worry,” Eren said nonchalantly, rolling up the sleeves of his lab coat and cracking his knuckles. “A few punches to the face should do the trick.”

“ _Without_ violence,” Armin quipped, patting Eren’s shoulder as he sat down beside him.

“You’re no fun Armin,” Eren muttered, arms folded and anger increasing. “And you’re a real dick Jean, and one day you’ll get what you deserve.”

“I’ve already apologised, can’t we just leave it be?”

“No,” Eren growled. “We can’t. Because what you did was not only rude, it was betrayal. Armin is – was – your friend and you just fucking _outed_ him in front of our boss.”

Jean’s jaw dropped, mouth and eyes wide as he let Eren’s words sink in. He knew Eren was right, and he was only arguing for argument’s sake.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Eren crossed his arms in satisfaction. “There’s no argument here, because you did the wrong thing.”

“I’m sorry, Armin,” Jean said, turning to Armin. It wasn’t the most sincere apology, but then again, Jean didn’t really give out many apologies. “I really am.”

Armin nodded, before shrugging. “It’s okay.”

Marco clapped his hands. “Great, now that we’re all friends again, maybe we can go back to talking about _medical_ issues… because this is a _hospital,_ ” he said, a fleeting touch to Jean’s shoulder going noticed by Eren and Armin, whose face dropped into sadness once again.

“C’mon Armin, I heard there’s a freaky case down in the ER,” Eren said, voice bitter. “Better go get first dibs.”

The two interns walked away silently until they were sure that Jean and Marco could hear them.

“There’s no freaky case in the ER, is there?”

“Nope. But I figured you wouldn’t have wanted to sit through Jean and Marco making love eyes at each other.”

“Thanks,” Armin muttered, hands twisted together in front of him.

“Hey,” Eren said softly, stopping their walking and turning to Armin. “It may not be freaky, and it may not be in the ER, but I do have a patient who needs a thoracentesis. Wanna watch me do it?”

Armin smiled fondly and nodded. He hadn’t smiled all that much in the past couple of days, and Eren was glad to see it again. “But I won’t be watching, I’ll be helping, won’t I?”

Eren sighed. Armin had helped him with too many procedures to not call his bluff on this. “Yeah.”

Armin giggled - the sound of which Eren would probably save in his mind because it sounded so pretty - and patted Eren lightly on the back. “Let’s go then.”

\---

“He’s crazy!” Petra exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “I found out his secret. He’s crazy.”

Levi shifted on the couch, sighing. He flipped the page of his medical journal, keeping disinterested. “I think we’re all crazy Petra. You’re going to have to be a little more specific.”

“Erwin. He was at the psych ward, Levi. The psych ward.”

Levi dropped his journal and narrowed his eyes. This was new. Petra had talked to him a lot about Erwin in the past week or so, but she’d never tried to spin lies.

“He was probably just dropping off a patient’s paperwork or something.”

“No,” Petra said, sitting down next to Levi. “He actually walked up the reception - who all greeted him like an old friend, might I add - and then walked inside the ward. Have _you_ ever actually walked inside that place?”

Levi frowned. “No…”

“So why else would he be walking in there?”

“I don’t know,” Levi shook his head. This was getting ridiculous. “Does it matter?”

“Yes, because if you’re considering this guy to be your boyfriend-“

“I’m not considering him for anything-”

“Then you need to know what he’s hiding. His secrets. His _lies._ ”

“Don’t worry Petra, I’m still a commitment-phobe, you don’t have to worry about me running off with Smith, psych patient or not.”

“Good, because he’s crazy.”

“I’m sure he has his reasons - _good_ reasons - because we’re supposed to be reducing mental health stigma, not adding to it.” Levi drawled. “How do you even know this anyway?”

“ _Please,_ do you not keep up with hospital gossip?" Petra scoffed. "And Nanaba said that Mike said that Smith is hiding something. He smelt it.”

Zacharius was the crazy one.

“You know that _you’re_ the one who sounds crazy, right?”

“Fine, have it your way, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Petra looked back at him with a steel face and blazing expression before storming out of the room, making sure that he was listening carefully. “Smith goes to the psych ward every day at 11:30 in the morning, if you want to see for yourself.”

Levi tried to file that information away in the part of his brain that he never used, but his mind wandered to a place he didn’t want it to go.

What if Erwin was in trouble? It wouldn’t sneaking around if he was just looking out for a colleague…

Levi glanced at the clock. 10:00. If he finished some jobs now, he would be able to make it in time, no worry. In and out, nobody would see him.

\---

Marco didn’t want to do this, but he had to, if he wanted to look after Jean. And, well, Dr. Ackerman was the best Resident, so surely he would learn something eventually. He took a deep breath and tapped the lion on the shoulder.

“What?” Levi didn’t even turn around.

“Dr Ackerman… I was just wondering…”

“No.”

“But-”

“No.”

“I was just-”

“No.” Levi finally turned around, facing Marco with a judgemental glare. “You don’t want back on my service, I’m _The Corporal_ , remember?”

“But from an educational standpoint, you’re the most beneficial to my learning, since you’re the best Resident and all…”

Levi scoffed and started to walk away. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Freckles.”

Marco watched as the Resident walked off. It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was close and wasn’t an outright no, and that was good enough in Marco’s books.

He would just keep trying. Surely, eventually, Ackerman would crack.

\---

“This is so stupid,” Levi muttered under his breath, the nervous tension building as the seconds ticked past. “This is so, _so_ stupid.”

The hand of the clock ticked past the designated time, and at that point, Levi decided he was done. This was stupid. Petra was being stupid and the idea to stake out in front of the psych ward was stupid. Not letting Erwin do whatever he wanted to was stupid.

Is this what he's become? A stalker with an unhealthy fixation on somebody that he didn’t even like. It was ridiculous, and ending now.

“Levi?”

Fuck. Oh fuck.

_That was Erwin’s voice._

_Erwin is behind you._

_Now you have to face him, you stupid idiot._

Levi’s mouth slipped from silence, “Shit.”

He turned around to face a confused Erwin. He hasn’t quite figured out what Levi was doing, but he’s not dumb. He’ll figure it out.

“What are you doing here?”

Levi bit his lip and shook his head. He couldn’t lie. There was no redemption. “Stalking you.”

“What- Why-” The second it dawns on Erwin, his face lights up with recognition before frowning into disgust. “ _Why?_ ”

“Because… I don’t fucking know why, Erwin.” Levi hissed, nervously tugging on his hair. “I don’t know why I do half the things I do anymore. You’ve fucked me up.”

Erwin’s face relaxed, only slightly, but less in confusion and more in anger. He is better at controlling his feelings than what Levi is. His voice was controlled, levelled and quiet. “So this is your way of expressing feeling?”

“No,” Levi groaned. “ _No._ This isn’t me. I don’t do this.”

“Then why are you doing it?”

“Because I was curious!” Levi ranted, unable to control his words. “You make me want to invest in your stupid life. I wanted to know what you were doing…. if you were okay? I mean, it’s not healthy to walk into the psych ward every day and… I don’t know, Erwin, I don’t know _anything_ anymore.”

There was a silence as Erwin’s anger peeled away, and his frown turned upside down into a crisp chuckle. Levi’s breathing stopped, honestly shocked at what he was seeing. Erwin was… laughing?

“You could have just asked?” Erwin supplied, still smiling. He was provoking the answer he wanted out of Levi, but there was no way Levi was going to fall for it.

“I don’t communicate feelings very well, if you haven’t already noticed.”

“I would have just told you,” Erwin said softly, smile dropping as he stepped forward into Levi’s personal space, “I can tell you, if you like.”

“No, it’s fine,” Levi muttered, grabbing the files he had left on the seat beside him in a small attempt to get away from Erwin’s body. “Your private life is your private life. You can do what you want with it. This was a mistake.”

“I can tell you, if you like,” Erwin repeated softly, this time accompanied by a hand on Levi’s shoulder, making him halt in movement so suddenly. He wasn’t used to this. “I’ll tell you.”

“You don’t need to,” Levi whispered, biting his lip viciously in order to avoid making a sound. Because Erwin’s hand on his shoulder was so much, almost too much, and all he want to do was push Erwin against the wall and make out with him. All of the pent up emotion and lust and tension... All the sinful things he wanted to do, and wanted to receive. He would take it and give it and _love_ it.

But he couldn’t. This was a hospital, and it was inappropriate.

Even though he had invaded Erwin’s privacy and stalked him like a creep, even though he owed Erwin the biggest heartfelt apology he could muster, even though he owed Erwin so much, he still did it. He ran, without any more explanation than the first time.

And screwed everything up again.

\---

Levi wouldn’t tell anybody that he enjoyed checking up on Rachel. It helped knowing Thomas’ heart, the one he had carved from the boy’s body, was not being rejected. It was helping and giving new life. And Levi was proud of that.

But the actual life that was being lived… well, Levi wasn’t too fond of that. Rachel was bubbly and bossy and talkative and always had her nose in somebody else’s business. Teenagers were already a pain to deal with, but annoying teenagers just added injury to insult.

But in this case, Levi actually enjoyed talking to Rachel. It kept his mind clear and undistracted.

“And then she said ‘I feel like she’s too ugly for this group’ and I was like ‘that’s way out of line’ so I ditched her at lunch, but then she went and told Kasey that-”

The girl’s rambling when on forever, but Levi soldiered on with his job.

“And how is your pain on a scale of 1 – 10?”

“A 5,” she replied, going straight back into her story. “But like, who does that? They are totally bitches. I think I’m going to de-friend them on facebook-”

Just then, Petra rushed into the room. He had text her the details of his earlier _altercation_ , but had then proceeded to avoid her indefinitely. He knew that she’d want to apologise. He knew that she’d want to talk about it. He knew that she’d push him into talking about his feelings.

He didn’t want to face the music.

“Shit, Levi, I’m so sorry,” she said, regret clear in her eyes. “I shouldn’t have told you to do that. I should have stayed out of it.”

“No, it’s fine. I could have just ignored you - I was going to ignore you - but… I didn’t.”

“And why not?”

Levi closed his eyes. “Because I’m like the bringer of disaster or something.”

“I hope you didn’t bring disaster to my heart,” Rachel said sarcastically as Levi and Petra’s heads turned slowly to face her, realising that they had spoken their worries while she was still in the room. “Yes, I’m still in the room. Don’t look so surprised.” She rolled her eyes. “By the way, you should probably just talk to this guy you’re hung up on.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, kid,” Levi muttered, wondering how she had managed to get that much information from such little conversation.

“You sound like you’re having trouble confessing your feelings to both him and yourself. It’s always better to get everything out in the open, even if he doesn’t like you back.”

Levi shook his head in disbelief and scoffed at the child, whereas Petra nodded along with her. “She has a point,” she said, and Levi couldn’t believe that Petra was siding with a twelve-year-old girl.

“But I don’t care about all that mushy ‘does he like me back?’ crap. I don’t want him.”

“I think you’d make a cute couple,” Rachel mused, hands reaching for her phone. Levi didn’t even have time to wonder how she thought they would make a cute couple if she had no idea who Erwin was. “I should put this on my blog.”

Levi growled and walked away from the room and into the hallway, Petra in tow. Stupid teenagers.

“As much as you hate to admit it, Levi, you _do_ like him.”

“Yeah… _and?_ ”

“This is the part where you decide what you want. Either way, you have to stop leading him on and stop stressing over your feelings.”

How could be possibly decide what he wanted? There was still so much he didn’t understand, about Erwin and his feelings. All he had been thinking about was how wrong his feelings were because of their professional situation. If anybody found out, or if anybody thought Erwin was favouring him, his career would be ruined. And Levi loved his job, an undeniable passion that couldn't be recreated, and he doesn’t want to lose it.

And yet… none of that meant anything if he couldn’t stop stressing over a person he had sex with once.

“I…” Levi started, gulping. “I want-“

A series of long, loud beeps emerged from both their pagers, and Levi looked down to see a bright red 911 EMERGENCY sign on his pager… and on Petra’s. Around him other people also received the call, doctors and nurses alike, sending the ward into frenzy.

“We’ll finish this later,” Levi muttered, tucking his pager back into his waistband and dumping his charts at the nurse’s desk.

A mass emergency call could only mean one thing,

Disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is valuable and appreciated!!! You can find me at levierwins.tumblr.com


	7. Disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a month since my last update... I'm so sorry!!! Life is kicking my ass, but I'm literally always thinking about this story, so there's no way I'm giving up on it at all. 
> 
> This chapter was written to the tune of [Landfill by Daughter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVlC4gBMnuk), especially the last scene. This chapter was a joy to write and is probably my favourite so far. I absolutely loved working on it. 
> 
> Thanks to Evan (writerjesus/queerbadass) for beta-ing again!
> 
> Enjoy!!

“What’s going on Hanji?” Levi asked when he finally made it down to the ER after collecting all of his interns, who were unsurprisingly slacking off in the cafeteria.

When Hanji turned to face him, their face lit up, eyes gleaming with energy. “Two trains collided on the East railway, massive casualties and injuries. Search and rescue wants to send some doctors to help on site.”

“Awesome!”

Levi turned around to face the intern in question – Jean, of course - who had expressed glee at the idea of such carnage. He understood the excitement; Levi was an intern who jumped on anything even remotely surgical at one time too, but he also knew that Jean would sorely regret his excitement once he actually got there.

Trauma was messy. Not just in the field, not just in practice, but also with your emotions. It messed with your psyche.

While Hanji enjoyed the chaos of carnage, they didn’t necessarily enjoy it. They enjoyed the thrill of the game, but the outcome was too often tragic for them to thoroughly enjoy it.

“I mean… sad, very sad, such a tragedy…” Jean muttered in guilt.

“So we’re sending all of our interns and junior Residents on call to the site,” Hanji explained. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Levi.”

“And leave these idiots at a trauma site? No way.”

 _They wouldn’t last one minute,_ Levi thought.

“It’s settled then,” Hanji said. “Bus leaves in ten minutes.”

\---

“Red, yellow and green labels,” Levi said, handing each intern a packet. “Red for serious emergent, yellow for moderate emergent and green for low emergent. Make sure the reds go to the ambulance first, but if they’re too far-gone, it’s best to call it and let them go. If there’s anything surgical, page me and I’ll be there.”

Armin looked down sadly while Eren and Jean nodded determinately. Ymir looked about the same as she did an hour ago; apathetic and bored. Levi had yet to get a read on her, undecided if her apathetic nature was a mechanism like his own or legitimate.

“It’s going to be messy.” Levi bit the inside of his mouth in order to avoid saying anything too fearful. These interns were being thrown into their first major challenge as surgeons… and it wasn’t going to be easy. “Be prepared.”

As the bus stopped, Levi stood up quickly and pushed the doors open quickly, the atmosphere of the crash site hitting them in the face with force.

There was chaos, everywhere, with no escape. Paramedics, doctors, nurses and rescue officers ran in every direction, while people lay bleeding on the floor in pain.

In death.

“Armin and Eren, you should stick together,” Levi said, quickly putting an end to the silence and shock of the scene. “Ymir, you’re with Jean. If you need anything, page me.”

With that, Levi started running head first into the ruin.

“But Dr. Ackerman, what are we supposed to do?” Jean asked in confusion.

“Find patients, help people, save lives! Go find surgeries!” He yelled, unable to look back at their faces and check if they were okay with the sight before them.

Because after today, he was sure they wouldn’t be okay anymore. Nobody was okay after their first trauma.

\---

“What’s going on?” Erwin asked, tearing into his trauma gown, gloves, and mask, clothing himself in them. He had barely slept a minute when he had been paged back to the hospital, and the radio in his car had given him no inclination as to what had happened.

But by looking at the state of the Emergency Room, it was something big.

“Train collision. Mass casualty.” Hanji replied whilst directing other nurses and doctors. “I have a head wound in bed three, or a possible brain bleed in bed… uh, in the hallway. Take your pick.”

Erwin took both the charts handed to him and inspected them. The head wound would be easy as soon as he directed a Resident on how to stitch it up, but the brain bleed could need surgery.

“I’ll deal with the wound first, but I want labs and a CT scan on the brain bleed as soon as possible.” Erwin folded the charts under his arm. “Can I have a Resident to help?”

“Not possible. They all went to the crash site.”

Erwin’s heart stopped.

“Wait… Dr Ackerman… did he go as well?”

Hanji stopped and stared at Erwin, intuitively picking up on his inner distress. “Yes… Why?”

“No reason,” Erwin muttered, squeezing his eyes shut and walking away.

He needed to pull it together. The trauma had already happened, the trains had already crashed, and Levi was fine. He was going to be fine. There was no reason at all for him to worry. No reason at all.

\---

Levi stared down at the patient before him, crusted dark red and still as stone.

“Time of death… 3:45,” Levi said out loud before, scribbling the time on the patient’s tag and zipping him up in a blue bag.

It was the fourth casualty he’d lost, and it was getting monotonous. Around him, nobody else seemed to be having much luck. Sure, there were some people screaming in agony, unknowing that it was a blessing in disguise. However, for every living patient, there was almost certainly a dead one.

“Are you a surgeon?”

“Yes.”

“Do you mind taking a look at this man over here? It will only take a second.” A seemingly inexperienced paramedic asked.

Levi took one look and did a simple chest exam before turning to the paramedic. “He’s bleeding internally and needs surgery immediately or he’s going to die.”

The paramedic bit his lip and nodded. “Thank you.”

Levi was glad he was able to help someone, even if he knew it was tentative. There was only so much transport. It could be a possibility that the patient wouldn’t get to the hospital in time.

Before he could move onto the next patient, his pager beeped in distress.

\---

Ymir panted heavily as she ran, unable to keep up with Jean. He was running around like a freaking idiot and she hadn’t been to the gym in months.

“Wait up asshole!”

“There are more people over here,” Jean shouted back. “Look.”

Ymir’s eyes followed his eyesight, which pointed to a girl stuck under part of a train carriage. She continued to watch in disbelief as Jean moved towards the wreckage and proceeded to try moving the metal off her.

“What the fuck?” She screeched. “That’s a job for search and rescue, not us!”

Jean kept pushing at the carriage pathetically as stayed stationary and unmoving, crushing the girl indefinitely. “She’s in trouble. She needs help.” He panted whilst heaving breaths of air. “We have to help.”

“Are you _that_ idiotic? She’s probably already dead.” Ymir muttered, kneeling down to the girl. Her head was half covered by metal and one of her legs was also crushed. “Move if you can hear this.”

Her fingers curled into fist weakly and her eye opened to look at Ymir with pain and determination.

It was faint, but it was there. She was alive for now, but would certainly be dead if they did nothing.

Ymir groaned. If only she had visited the gym yesterday, maybe this might not be such a dreadful idea.

“Okay idiot, here’s the plan,” Ymir said, standing up to join Jean. “On the count of three, we push together. If the carriage starts to lift, we can’t let it drop again or it will crush her again. We have to keep pushing.”

“Okay,” Jean replied, staring back at the metal. “I didn’t think of that.”

Ymir rolled her eyes. It was only common sense. Any idiot would realise that lifting this thing could harm the patient more than it had originally.

“Can you do it or not?” She asked impatiently. “We haven’t got all day. There are other people that need our help.”

Jean’s face quickly changed, his scared and unsure face firming into smirk. There was no way he would back out of a challenge. “Of course I’ll do it.”

Ymir steadied herself, her hands placed firmly under the crushed metal of the train, ready to push. “On the count of three.”

\---

“Eren? Armin?” Levi called out to nobody in particular. There were a few people loitering around , and a few paramedic trying to help them, but aside from that there was nobody to be seen. He had no idea why his interns had strayed this far from the trauma site, but he didn’t like it.

“Over here,” Armin’s distinct voice called out from inside a bent and derailed portion of the train carriage.

Levi rushed over, unprepared for what he would see

“What… What the hell?” Levi muttered. Facing him was a man impaled on a metal pole, with his head cradled in Eren’s arms while Armin’s arms were holding gauze the site of impact.

“He’s seizing and we don’t know how to stop it.” Eren said, trying to hold the man as still as possible. Eren looked calm and in control, while Armin looked frazzled and half-way to a panic attack.

“When I said go find surgeries, I didn’t mean go into the crash site.” Levi yelled, uncaring about using his professional and calm persona. “You guys are fucking idiots.”

Eren pouted, “That’s the first time you’ve sworn, sir.”

“Really? That’s what you have to say to me?” Eren shrugged, while Armin flinched. “Oh for fuck’s sake.” Levi stepped forward to inspect the man’s head, doing what his interns wouldn’t. “What’s one of the first things you check when a patient is seizing?

“Their eyes,” Eren replied.

“And did you check this man’s eyes?”

“Yes, I did,” Armin said, stuttering on his next words as he tried to remember what he did. It was clear he was no good under an intense situation. “He- He was… He has blown pupils.”

“What now?” Levi pressed on. Armin knew the answer, and Levi would drag it out of him if he had to.

“He… He probably has an intracranial bleed and needs surgery.” Armin said, hands visibly shaking. “Not to… Not to mention the- the pole in his stomach.”

Levi rolled his eyes, although he did feel sympathy for the intern. “Okay, go get someone who can cut this guy out of here Banana.”

“And for a second there, I thought you had stopped calling us names…” Eren muttered under his breath.

“Never,” Levi snapped, taking Eren’s spot at the man’s head. “Now go get as much gauze and bandage and pack the wound.”

As Levi got a closer look, he realised that the head wound was a depressed skull fracture indefinitely. This man probably needed burr holes to alleviate the pressure under his skull.

But he needed them now.

He glanced towards Eren, who seemed to be holding up well. No shaking, no crying, no clear emotional involvement other than concern. _Perfect, I’ll need all the hands I can get._

“What are you doing?” Eren asked as Levi dug into his pocket and dragged out his phone.

“Calling someone,” Levi muttered, pressing the name he was searching for and pressing call. “Someone who can help us drill holes in this man’s head.”

“We’re… _what?_ ”

The call picked up on the second ring.

“ _This is Dr. Erwin Smith speaking. Who is this?_ "

“Dr. Smith,” Levi said, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible. “It’s me, Dr. Ackerman. I’m at the crash site, and I need your help.”

\---

One of the last things Erwin expected today was a massive train crash that would injure hundreds of people. But _the_ very last thing he expected today was to get a call from Levi.

He didn’t think that the other man had even kept his phone number, let alone put it in his mobile phone. But he had, leaving Erwin with the tiniest hope that maybe… _maybe_ Levi liked him enough to start something.

But before Erwin could return to fantasising about his Resident, he had to instruct him how to drill holes in a man’s head over the phone.

“But you have to make sure you don’t hit the brain tissue,” Erwin explained, leaning against the desk of his office in exhaustion. He had already been through one emergency surgery today, and the day definitely wasn’t going to end anytime soon. “Hit the brain tissue… and you could leave him with anything from speech impairment to complete brain damage.”

“ _Okay,_ ” Levi muttered through the phone. There was a rustling noise with the phone and a few noises in the background and all Erwin could do was wait patiently until Levi’s voice greeted him once more. “ _How long do you think until the brain bleeds will cause irreplaceable damage? I have search and rescue ready to get him out, but they say it will take about 20 minutes…_ ”

Levi’s voice was starting to sound strained and stressed.

“We don’t have that much time... 10 minutes maximum.”

Both of them knew how long 10 minutes meant in a case of life and death.

“ _Okay_ ,” Levi muttered again, taking a deep breath. It sounded like he was steadying himself and preparing. “ _We can’t free him yet. I have to drill the holes first, and then you can cut him free._ ” Levi talked in the background.

There were a few more noises, before Levi returned, his voice much more distant. “ _Armin, hold the phone. You’re on speakerphone, Smith. Don’t say anything stupid._ ”

Erwin had a rough idea about what Levi was talking about, not that he would say anything like _that_ in a situation like _this_.

“You need to position the drill in a 90 degree angle on the source of the swelling. You need to crack the skull, but stop when you see blood.”

“ _Eren, hold his head still._ ” There were more noises and faint voices, before Erwin heard the distinct noise of a power drill being turned on and off.

He shuddered at the thought of a power drill being torn into a man’s head instead of a high powered and sterilised neurosurgical drill, but there was nothing that could be done about it. It was an emergency, and emergencies were messy.

“ _I’m starting._ ”

Erwin held his breath as he listened the drill lurch to power and churn. He kept holding his breath until he physically couldn’t anymore, absently thinking about how this was taking too much time, the drill wasn’t powerful enough and that Levi, _his_ Levi, was going to hit brain tissue and kill an innocent man.

There was a crack, a crack Erwin knew instinctively as the breaking of skull, and small squeal of shock.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Levi swore.

“Levi?” Erwin pressed, his heart rate speeding up. _He’s killed the patient, surely. This was a terrible idea._ “Talk to me? What’s going on?”

“ _Patient is fine, Dr. Smith. There’s a lot of blood, but I haven’t hit the brain. I’ve applied gauze. He’s stable for now._ ” Levi explained in his usual sharp and professional demeanour.

 _Thank God,_ Erwin thought to himself as he finally let his body relax. “I’ll get the OR ready for when he comes in.”

“ _Okay._ ”

“You did a good job, Dr.-”

There was a long bang, the sound of metal screeching against metal, and the line went dead. Just like that, Levi was gone.

“Levi? Are you there?”

Erwin frowned, taking the phone off his ear to look at the screen.

_Call ended 4:01 pm._

He pressed the call back button quickly, placing the phone back to his ear. One ring, two rings, three rings, four rings… Voicemail.

“ _You’ve reached Levi Ackerman’s phone, leave a message._ ”

Panic filled Erwin’s lungs as he started to think about the implications of the noises he had heard and the phone going dead … surely they made sure they were in a safe position before they started the procedure.

Surely somebody would have ensured they were safe.

Erwin called Levi again, but was put straight back onto the same voicemail message he had heard before.

“ _You’ve reached Levi Ackerman’s phone, leave a message._ ”

“Fuck,” Erwin growled, clenching his phone in his fist before throwing it to the floor in a desperate rage of frustration.

 _He was fine,_ Erwin told himself. _He had to be fine._

There was no way Erwin could go on if he wasn’t.

\---

“Dr. Ackerman?”

Levi could faintly hear his voice being called, but ignoring it was a much better idea in order to sleep in.

Sleep…. Sleep is good. Sleep is peaceful and safe and _good_. It's been so long since Levi has had some good sleep… Yes, he was definitely going to ignore that voice…

“Dr. Ackerman?!”

His hand wandered forward, searching for his alarm clock.

“DR. ACKERMAN!”

Levi opened an eye to see Eren staring at him. What the fuck was his pesky intern doing in his room? Watching him sleep?

Surely he hadn’t actually stooped so low as to sleep with an _intern_?

“What the fuck?” He gasped, forcing himself upright and into a sitting position.

And then he realised….

No, he hadn’t slept with Eren Jeager. He’d only done a complex surgical procedure with instruments out of an everyday tool box before being knocked unconscious by who-knows-what in the middle of an open trauma sight with about ten people watching and Erwin Smith on the phone.

Both of ideas seemed fairly terrible.

“You probably have a concussion.” Eren moved further into Levi’s personal space, grimy fingers wondering and touching his head. “We’re going back to the hospital.”

“Fuck that, I am not going back to the hospital.” _Not when there are so many people needing my help._

Levi moved to get up but Eren pushed him back down firmly. “You can't see it, but you have this massive cut along your forehead that needs stitches.”

Suddenly, Levi could feel the discomfort radiating from the skin of his forehead, bandaged up by what was probably a massive, ugly, white bandaid glued to his skin. 

“I was hit by a pole,” Eren explained, moving his leg up into Levi’s vision. There was a deep gash on his shin that also looked like it needed stitches. “Well, _we_ were hit by a pole.”

“I can’t believe it,” Levi muttered, shaking his head. “ _A pole._ ”

Eren laughed briefly. “It was the same kind of pole embedded in that man’s stomach. The kind you hold onto when you stand up on the train.”

“How’s the patient? Was anyone else hurt?”

“Patient’s fine. Being cut out as we speak. Armin’s with him.” Eren explained. “A pretty good outcome considering you drilled into his head. If everything goes right in surgery, I expect a full recovery.”

It was news any doctor wanted to hear, but something was wrong. There were so many things that _could_ go wrong. The man could go into cardiac arrest at any time, he could develop another brain bleed, he could bleed out in surgery, he could suffer irreparable brain damage and he might not ever wake up from anaesthesia… So many things could go wrong.

And yet Eren was almost cheerful.

“How can you be so optimistic?”

Eren stopped and frowned. “What’s there to be pessimistic about?”

Levi frowned, trying to find a way to delicately articulate what he wanted to say without being too blunt. “There are people dying around you. That doesn’t affect you at all?”

“Oh, it does,” Eren’s face darkened, and Levi felt guilty for dampening the mood. “I mean, nobody in their right mind could be okay with all this.” And then Eren’s eyes brightened again, flashing to life in a way that Levi hadn’t seen from the intern before. “But it happened and we’re here now and we have to make the best of what we’ve got.”

Levi hummed in agreement, but didn’t say anything else. He didn’t expect that level of eloquence from Eren, the intern who was sloppy, lazy, and unmotivated. The intern he was all but expecting to fail. The intern that had no drive, but suddenly had drive when it came to saving lives in its purest form.

Maybe Eren would make a good trauma surgeon. But from what Levi saw… he would probably make a better paramedic.

“Oh, by the way, your phone has been going off.” Eren said, grabbing Levi’s phone from the floor and handing it to him. A cheeky smile graced his lips and Levi knew then that something was wrong. “Someone named ‘That supermodel from the bar’ keeps calling you…”

Levi immediately snatched his phone from his intern’s hand, physically turning away from those pondering eyes.

_18 missed calls._

“Somebody special?” Eren teased, but Levi ignored it. If Eren were smarter, he would have realised that it was Erwin calling him after being disconnected.

 _The patient is fine, stop calling me_ \- Levi

Surprisingly, he received a text in almost two seconds.

 _wat about u?_ \- That supermodel from the bar

Levi frowned at the use of horrible abbreviations and text speech.

 _Is this Erwin Smith?_ \- Levi

 _yes. r u ok?_ \- That supermodel from the bar

 _I’m fine, you can stop texting me_ \- Levi

 _im glad ur ok_ \- That supermodel from the bar

Levi wasn’t quite in the headspace to wonder how a world-class neurosurgeon like Erwin Smith texted like 13-year-old.

He quickly changes 'That supermodel from the bar' to 'Stupid dumbass' and deletes their text history.

\---

Ymir looked down at the girl they had managed to free from the wreckage, and winced as her groans and moans of pain increased in volume.

“Jean!” Ymir growled, shoving more gauze at the girl’s bleeding abdomen. “Shut her up.”

Several other people had joined their impromptu rescue mission, grabbing more supplies in order to deal with the severity of her injuries. “That’s your job,” Jean sneered, preparing a needle for injection. “I’m going to practice real medicine.”

“Fuck you too,” Ymir muttered, unsurprised at the other’s ruthlessness and lack of compassion. If the roles were reversed, she probably would have said the same. Nobody wants to be the one holding a patient’s hand when there’s actual medicine to be practiced.

But Ymir took a deep breath and looked down, surveying the sight before her. Half of her face was crushed and burnt into a pulp, while her abdomen was bleeding and swelling. She probably had massive internal bleeding, and possibly some cranial bleeding too. Not only that, but her leg was sufficiently broken and stuck at a grotesque angle.

Ymir doubted she would survive the night.

She sighed and moved so that she could hold the girl’s hand in hers. Despite her subtlety, Jean noticed.

“See what I told you? Real medicine here, nursing over there.”

“Bite me, Horse Face.”

“My pleasure.”

\---

Erwin’s fingers thrummed with nervous energy as he pressed the 'G' button on the elevator, watching the LED screen as the floors flew by and the elevator came towards him.

Levi was alive, but he was hurt. He had pestered Hanji to give him as much detail as they could about his condition, but they still didn’t know the full story. All they knew was that he had a head injury and needed stitches. 

Levi would be arriving at any second, and Erwin was willing to fight to be there to inspect his head injury himself.

The elevator doors opened, and there he was, standing in the middle of the elevator like he didn’t have a gash on his forehead or a concussion.

“Levi?”

“Erwin,” Levi said with nod. He was as stoic as ever, yet not completely emotionless. The was a sparkle – a glint – in his eyes that made Erwin’s heart stop and start multiple times.

“Shouldn’t you be in the Emergency Room?” Erwin asked, eying his injury. It looked mostly superficial, but there would definitely be a faint scar on his forehead.

Levi shrugged like it was nothing. “It’s not that bad.”

Erwin’s face contorted and his body shook as he rushed into the elevator and pulled the emergency stop button.

“Hey!”

“I thought you were dead,” Erwin whispered. He could feel the familiar pressure building behind his eyes, but he forced it back. This was not the time or place to start blubbering over something that didn’t happen.

Levi was alive, and Erwin was blessed for that.

“Well I’m obviously not dead,” Levi scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Something within Erwin snapped, his body moving on its own accord, reaching out to grab Levi’s arm as gently as he could muster. Levi turned to him, stumbling closer to Erwin’s body than what both of them anticipated. Levi’s eyes were wide and unsure, but he didn’t pull away. He didn’t say anything as he let Erwin’s hand move from his arm to his shoulder, and from his shoulder to his neck. 

Erwin could feel Levi’s pulse under his fingers, the first piece of evidence that told you somebody was alive and breathing. All he had to do was step a bit closer, pull Levi a little bit to the left, close the gap and they’d be kissing like he’d been wanting to for the past month.

“I thought you were dead,” Erwin repeated again, voice softer and more sensitive. Levi shivered slightly under Erwin’s hand while their eyes meet in a brief pause.

And then Levi leaped, his body jerking forward into Erwin’s arms. Erwin stumbled backward in return, but quickly found his footing while Levi also found his mouth. It was wet and sloppy and quite possibly one of the worst kisses Erwin had ever had, but it didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter that their teeth clashed and their noses bumped awkwardly and they stumbled like inexperienced teenagers, because it was Levi, and Levi was _everything_.

And suddenly, in a quick second, they found their footing, moving seamlessly like they’d known each other forever. Like they’d done this many times before and it was as natural as breathing. Like they were born for it, as much as they were born to be surgeons and practice medicine. 

In a fast swoop, Erwin dragged Levi forward and pinned him to the wall of the elevator. Levi’s leg hooked around Erwin’s body and their tongues roamed ever so slightly, enough to make Levi moan and Erwin growl in retaliation.

God damn it, it’s the best worst kiss Erwin has ever had.

He’s intoxicated on the feeling of Levi against him, yet they’re both still very sober and aware, enough so that they stop to look at each other at the same time, sensing what the other was thinking and feeling before anything was said.

Realisation was an unspoken, yet truly awful disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr at levierwins.tumblr.com or twitter @levierwins.


	8. Progression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is dedicated to the latest character to fall victim to the pen of Shonda Rhimes (may their soul rest in peace ;__;). Don't watch Grey's Anatomy season 11. Just don't.
> 
> Please forgive me for the wait on this. Life has been fairly busy recently and I've had a few personal problems that have hindered the writing process. I have an affinity for writing angst at the moment and this story isn't exactly angsty right now. Check out my latest story [Help, I'm Alive](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3796975/chapters/8455084) or my recent drabbles [here](http://levierwins.tumblr.com/tagged/spinsy+fic) if you wanna see more of that stuff.
> 
> Thanks to queerbadass/writerjesus for beta-ing!!

When it came to Erwin Smith, Levi regretted a lot. 

He regretted being his one night stand, he regretted always running away like a child, he regretted being harsh to him and he really, _really_ regretted snooping on him. 

But right now, as he breathed heavily through his nose - because he never had enough air when it came to Erwin - and shuddered from the intensity of Erwin's lips dragging against his own, he didn't regret it. He didn’t regret anything.

Regardless of what had happened, it was clear to Levi now that none of it mattered; they were always going to be drawn together, one way or another.

That, and the fact that he wanted to kiss Erwin over and over again. He never wanted to stop. And when they parted, Levi was disappointed. 

“Oh shit… Levi, you’re bleeding through your gauze…” Erwin muttered, breaking their silence and bringing them back to reality.

Instinctively, Levi reached up to touch his bandage, but Erwin swatted him away. Surely it wasn't that bad? It didn't hurt or anything...

“I’ll get you patched up,” Erwin said softly, reaching out to push the emergency button on the elevator again, lurching it back into motion. 

“Wait-” 

Erwin stopped, looking towards Levi in question. He probably looked like a lunatic right now, with gauze taped to half his forehead and a panicked look in his eyes. He knew he was doing everything wrong, and making himself look like an idiot, but he couldn’t stop the words tumbling from his mouth.

“I- Can we not go to the Emergency Room? I don’t want to be there right now..."

“Okay,” Erwin said, internally weighing up his options. “I guess I could steal some supplies from the supply closet and patch you up in my office.”

Levi sighed in relief and nodded. 

"That's perfect.”

Erwin smiled back in his ridiculously gorgeous way and pressed the button to take them back to the surgical floor. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Erwin asked. Levi frowned in confusion, before Erwin spoke again to clarify. “About not wanting to go to the Emergency Room.”

“I just don’t want to be there," Levi said simply. _I don’t want to see all the people that are halfway to their deaths in a bloody mess on the floor while I walk away with a small and non-lethal wound._

They made their way to the supply closet, with the silence making Levi wonder if Erwin regretted what they had just done. Thoughts of doubt ran through his mind at a high speed that he couldn’t escape from. Maybe he was reading the signs wrong, maybe Erwin didn’t want this after all, maybe all the flirting had just been a cruel game to him...

And then Erwin looked back, eyes soft with concern.

“I get it, y'know."

"Hmm? Get what?"

"Not wanting to be seen as weak," Erwin muttered. "Not wanting to be embarrassed over your flaws."

Levi cursed himself internally as he remembered back to Erwin's demeanour after he had snooped on him outside the psych ward. Erwin was clearly talking about himself, about his struggles, and Levi had completely trivialised it like it was entertainment. 

It wasn't entertainment. Levi of all people knew that. 

"I know what you're thinking," Erwin said as he opened the unlocked the door to his office and lead Levi inside. "And it's only partially true."

"Like I said before, Erwin, it's none of my business."

"And like I said before, I would tell you." Erwin gestured to the chair in front of him. "Take a seat."

Levi bit his lip, but sat down anyway. The tension in the room was awkward and stifling, and suddenly, he didn't want to do this anymore. He couldn’t handle this anymore. He didn't want to be here, with his feelings at the mercy of Erwin, who could bring Levi to his knees and destroy him without a second thought. 

"This might sting a little," Erwin said as he took a needle full of local anaesthetic and flicked the end. "But you already knew that."

_Too late to back out now._

Instinctively, Levi shut his eyes as the needle came towards him, but felt no discomfort in the act. It was bearable. 

Bearable enough to let his guard down. 

"So tell me then," Levi blurted, eyes focusing on Erwin's hair rather than his expression or his preparation of the needle that would soon be threading its way through his skin, patching him up and mending him. "Tell me why."

Erwin didn't look at Levi, and only proceeded to stoically prepare for his stitches. "Visiting hours at the psych ward are from 10-12 in the morning."

That made... a lot of sense, actually. Erwin wasn’t there for himself, he was there for somebody else. If Levi had given the situation thought outside of his personal feelings, he probably would have realised that. 

"My sister isn't very well at the moment. She tried to kill herself a few months ago. It's one of the reasons why I moved back here. She needs support and the least I could do is give it to her."

Erwin turned towards Levi, needle and thread in hand, eyes only slightly dampened by sadness. Levi could tell this hurt him, no matter how smooth the delivery of his lines were. 

"I'm sorry," Levi said sincerely, before Erwin's fingers expertly worked on threading his skin back together. He winced slightly in discomfort, but kept talking to distract himself. "That must be hard for you, to uproot your entire life. Noble, though. Very caring."

"I love her," Erwin said, like it was nothing. "She's all I've got left."

Levi felt sympathy for Erwin, he really did. But even in times like these, even when Erwin's entire family was locked up in a psych ward, he still wished for that. He wished for a family he could care about, and a family that would care for him.

But that thought was selfish, and entirely untrue. Petra - and by default, the entire hospital - was his family now. He didn't have the right to wallow in this issue anymore. 

"Maybe that's untrue," Levi murmured, daring to test the waters. His heart pounded roughly in his chest, against his rib cage. If he didn't know better, if he wasn't a doctor and cardiothoracic surgeon in training, he probably would have thought he was having a heart attack. "Maybe she's not all you have left."

Erwin's hands stopped and paused, and his eyes stared back at Levi's in surprise. 

And then lust. 

"If my hands weren't handling your wound right now,” Erwin murmured, “I would kiss the crap out of you."

"And I would not object to that," Levi replied.

Erwin groaned, his face visibly contorting in frustration, but kept his hands moving, skillfully staying calm. Levi had to admit, he had quite the skill for keeping his emotions under control while working. 

“You don’t know the things you do to me, Levi.”

Levi’s eyes wandered south to the tent building at the crotch of Erwin’s scrubs and smirked. “I’m pretty sure I do.”

“You,” Erwin groaned, swallowing harshly, throat constricting, “Are terrible.”

“Just finish my damn stitches.”

As if his timing was perfect, Levi felt Erwin tie the last stitch up. As Erwin reached for the scissors, Levi reached out to stop him, bringing his arm down to his waist. 

“Still wanna kiss the crap me?”

There was a pause, as if Erwin was weighing up the viability of Levi’s offer, weighing up the chance of getting caught versus the chance of another tryst with Levi.

But really, the decision had already been made.

They were kissing again, picking up right where they had left off in the elevator, Erwin tugging Levi’s body against his own and curling his tongue into his mouth. In act of wickedness, Levi rutted down into Erwin’s lap, eliciting a deep growl from Erwin’s throat.

Levi would be lying if he said that noise didn’t send pleasure to his groin in return.

“Fuck, Levi,” Erwin sighed, the places where his fingers touched heavy on Levi’s waist. “Do we really wanna do this?”

“Yes. Yes, yes, _yes._ ” Levi mumbled, afraid to look Erwin in the eye. He suddenly felt extremely vulnerable, like it was a crime to admit his feelings. “I want it, I want _you._ ”

Erwin stilled against him.

“I feel like-”

But before Erwin could finish his sentence, the familiar beep of a hospital pager rang into the air.

“Fucking cockblock pagers,” Levi muttered, glancing over to the table where the noise came from. “It’s yours.”

Erwin reached over - still holding Levi in his lap - took one look at the pager and sighed. “911 to the ER.”

Levi stood awkwardly and climbed off Erwin’s lap. “Like I said, cockblock pagers.”

“You can stay here and rest on the couch if you want,” Erwin said as he gathered his things quickly.

“No way.” Levi grabbed the scissors and a new packet of gauze and handed them to Erwin. “You’re finishing what you started and bandaging me up.”

“Levi, I’ve got to go-”

“You really think I’m going to stay here while there’s surgeries out there? Please, I’m coming with you.” Levi forced the objects into Erwin’s hand and tipped his head back so Erwin could attend to him. “Hurry up or your patient is going to die.”

Erwin agreed wordlessly, reaching forward to do exactly as Levi said.

“But if you show any signs of a concussion, I’m sitting you out.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

\---

Levi stood stunned when they finally got to the ER.

“34 year old male, John Doe, found at the scene with a pole stuck in his abdomen. Was freed on both sides and given… emergency burr holes at the scene.”

“That’s the guy,” Levi said quickly, rushing up to Erwin’s side. “That’s the guy I drilled in the head.”

Erwin nodded and assumed a position at the man’s head in order to inspect the job that Levi had done. Meanwhile, Hanji and Pixis were inspecting the pole in his abdomen, trying to quickly determine the best way to extract it.

“Good to see you alive, Levi!” Hanji laughed maniacally. “Nice war wound.”

“Shut up and get your eye on the patient, Hanji. I didn’t get this war wound for nothing.”

He could see Erwin looking at him in disbelief, probably because of the way he talked to Hanji. Normally you would never see a Resident talk to an Attending like that, but for some reason, Hanji preferred informal communication. And Levi preferred it that way too.

Erwin finished inspecting the man’s head and stood back. “Looks like your burr holes were perfect, Dr. Ackerman.”

Going from making out in Erwin’s office to being his Resident on a case was hard to get used to, Levi decided. He had never slept with superiors before, so the awkward avoidance he usually finds with one night stands from the hospital aren’t an option here. But he preferred Erwin to be professional, if anything. 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“We’ll have to wait for the CT scan to make sure there’s no other damage or intracranial bleeders, but I’m optimistic.”

The patient was quickly whisked away to radiology while the remaining doctors in the room were left to discuss the patient’s care. It wasn’t too long before Hanji and Pixis decided to have an argument on the method they were going to use to cut the patient open. 

“Do they always argue like this?” Erwin asked Levi, shielding his mouth behind his hand.

“Not really,” Levi said. “Hanji just gets really passionate in emergency situations, but they’re usually right. Other surgeons try too hard to fix everything and make it perfect, but if you waste too much time doing that, then patient is going to die. Hanji has good intuition when it comes to this.”

“You sound like you’ve spent a lot of time working with them.”

Levi gave a thin laugh. “When I was an intern, Hanji was my Resident. It was… an interesting year.” 

Although ‘interesting’ was an understatement. His intern year was the craziest year of his life. Late nights spent trolling the hospital for interesting cases, his bet with Petra to see who could sleep with the most male nurses, stealing patients from other wards and specialties as a game, Hanji yelling at them when they did something wrong, Hanji playing pranks on them when they became too annoying and that one time Hanji and Petra kissed and Levi cried because he was drunk and it looked so beautiful…

“We’re going to CT now. If he needs more burr holes, it will be a couple of hours in the OR. Are you okay with that?” Erwin asked.

“I’m fine,” Levi grumbled. He wasn’t angry, but he wanted to be firm with Erwin. Now was not the time to care about him or give him special treatment. “The best thing you can do for me right now is treat me like your Resident.”

“Noted,” Erwin said sternly, nodding. “Let’s go.”

\---

“I wonder where Dr. Ackerman went,” Eren mused, stuffing more potato chips in his mouth. “I mean, he needed stitches too, so shouldn’t he be out here as well?”

“I don’t know,” Armin said as he stitched up Eren’s leg. Every now and then he would hit a nerve and Eren would wince in pain, but for the most part, Armin was doing an okay job.

Well, a better job than what Eren could do.

“What are you lame asses doing here?” Jean yelled as he jogged passed. “Weren’t skilled enough to get on a cool surgical case? Lame!”

Eren shook his head in disgust. “I hate that guy so much. How do you put up with his bullshit?”

Armin looked up at Eren in confusion. “You _know_ I have feelings for him.”

“Yeah, but how do you put up with having feelings for him? If I were you, I would love myself more than that.”

Eren could see a faint blush appear on Armin’s cheek, something which he noted would happen every time someone gave the man a compliment, even when it was small. It was cute, to say the least.

“You can’t choose who you have feelings for,” Armin grumbled, stealing one of Eren’s potato chips out of his hand.

“Hey! That’s mine!!”

“If I could choose, I would choose someone like you.”

Eren stared at Armin’s bright blue eyes for a second, slightly overcome with a strange feeling, before shaking it away indefinitely. Armin was his friend and only his friend. Nothing more.

“Geez Armin, thanks for the compliment.”

“But it’s true.”

Before Eren could reply sarcastically, a new trauma ripped through the Emergency Room. As soon as the man was situated in a room off to the side of the ER, multiple doctors, nurses and specialists came flooding in, including Dr. Smith and Dr. Ackerman.

Eren had noticed that they were awfully close nowadays. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s the guy we found, Armin.”

Armin’s head lifted to take a look, his face lighting up when he saw the commotion. Eren knew that Armin was meant to be in there.

“You should go,” Eren said. “Go and get yourself on that surgery.”

Armn shook his head and went back to the stitches. “I chickened out. I froze. You were the one who kept your cool. I did nothing.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be in there. This is a teaching hospital, aren’t you supposed to learn from your mistakes?”

“You are the one who should be in there,” Armin said firmly. 

Eren wondered how Armin had developed such an awful self-esteem, but he decided that he would be the one to change that. He was going to make Armin love himself, whether he liked it or not.

“Armin, I don’t want to be in there.” 

“What do you mean you don’t want to be- Oh. _Oh._ ” Armin sighed as he realised. “So you’re quitting?”

Eren shrugged. He didn’t want to quit until he was 100% sure of what he was going to do next, otherwise his sister was going to fry him alive. “Maybe.”

Armin’s face saddened. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Armin,” Eren said sternly, making eye contact so he knew he was listening. “Stop thinking about the future. Stop thinking about the past. Go in there, grovel to Ackerman and get the freaking surgery.”

Armin paused to consider Eren’s words, before nodding along. “You’re right. You are _so right._ ” 

Eren cracked a wide smile. “I am the surgeon whisperer, after all.”

“That’s not a thing.”

“It is _so_ a thing”

\---

After five hours in surgery, Levi was about to drop. He was tired, so tired, and all he wanted to do was let his head fall onto a pillow.

So much so he almost imagined that the chart in front of him _was_ a pillow.

“So, did you have any questions about the surgery?” Erwin asked, appearing beside him out of the blue. They tended to run into each other a lot, and Levi wondered whether it was pure luck or intuition.

But no matter what, Erwin always had the worst work-related icebreakers in the world. 

“Nope,” Levi muttered, pretending to read the chart intensely. “I’m a fourth year, not an intern.”

Erwin chuckled, nervously so, before sitting down in the empty chair next to him. “Look, Levi I-”

“Oh, Levi! There you are!!” A voice, very distinctly Petra-like, called from behind. In a matter of seconds, Levi was engulfed in the biggest hug of his life. “Thank Christ you’re okay. I heard that you’d been injured and I just… freaked out.” 

Petra continued to ramble on about her day, how concerned she was, and how hard it was to concentrate on work knowing that he was hurt. Her hands waved dramatically before she heaved a big sigh, clutching at Levi’s arm. “But you’re here. You’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” Levi replied, silently wishing that Petra would leave so he could finish his moment with Erwin, so he could go back to kissing Erwin in his office and possibly more. But Petra didn’t deserve that level of rudeness. 

“Are you ready to go home? Because I am _so_ ready to get out of here.”

“Sure,” Levi said, swallowing and looking away so that Petra couldn’t see the disappointment in his eyes. “I just have to finish up this chart, but I’ll meet you in the locker room, okay?”

“Okay.” And just like that, she was gone.

“But you’ve checked that chart three times already,” Erwin said as Levi turned back to him. 

Levi rolled his eyes and dumped the chart in its filing spot. “What, you actually want me to admit that I’m stalling so I can talk to you?”

“Yes,” Erwin smirked, pleased that he had managed to get an admission. Erwin, Levi realised, loved to tease him. But as his eyes darkened and his body went rigid, Levi knew he wasn’t just teasing. “Yes I do.”

The simple look of hunger that Erwin gave Levi made him weak at the knees and desperate for more. Erwin’s voice, smooth and provocative, just added injury to the insult. All it would take was a minute, and they would be back to making out and arching against each other.

“I- I-” Levi stuttered, feeling heat rise to his face, before huffing. “I swear I’m not usually like this. I’m not usually the one who blushes and gets nervous. _I’m_ the one with the sex eyes and the awesome hair and the sultry voice. You stole my spot.”

“I think it’s cute.”

“Now you’re blatantly trying to make my face go red.”

“I am.”

Levi shook his head in disbelief. How had he gotten here? How had he gone from easy lays and quickies with Erd in the on call room to _here_? He’s slept with men like Erwin before - strapping, intelligent, charismatic and seductive - and he’s dumped them all without a second thought. And yet, he can’t seem to get rid of Erwin, probably because he doesn’t want to get rid of Erwin.

He can’t start a relationship, but he doesn’t want to quit Erwin altogether either, leaving him with only one option.

“Look, I’m not good with this. I’m not a relationship guy, and I’m not looking for a relationship.” Levi dared to look Erwin in the eye, but he was giving no emotion away. “So you have a choice; friends or... friends with more. I’m fine with whatever, but… personally, I’d prefer more.”

Erwin nodded, almost like he knew this was coming. “Can I think about it?” 

Well it wasn’t a _no._

“Yes you can.”

“Okay,” Erwin said, smiling briefly, but not as brightly as before. It made Levi think that Erwin wasn’t too thrilled with his ultimatum. Then again, guys like Erwin probably didn’t get ultimatums too often.

“I guess I’ll see you around Dr. Ackerman.”

“I guess you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, find me on tumblr (levierwins) or twitter (also levierwins).


	9. Arrangement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo. It's me again!! I'm sounding like a broken record, but I'm sorry for the delay. Writers block is shit and life has been busy. 
> 
> Thanks as always to Evan (writerjesus/queerbadass) for beta-ing.

“Ah, Levi, you’ve risen from the dead!” Oluo chortled. “Nice to see you back with the living.”

Levi often wondered what it would take to get Oluo to shut up. It would probably be something just short of death. 

“It’s one fucking scratch,” Levi mumbled, ruffling his hair so his stitches couldn’t be seen. “Everybody needs to get over it.”

“He acts all tough but I’m sure it hurt him at the time,” Petra giggled. “Don’t be like that Levi, I’m sure Dr. Smith found it cute-”

“Shut it Petra,” Levi hissed, but the damage had already been done. 

“Wait, what would Dr. Smith find cute?” Eld asked, forcing himself into the group conversation. “Did I miss something?”

“You missed nothing,” Levi said, staring angrily at Petra for spilling the beans. “Petra was just _joking._ ”

Petra nodded, although unconvincingly. "It's just a stupid inside joke."

“That’s right, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Eld said, changing the subject while Levi breathed an internal sigh of relief. “Are you free after lunch to look over a research proposal? It would be a big help.”

Levi knew what that meant. It was always some sort of small excuse, some sort of small task, and it would always end up with a quickie in a call room. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but if Levi said no, it _would_ be out of the ordinary. 

“Yeah, sure,” Levi replied, trying desperately not to make a big deal out of it.

Oluo snorted beside them and Petra gave him a questioning look. They weren’t fooling anyone, of course, but that was hardly part of Levi's problem.

Did he really want to do this?

\---

“Dr. Ackerman!" Marco called out, huffing and panting when he finally caught up to the man.

"What is it?" Levi replied, already thoroughly uninterested in what Marco had to say. Although, Levi must care to some degree, otherwise he wouldn't have stopped.

Marco decided to be blunt, hoping that his senior would appreciate the approach. "I want back on your service."

Levi immediately dismissed him. "Not going to happen, Freckles." 

"Please, I'm begging you," Marco said, running forward to jump in front of Levi in order to stop him from walking away. "I'll do anything."

It was true, he would do anything. Although Levi was harsh and unbearable at times, at least Marco felt like he was getting some semblance of an education. His new Resident, Oluo Bozard, was a lazy and uninterested teacher at best his best times. 

And he missed the small group of interns that had formed around Levi. He missed Armin's wisdom, always willing to teach him a new skill or concept. He missed Eren's shenanigans, always making him laugh at the darkest of times. And Jean... He missed Jean the most. 

"I can't undo the swap, Freckles, but getting into Dr. Bozard's good books is pretty damn simple." Levi muttered, glancing at his watch and huffing. "He falls for flattery and kissing ass. Tell him he's amazing, the best 4th year Resident, stuff like that. You’ll be in on all the best surgeries in no time."

"Thanks," Marco muttered as Levi walked off, still very disappointed. 

It didn't matter how much he kissed Dr. Bozard's ass. It wouldn't the same.

\---

"Who's presenting here?" Levi asked, looking towards the two interns who were standing nearest to the patient a young woman, whose name was still unknown.

"I am," Ymir claimed.

"But I think you'll find my name on the chart," Jean said, passing it to Levi. Exasperated, Levi took the chart and looked down to see Jean's words true. 

"Fine, Kirschtein, go."

"Jane Doe, age approximately 23, found at the train crash five days ago crushed under metal." Jean explained. "Went in for surgery for her abdominal bleeding on that day. Yesterday we went into surgery to fix her broken femur, and she’ll need to have a second surgery to finish that job soon. She's been in and out of consciousness, but seems to have retrograde amnesia and can't remember who she is. We've been monitoring her closely for any post op infections and any neurological problems that might be affecting her amnesia."

"How many people have been consulted on this case?" Levi asked. 

"Pretty much every department at this hospital."

"What about neuro?"

"Dr. Rayfield was on this-"

"Get Dr. Smith in here for consultation." _If anybody could figure out what was causing this amnesia, it would be him._

"Yes sir."

"And do we have any news from the police?"

Jean shook his head. "Unfortunately, nobody of her description has been reported missing."

"Ymir," the woman whimpered, eyes barely open.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" Levi asked, moving closer to make sure he heard what he thought he had.

The woman looked towards Ymir weakly, a small smile gracing her lips when she caught sight of her. "I want Ymir with me..."

Jean's jaw dropped while Ymir grinned wildly. To add insult to injury, Ymir proudly walked up to the patient and started patting her blonde hair comfortingly as if they were old friends. 

"What the patient wants the patient gets," Levi said handing the chart off to Ymir, whose smugness was growing exponentially by the second. "Kirschtein you're off the case. Ymir, you're on it."

"But sir, you can't just take this away from me!"

"I just did, Kirschtein."

"B-But-"

"A word of advice Horsie," Levi said cooly. "Bedside manner is key. When you're a Resident, nobody wants you because you're weak and dumb. People want Attendings; the real surgeons. I suggest you take note of how Freckles 2 has somehow - out of the freaking blue - made this patient actually like her, unlike you."

They moved to visit the next patient, but not before Jean said one final word.

"Suck up," he grumbled. 

"Dumbass," Ymir spat.

 _Fucking immature interns,_ Levi thought.

\---

“So tell me again what it was like to drill into a man’s head with a _household power drill,_ ” Petra said as she took small bites of her sandwich. Levi had already told her this story five times, but since she had missed out on actually going into the crash site, it seemed she was living vicariously through Levi.

“It was the most amazing experience of my life,” Levi drawled sarcastically. The lie was glaringly obvious; it was actually one of the most terrifying experiences of his life, and one that would now leave him with a scar on his forehead

Petra sighed, before going on to finish her sandwich. "Tell me again why we have to eat lunch here?"

They were currently seated in the small waiting room of the 4th Floor Surgical Ward, an odd place for lunch and somewhere that technically didn’t allow food. Petra had groaned at the idea of eating here, mostly out of fear of the nurses telling them off, but Levi had insisted. He had to keep close to a particularly difficult patient. 

"Shadis basically told me that he's going to skin me alive if this patient dies," Levi explained. "His heart keeps stopping, and it's kinda a mess."

As if right on queue, Erwin walked into the area with a bunch of papers under his arm and a stapler. 

Levi really, really wished he had listened to Petra when she said eating in the waiting room was _not_ a good idea. 

“Oh, Dr. Smith! What are you doing here?” Petra asked innocently before Levi could reach over to stop her. 

It’s not that Levi was avoiding Erwin… Well… Actually, he was avoiding him. Thoroughly. 

It wasn’t that he was scared of Erwin’s answer to his ultimatum, but as soon as the man did answer, it was going to change their dynamic irreversibly. And even Levi himself didn’t really know which answer he wanted to hear.

He could have casual sex with Erwin that would distract him from what was important in life and potentially ruin his career. Or, he could have a strictly professional relationship that had no sex involved whatsoever. It was difficult to see himself in either position.

Levi watched Erwin’s eyes light up as his gaze fell on his own, and his heart skipped a beat momentarily.

He had missed just _looking_ at the man.

“Ah, it’s a long story,” Erwin said, scratching his head. “But basically, I’m hosting a housewarming party tonight. Only, it’s not really a housewarming party, because it’s not at my house.”

“But how could you have a housewarming party that’s not at your house?” Levi snorted, perplexed at how anyone could do something so stupid. 

“I guess you’ll have to come to find out,” Erwin said, smiling as he leant over to hand Petra and Levi a copy of the flyer he had just pinned to the bulletin board. 

His eyes were on Levi the entire time.

“We’ll be there for sure,” Petra said firmly, while Levi was silently angry at her for the second time that day. “Won’t we Levi?”

“Sure.”

“I’m glad.” Erwin gave them one last smile - Levi didn't think he had ever seen Erwin smile so much - before saying his goodbye.

“Well that wasn’t awkward at all,” Levi grumbled, turning back to his pasta lunch that had suddenly become unappealing.

“It’s only awkward because you make it awkward,” Petra pointed out. “It’s a party; it will be fun.”

Before Levi could reply, his pocket buzzed. He took it out his phone to see a reminder he set for his meeting with Eld. 

“Shit,” Levi muttered, standing up. “I gotta go.”

“Have fun with Eld!” Petra giggled.

Levi wanted to light himself on fire.

\---

Ymir smiled as she checked Jane Doe’s vitals. She was stable, and had been for a few hours. All good signs that meant they could soon proceed with physical therapy and plastic surgery, if elected.

“Thanks again for speaking up for me,” Ymir muttered, looking down at the woman. “I’ll probably get to sit in on your surgeries from now on, which means a lot for someone like me.”

“What do you mean by that?” She asked. Her voice was sounding stronger every hour Ymir came in to check on her, and she wondered how soon she would be able to sit up and eat solids. 

“I’m a surgical intern, so I don’t actually get to do surgeries. I just watch and assist. It can get boring, but,” Ymir paused and sighed. “Once you’re in there, it’s amazing.”

“I couldn’t think of anything worse... Seeing someone’s insides.” The woman shuddered, her disgust clear on her face. Ymir had noticed she was a gentle soul at heart, but she certainly wasn't a pushover, and she often spoke her mind freely to get what she wanted 

Ymir shrugged. “It’s not for everyone. But for me, it’s amazing. I love it.”

“That kinda makes you sound like a serial killer.”

Ymir rolled her eyes and placed the breath measurer to her mouth. “Shut up and blow into this as hard as you can.”

She did as Ymir said, and she withdrew the tool. 

“Pretty good,” Ymir noted, placing it back where it belonged and writing the number down on her chart. "What's your pain rating?"

"A four."

"Good," Ymir said, writing it down also. At least her pain was getting better. “Do you remember anything?”

Her face strained as if her memories had something to do with physical strength, before she gave up and shook her head. “No.”

“Your memory will come back eventually. Dr. Smith is coming in to check your head for any internal injuries, and they say he’s pretty good.” Ymir tried to reassure her, but it was hard to reassure someone of something that might not ever happen. The poor woman could wonder around her whole life and never know who she was before now.

“I’m just so sick of everybody calling me Jane Doe, or Jane, or ‘her’.... I just need my name... That’s all.”

“How about you pick out a name. Something we can call you other than Jane Doe.” Ymir suggested. “Any name. The first one that comes to your mind.”

Ymir watched as she looked up to the roof and back down to rug placed over her legs. Suddenly, her face lit up, and her eyes met Ymir’s with stern determination. “Christa. I want to be Christa.”

“Christa it is then.”

\---

“What?”

“What?” Levi answered, closing the door behind him and carefully locking it. Eld was in front him, close enough to see every line on his worried face, but not close enough to feel his warmth.

“You’re hesitating,” Eld said simply. “Usually you just tell me if you’re not in the mood.”

“I’m in the mood,” Levi insisted. It wasn’t a lie; he was very much in the mood. He hadn’t had sex in about a month, and was still wound up by Erwin’s kissing the other day. 

He was definitely in the mood. 

“Okay then,” Eld muttered, stepping forward. “Kiss me.”

Kissing Eld had never been a dreadful, and he was by no means bad at it. It was nice, although he could probably do without it.

Levi leaned up, placed his hands on either side of Eld’s face and pressed their lips together firmly. It was normal and safe, but impersonal. To Levi, there was nothing romantic about it. There wasn't any passion or fire or even lust. 

Feeling brave, Levi went to take off Eld's coat. 

But suddenly - as if Eld had other plans - he moved forward, backing him into the door and pinning him against it.

Suddenly, everything was stifling and suffocating. This body against him didn’t feel right. It felt like he was lost, like he was in danger, and like he was doing something very, very wrong. As Eld's tongue circled his lips, he felt the muscles in his chest constrict, leaving him without air. 

He was in the mood for sex, just not like this.

“I’m sorry,” Levi said, pushing Eld away softly. He turned towards the door so he didn’t have to see any more of the man. “I can’t do this.”

Before he could register any other movement, any other sound, he quickly opened the door and scrambled out, pacing down the hallway to his patient’s room. Running away from messes were Levi's forte after all.

\---

“Oi Levi!” Petra called as she entered his patient’s room, startling him out of whatever trance he was in. “How’d it go?”

Levi glanced at the patient’s breathing machine, pretending he was searching for something important. “The patient? Fine.”

“No, silly. _Eld._ ”

“Oh,” Levi sighed. “It didn’t happen.”

“What? Why?”

Levi looked around, making sure that nobody was around to overhear. He glanced at the patient, just to double check he was unconscious. “I freaked out and couldn’t breathe. It was like some sort of mild panic attack... I don’t know. I haven't experienced anything like that.” 

“Are you okay?” Petra asked, her hand softly rubbing Levi’s shoulder.

Yes, his best friend could be annoying sometimes. And yes, she might interfere with his personal life a bit too much. But she was highly intuitive when it came to his mood. She knew when to back off, to be serious, and to give him comfort. 

Levi reached up to clutch at Petra’s hand, calming at the support it provided. “I don’t know.”

“Oh Levi,” Petra sighed, softly turning him around and pulling him into a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I don’t understand,” Levi said, soft and vulnerable against Petra’s neck. 

“You like Erwin.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.” 

Levi huffed, but he knew that Petra’s words were at least partially true. There was no way he didn’t feel _something_. With the way he acted around Erwin, and the way he had just acted with Eld, it painfully obvious. He may be inept with emotions, but he knew that much.

The machines surrounding them suddenly lurched into motion, beeping intensely. Something was going wrong.

Petra took one glance at the machines. “He’s in cardiac arrest.”

Levi took a second to take a deep breath, before holding his head high. He pressed the button alerting staff to an emergency, and continued to follow the protocol. He could do this. 

But it was a downhill slope. As the machine beeped quicker, the patient was only brought closer to his death. They pumped his blood with medicine and sent electric shocks through his heart in a desperate attempt to bring him back, but it was useless.

Once the machines settled into their final beep - flatlining indefinitely - Levi stepped away from the patient. “Time of death… 4:16.” 

It was such a defeating phrase. 

Not only was Shadis going to yell at him for letting his patient die, but now a family would be ruined forever.

\---

“I’m sorry sir,” Levi said, head bowed. “I did everything I could.”

Shadis mused, thumb on chin. “Were you on the ward for the entire day?”

“Yes.”

“And you were checking his status every hour?”

“Yes.”

“Then it’s a job well done, Ackerman.”

“But the patient died, sir,” Levi said, slightly dumbfounded that the man was so relaxed. He had all but threatened him to keep this patient alive, and now he was congratulating him. 

“Of course the patient died, he was circling the drain. You knew it too, but you were so focused on trying to keep him alive to please me that you gave yourself hope that he would survive anyway.”

And then, Levi had his lightbulb moment. “This was a test.”

“Treat every patient like they have a 100% survival rate. If you don’t, there are mistakes just waiting to happen.” Shadis explained. And it was true; if there was even the slightest chance that the patient could have been saved, he would have found it, but only because of his diligence.

Levi nodded and turned to leave, before Shadis’ voice stopped him one last time.

“Don’t ever lose sight of your humanity, Ackerman. It's one of the best attributes a doctor can have. ”

\---

“What’s this?” Levi asked when he walked into his room, dead tired. He wanted to feel his sheets on his skin and his pillow under his head. But instead, his skin tight black jeans and navy blue V-neck sweater were laid out on his bed.

“Your outfit for tonight,” Petra said.

“No.”

“Levi, hear me out.” 

“Okay, fine. You have a minute.”

“You lost a patient and had a hard day.” Petra thrust a bottle of vodka into his hands. “Take a drink.”

Levi popped the cap and took a swig. The familiar liquid burnt its way down his throat and warmed his belly. That had to be his favourite thing about spirits; not the quick inebriation they provided, but the warmth you felt after drinking. 

“Better?” Petra asked. Levi nodded, wondering where she was going with this. “I’ve got another bottle downstairs. We’ll take it to this… ‘housewarming party’. We’ll drink, get drunk, probably yell at some interns. And maybe, if you want to, you can talk to Erwin.”

There wasn’t any ambiguity. He was going to run into Erwin, and he was inevitably going to have to talk to him properly. It was better to do it in an informal setting with alcohol running through his veins than at the hospital. 

And at this point, Levi was never going to win in an argument against Petra. 

Levi nodded along to her word and Petra squealed in excitement, leaving Levi to wonder why she was so desperate to go to this part. Maybe she was horny herself. 

“You get dressed, and I’ll call a taxi.”

“Wait." Levi took back the vodka bottle and had another swig. “Okay, I’m good to go.”

He was going to do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next time for Erwin's "housewarming party". It's going to be my favourite chapter so far ;)
> 
> Find me @levierwins on tumblr or twitter. Feedback is loved and appreciated.


	10. Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has actually turned into my lighthearted, fluffy and comedic fic. I wonder how long that's going to last...
> 
> I had a blast writing this chapter, so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. Thanks, as always, to my beta Evan (writerjesus/queerbadass). You da best.

As soon as Levi saw his former brigade of interns - Eren, Armin, Jean and Marco - clumped in a group outside the house Erwin had claimed for his housewarming party, he took another swig from the vodka bottle for good measure.

"I'm cutting you off," Petra said, confiscating the bottle by snatching it away. "It won't be fun if you're puking your guts out."

"I'm not drunk enough for this shit," Levi grumbled, just as Eren's eyes landed on him and lit up in recognition. 

"Hey, Dr. Ackerman!" He yelled, before turning back to Jean. "I told you he'd come."

“Fuck you too!” Jean all but screamed, staggering around in the background. The man was beyond help, the alcohol had clearly taken him astray more than anybody else.

"Jaeger," Levi acknowledged with a slight nod. “And everybody else.”

"How come you call him Jaeger, and yet you call the rest of us silly names?" Jean asked when he finally managed to make his way over to them. Levi rolled his eyes. He didn't think he'd ever heard a grown man act so petty, and he was friends with _Oluo_. 

But Jean also had a very a good point. Levi didn't know why, but he felt some sort of fondness for Eren. Perhaps being impaled by a train pole had bonded them, or perhaps Levi was just really thrilled that he would have one less intern to deal with when Eren eventually left. 

"That's not true. He called me by my name the other day at the train crash, and he hasn't called me Banana since.” Armin pointed out. 

Well, that just ruined any hypothesis Levi had on matter. 

While he did give every intern group silly nicknames each year, he always eventually dropped those nicknames to start treating them like equals once they had earned their place. But he hadn't ever dropped their nicknames this early in the year before. Maybe he was going soft.

"Fuck it, you idiots are so annoying." Levi groaned. "From now on you're going to be known by numbers." He pointed at Eren. "One." He pointed at Armin. "Two." He pointed at Jean. "Three." He pointed at Marco. "Four... And Ymir, wherever the fuck she is, will be five."

The interns stared at him stunned, while Petra let out a cackling laugh beside him. "You school them like children, Levi."

"That's because they act like children... Except for Two - maybe - but even then, he's a child by association."

Eventually, Jean raised his hand. "How come Eren gets to be One and I have to be Four?"

Petra laughed again. "Holy fuck, they _do_ act like children!"

"Hey, hey," Levi said, holding out his arm as if to block Petra from getting to his interns. "They may be children, but they're _my_ children. Only _I_ get to insult them."

Petra laughed like a maniac while the interns stared at them stunned. They awkwardly walked away after that, with Levi realising just how much the alcohol had kicked in. He was struggling to walk naturally and his lack of filter was making him say socially unacceptable things. 

Fuck, he really needed to drink some water. 

"He's so drunk," Armin murmured. 

"Totally drunk," Marco agreed.

"I can fucking hear you!" Levi yelled, not even bothering to turn around. He could feel their fear from several meters away.

\---

"And then I said 'go and clean the bedpan' and get this - he did!" Oluo roared. His poor attempt at hospital humour was not going over well.

Between the crowded house, poor music and shitty food, Levi would say this party blew. 

"You're literally the only person laughing Oluo," Petra pointed out, completely uninterested in his joke. Well, everybody was uninterested in his jokes, but at least they didn't say it out loud. 

"Levi," Erwin's voice said from behind him. Levi bit his lip to keep a surprised noise inside of his mouth. He slowly turned around to see Erwin in a black button up shirt, with the top two buttons undone like a freaking sex God. Wearing a simple black shirt like that should be illegal. 

Levi could feel the heat burn at his cheeks.

Erwin coughed. "I mean, _Dr. Ackerman._ I didn't think I'd see you here."

"This one dragged me," Levi muttered, pointing a thumb towards Petra. He could feel the eyes of his peers trained on him, tearing through his clothes and burning into his skin. 

There was no way they wouldn't suspect something was going on after this. 

"Anyway, nice to see you." Levi said firmly, indefinitely ending the conversation, with only the slightest smile on his lips. Hopefully, Erwin would take that as a sign.

"I hope you have a good night," Erwin replied, before walking off. He couldn't get a good read on the man, but knowing Levi's luck, he probably didn't get the hint. 

Levi dragged out his phone.

 _Meet me in the kitchen,_ he typed, before sending it off to Erwin. 

"Well that was weird," Oluo remarked. "I reckon he's got a thing for you. He’s always talking to you, always looking for you. It’s almost creepy."

Petra gasped in fake manner, before adding sarcastically, "That's the most intelligent thing you've said all year."

Oluo visibly blushed, unable to throw out a good retort, simply shrugging and busying himself with his cup. His crush on Petra was so tragic, and Petra was too tipsy to realise she was probably hurting his feelings. 

"What? Did you bite your tongue again?"

While Eld, who was usually the peacekeeper in their group, was silent and staring at the door. Levi felt like there was something going on there, but he didn't have time to question it, only hoping it had nothing to do with him.

But knowing Levi's luck...

"Petra, I'm going to go get a glass of water, okay?"

"Party pooper," she mumbled, before winking. "Have fun with Mr. Neurosurgeon."

Levi rolled his eyes, keeping up the facade of nonchalance. "I'll be right back."

\---

“Why the sad face, Eld?” Petra asked after Levi had left. Now that the main goal of the night had been completed, it was time to have some fun.

First of all, she needed a partner in crime. No way was she going listen to Oluo for the rest of the night, so that left Eld, who was seemingly not having a very good time.

“I’m not sad,” Eld said quickly. 

“You’re so sad,” Petra scoffed, before standing up and hooking her arm around his shoulder. “But don’t worry, I’m going to make you feel better.”

“I’m not into girls.”

Petra paused and frowned, deeply disturbed by the implication. “That's _not_ what I was talking about.”

“Then what are you talking about?” Eld asked, clearly irritated. 

Petra scanned the room quickly, humming as her eyes encountered various hospital staff. Some she people knew, some people she didn’t. And then her eyes landed on one particular person, and she squealed.

“Perfect!” She exclaimed, dragging Eld away. “Come with me.”

“What- Petra, why are we-” 

“Gunther,” Petra said, tapping him on the shoulder. “Hi!”

“Petra.” Gunther turned around, his eyebrows burrowed into a frown, clearly confused as to why Petra would be approaching him. “Hi..?”

“So how’s life?” Petra asked, trying to dissipate the awkwardness. It had been a while since they had last talked. 

“Uh, good, I guess.”

“That’s good!” Petra noticed a man standing beside him. He was fairly tall, with long shaggy hair that looked like it never got washed. Petra hated that. 

“And who is this?” She asked, subtly pointing to his friend.

“This is Dieter. He’s a radiologist.”

 _Oh shit,_ Petra thought, _I wasn’t planning on him having a boyfriend. Damn it, why am I so bad at matchmaking?_

“You two make a nice couple.”

Dieter spat out his drink and started laughing, Gunther shook his head. 

“Oh, we’re not together,” Gunther assured. 

“I’m straight,” Dieter said firmly, as if it was important knowledge. He was looking Petra up and down, sizing her up. Usually Petra would be annoyed at guys randomly checking her out. She had no patience for douchebags. But in this case, it was exactly what she wanted. 

_He’s not the best looking, but for a party like this, he's the best I'm gonna get._

“Oh, Gunther - have you met Eld?”

\---

“You’re wasted, Eren.”

“I’m not wasted. You’re the one that’s wasted, Ar _meen_.”

“I don’t drink.”

“Oh,” Eren sighed, thoroughly and honestly confused. “You know who else doesn’t drink? My fucking sister. What a lame ass. Are you my sister, Ar _meen_? I think you’d make a good sister...”

Armin rolled his eyes, not even bothering to correct Eren. “From what you've told me, your sister is very smart. You probably shouldn’t insult her.”

“Nah, she’s so… _dumb_. She left me here all alone while she went off to her fancy hospital of hell.” Eren pouted. “I should ring her!”

“Ah no,” Armin said, taking Eren’s phone out of his hand. “No drunk dialing for you.”

“But _Armeen_. Stop hating on my style.” 

This was a disaster, and one that was only going to get worse very, very soon. Although Eren would never admit it out loud, he was probably five minutes away from vomiting all over himself. “C’mon, Eren. I think we should go to the bathroom.”

“ _Why,_ ” Eren moaned.

“I heard that there were some peanut butter cups in there.” A total lie, but he knew how much Eren loved peanut butter cups, and he was way too wasted to actually realise the twisted logic 

Eren’s face lit up. He automatically bounded forward to leave, but fell flat on his face instead. He didn’t even try to get up; just simply twitched in pain on the floor.

“Ouchie.”

Armin sighed. It was going to be a long night. 

“Hey, Armin! Have you seen Jean?” Marco asked after quickly running into the room.

“No.”

“Damn it.”

“Hey, do you think you could help me with Eren-” But Marco had already left before he could finish his question.

Armin sighed again. “C’mon, you big oaf. Time to go find those peanut butter cups.”

\---

Levi fiddled with his glass, filling it up with water and taking small sips from it. Slowly, the buzz of alcohol was wore away, leaving him with a heavy sense of defeat.

Erwin wasn't going to come. 

Sighing, Levi ditched the rest of his water. It was no use, it seemed. When it came to Erwin, nothing went the way he planned. Erwin was like the perfect storm he never wanted; beautiful, yet totally and utterly unpredictable. 

Levi turned around to make his way back to Petra, and found himself moving head first into a solid wall of human mass. "What the fuck..."

"I'm sorry," Erwin's voice said from above him. "I couldn't hear my phone ring over the noise."

Levi strained his neck up in order to see Erwin's face. "Why the fuck are you so tall?"

"Why are you so short?"

He made a good point. 

As Levi stepped back, he was also backing himself into the kitchen counter, and it really showed just how little space was between their two bodies. They were within possible kissing distance, and it made Levi's blood race more than he wanted it to. 

And everybody could see. 

Heat rose to Levi cheeks, and he looked away from Erwin as if he was disinterested. "Is there anywhere we can go... and talk privately?"

Erwin gave a short nod and beckoned away from the kitchen. "I know a place."

Levi breathed a sigh of relief, happy to get away from the crowded kitchen and away from prying eyes. Levi felt even better as Erwin lead him outside, the fresh air clearing his senses. 

"I was kind of afraid I had done something wrong when you refused to talk to me earlier." Erwin admitted, smiling with that ridiculous smile of his. 

"Ah, sorry. I just didn't want the others to... realise."

"I understand."

Levi noticed a bottle of wine and two glasses in Erwin's hand, which held out to him. 

"If you wouldn't mind holding these for a second," Erwin said, handing them over. 

In the background, two people who Levi vaguely recognised as interns - someone named Braun and his really tall friend - were rolling around on the grass like baboons. He had half a mind to march up to them and tell them that drugs are bad, and they shouldn't be throwing their lives away, but he restrained himself. Not his interns, not his problem. 

"Follow me," Erwin called out to him, beckoning him with his hand. He led him around the side of the house and motioned him to a ladder propped up and keading to the roof. 

At this point, Levi was skeptical. A conveniently placed ladder leading to the roof was pretty out there. What if Erwin was leading him to some sort of room where he was going to murder him and sell his organs? 

But he told himself to stop behind ridiculous. 

"Erwin," Levi said as he climbed up the rickety ladder. "Why are you taking me up here?" 

"Afraid of heights?"

"No."

"Then come sit." Erwin threw out the rug and set down the pillows. Where was he getting these things from anyway? Thin air? His neverending asshole? "And turn around."

Levi did as he was told, thinking that maybe Erwin was more serial killer than he thought. But as he turned around to view what Erwin was looking at, his breath was taken away. "Wow."

It was an incredible view of the Shiganshina city lights. They looked like gorgeous little fairy lights strung up on ghostly buildings, shimmering with incredible intensity. Behind them, he could see a darkened outline of the forestry that laid outside the city, a place pure and untouched by civilisation. Levi always felt an affinity for wild and open spaces, especially the very vast forest on the outskirts of Shiganshina, but he never had the courage to camp out there either. I mean, really, think about all the dirt that would get under his nails. 

But right now, the city, in its own right, was just as beautiful. 

"Good view, right?" Erwin popped the cork of the wine bottle and indulged in a glass. "I saw it when I was stringing up lights this afternoon and thought it would look breathtaking at night. Looks like I was right."

It was a beautiful setting, and a beautiful gesture on Erwin's part to bring him up here, but it left Levi confused. He couldn't tell if Erwin was trying to romance him or let him down gently. Erwin was still an enigma, and someone who guarded his emotions extremely well. He couldn't understand anything by analysing his expression or tone or body language. 

Sometimes, Levi thought that Erwin was more of a blank slate than himself.

"Erwin?"

"Yes?"

"What do you want from me?" Levi asked, turning away from the bright lights. "You're pretending like the other day didn't happen... and I don't quite understand what you want here."

Erwin didn't move, his eyes still fixated on the bright city lights. Levi wondered if his approach was too blunt, but Erwin eventually hummed and looked at him. "I want you."

"You... want me?"

"I do," Erwin murmured, the admission seemingly softening him. "I want you so much that it hurts."

 _But... Why would he want_ me? _He could have anybody he wanted, and yet he chooses to want the one person who won't let him in._

Levi left his personal questions at bay, and chose to ignore his emotions as well, going for a more logical approach. "You can't have me."

"Because you 'don't do relationships'. Yeah, I know." There was now a sad tone to Erwin's words, and Levi hated it. 

He had hurt him. He was a monster.

"Look, Erwin, I-"

"It's okay Levi, I get it-"

"Let me finish," Levi said quickly, cutting Erwin off. "It's not just my personal preferences stopping us. It's our jobs too, you know that right?"

"But I'm not your Attending, Levi." Erwin suddenly came to life, inching closer to him in order to explain. "It's kind of embarrassing, but I looked it up. A relationship between us is perfectly legal, and 100% within hospital rules. You're a fourth year who isn't interested in my specialty - and even if you were, there are two other Neurosurgery Attendings at the hospital that could oversee your training. All we have to do is go down the HR, tell them we're in a relationship, and sign a few papers that say you can't work under me. It can happen. It's been done before. _It can happen._ "

Levi sucked in a deep breath. "But you're the Chief of a whole department. You’re my boss, even if you don't want to be. There's no way of getting around it. It's wrong, and everybody will know."

"I understand. You're still worried about how everybody will perceive us."

"I have a right to, don't I? I could be humiliated."

"You do. Your point is extremely valid." Erwin seemed to relax, taking another sip of his wine. "It's a point I would probably advocate for myself, but I stopped caring about what people thought of me a long time ago. My personal life doesn't impact my ability to do my job."

"But you're an Attending, and an established and credible one at that. I'm still a Resident. Everything I do in my personal life impacts my ability to do my job."

"I know."

There was silence as they both stared out at the city lights, letting their words settle into the air. It seemed like Erwin had known it was impossible, and yet had let himself hope for a chance anyway. Levi only wished he could allow himself to believe in some of that hope. From his experience, hope only lead to despair.

Suddenly, Erwin turned back to him. "Levi, if there was no unequal power dynamic between us - if we were ordinary, and didn't cut people open for a living - would you go out on a date with me?"

Levi had gone out on dates with many people, but none of them made him as excited as the thought of a date with Erwin. 

The word fell from his lips, "Yes."

"So you like me?" 

"Yes." 

"Then how about we pretend for one night. Just tonight. We can pretend there's no party going on downstairs. I'm a lawyer and you're a vet. We met at the supermarket."

"Ew." Levi balked at the idea. "Why can't I be the lawyer?"

“You have a problem with being a vet, but not a problem with meeting at the supermarket?” 

"Being a lawyer is better than a vet... Jesus." There was no way Levi was ever going to shove his hand up some animal’s butt. 

"But Lawyers are terrible people, and you're not a terrible person."

"Vets are dirty."

" _Fine then,_ " Erwin sighed. "You're the lawyer, I'm the vet."

"Thank you." 

"Where was I?" Erwin scowled. "You've ruined my fantasy!"

"You're the one who thought I could be a vet."

"Even as a fantasy, we can't do anything right. We're hopeless."

"And fucked up."

Erwin looked at Levi, a simple look, but one of clear infatuation. Before, it was subtle. Single seconds or glances of an expression that looked like some sort of affection. But now, Erwin wasn't trying to hide his feelings. He wanted Levi to know exactly how he felt. 

"That doesn't mean we can't still pretend," Erwin murmured. 

Suddenly, Levi felt _really_ hot - and not the sticky, humid hot you felt in summer - but the kind of hot that left you throbbing and weak at the knees. Their faces were meters apart, and yet it felt like they were seconds away from kissing.

As if sensing that the tension was too much, Erwin moved to magically procure the other wine glass. “Would you like a drink?” 

“Sure,” Levi replied. He should probably drink more water, but fuck it. This might be the only chance he had to drink wine with Erwin. 

Levi took the glass and thanked him, taking a small sip. He has never really been a wine drinker, but he couldn’t deny that a nice glass of red wine was really fucking sexy. The image of Erwin in a button up black shirt, laid back and drinking a glass of red wine would not leave him any time soon.

"Whose house is this anyway? You don't live here, do you?" Levi asked, distracting himself. 

"No, I live about two blocks that way.” Erwin said, pointing. "This is Nile's house."

Levi almost choked on his wine. “Nile... As in, _Dr. Nile Dok_ , the plastic surgeon?"

"We're old friends."

“Oh, I have to know this story.” Somehow, the idea of his beautiful and charismatic Erwin being associated with the slimy mustache man Nile was inconceivable. “You and Dok being friends, I can't see it."

"And why's that?"

"You're nice and charming; he has a stick up his butt."

Erwin pouted like he was upset at Levi's words, but his smile gave his true feelings away. "Our differences in personality don't mean we can't be friends."

"I still can't see it. You're too different."

"We went to med school and did Residency together in Sina. I guess you could say we were both different people back then, but we're still friends."

"Oh." Levi said, before he stopped every train of thought and focused on the epiphany of a lifetime. _Holy shit balls and fuck nuggets_. "Wait- you two were totally a thing, weren't you?"

Erwin spluttered with a disgusted look on his face. "Ah, no. Nile's straight."

"Oh," Levi huffed. Thank fuck for that, otherwise shit could have gotten super awkward. "So why did he move away?"

Erwin shrugged. "He got offered the Chief of Plastic Surgery position, I guess. I never really asked him. He didn't have anything tying him down, and I guess he just really wanted that job."

Levi found it odd that Erwin never asked him why. Levi shared everything with Petra, in a heartbeat. 

"Okay, fair enough. One more question - why a party? And a _housewarming_ party at that?"

"He has it in his head that I'm not making friends here - which is both true and untrue - so he wanted me to throw a housewarming party. I honestly had no choice in the matter. Sometimes, with Nile, it's just easier to let him have his way than to argue." Erwin said wistfully. "Anyway, half my house is still in unopened boxes, so of course that wasn't ideal for a party. Hence, why we are here instead of at my actual house."

Levi hummed, sensing even more of a rift between the two men, but ultimately deciding not to question it. He had done enough questioning. 

"Ask _me_ a question."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because that's what people do on dates, right? Ask questions and shit. I've asked an awful lot of you, so you should ask something about me."

Erwin stroked his chin like an old man, as if he was thinking of the world's most thought provoking question in the world. "Okay. What's your favourite colour?"

Levi was stunned. 

"What the- fucking- oh my god, _my favourite colour_? That's the best you could come up with?"

"It's a valid question!"

"Holy shit, you're a terrible date."

"That's a lie and you know it."

Levi desperately tried to contain his smile. _Play it cool, play it cool._ "There's no lie. I don't lie."

"You're trying really hard not to laugh, aren't you?"

"Am not!"

"Lie."

"I hate you."

"Another lie."

"Fuck you!"

Erwin smirked wickedly, leaning forward into Levi's personal space, the closest he'd been all night. "You wish," he whispered, voice deep and alluring. 

Levi's heart almost exploded. 

_Keep it in your pants, Ackerman. Keep it in your motherfucking pants._

Erwin winked. "Just kidding."

Levi groaned frustratedly, before swatting the man on the shoulder. He would have smacked him in the face, but he didn’t want to ruin his timeless beauty. "Now I _really_ hate you, you asshole."

"Yeah, I guess I deserved that." Erwin took another sip of wine. "Your turn for questions?"

"Fine," Levi grumbled, quickly thinking of the least sexy question he could think of. He needed to bring this fantasy date back to a family friendly rating. "So were you raised here, or in Sina?"

The atmosphere quickly changed, turning from lightheartedness into nervous apprehension. Erwin looked spooked, as if he had seen a ghost. But there was nothing out of the ordinary with Levi's question. 

"Here."

"Am I treading on thin ice?" Levi asked nervously. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Erwin. 

"Sort of.”

“I’m sorry-”

“My father died when I was ten,” Erwin confessed, his hands wringing together in his lap. “Ever since then I’ve been trying my hardest to escape it. Moving to Sina was part of that, but… I left my sister behind in the process. Left her to die.”

The words were so dark, Levi had trouble believing they came from somebody that embodied as much light as Erwin.

“Hey,” Levi said softly, reaching out for Erwin’s arm, desperate to give some sort of comfort. “She’s not dead right now is she?”

“No.”

“Then don’t blame yourself.”

Erwin scoffed, shaking his head. “How can I not?”

“You don’t seem like the type of person to leave a person to die,” Levi explained. “And even so… you have a right to do what you want.”

“Right,” Erwin muttered. Levi could feel him close up and retreat, unwilling to speak more. So he moved across, and leant against him, his head slotting into his shoulder nicely. 

He could feel Erwin tense beside him, but he payed no mind to it. 

“Your shoulder is a comfy pillow.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” Levi murmured, breath starting to mist up in the cold night air. “I like it a lot.”

_I like you a lot._

"Let's talk about something else," Erwin said suddenly, his mood seemingly returning back to its usual state.

"Like what?"

"Your hobbies. You look like a stamp collector to me."

"Fuck you."

"Been there, done that."

“You are cruel." Although Levi smiled slightly at the idea. 

“I've thought of a good question for you, actually..."

Levi wasn't sure if he should be excited or scared, so he took another sip of wine just in case. "Shoot."

"Why did you sleep with me that night?"

That was a… loaded question, and one that Levi didn’t really know the answer to. He had never focused on their initial meeting, and had only really focused on the repercussions afterwards. 

"Honestly, I can't remember much from that night. I was really drunk, as you probably already knew, and wanted to get laid. You were really hot and really charming. Nothing else to really say." 

"Do you still feel that attraction for me?"

Levi's inner voice was shouting at him. _Now’s the time to let it out and tell him just how much you want him. This is why you came to the party, Levi. Don’t back out now, just do it._

“Of course." Levi forced the words from his mouth, even while his heart beat furiously against his chest. “If not more. And it can get frustrating, because I've never really felt this way towards anyone. It’s hard for me to understand."

"You like me," Erwin teased. 

Levi gave Erwin’s chest a small smack. "Shut up." 

"You do. You like me."

"And? Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes, it very well is.”

Erwin turned his head towards Levi, and Levi, not wanting to be impolite, turned his head to meet him. He met Erwin’s eyes, and he was reminded of the day he found out Erwin was his boss. There was so much staring, and so many frustration and misconceptions. 

"Again, with the staring. It's driving me insane."

"I want to kiss you, Levi"

"Then kiss me."

It was wrong. If they were going to do this, they should do it right. They should go down to HR, declare themselves as a couple, and let the angst settle. They would be free to do as they pleased, without major consequences. 

But he wanted to feel Erwin’s lips again, and he wanted it badly enough that he would risk it all just for the thrill. 

"I don't want to ruin the fantasy,” Erwin muttered, hand grazing Levi’s shoulder. “As soon as I kiss you, we're making this thing a reality."

"Do it. I want the reality."

"No you don't. The wine has gone to your brain."

"No it hasn't. I've had two sips."

"The sexual tension is clouding your judgement, then."

Levi scowled, turning away from the man and the moment. "Fine then, don't kiss me."

"Fine then."

Levi looked at Erwin out of the corner of his eye to find that the man still staring at him, obviously trying to read him and his emotions. 

And then Erwin reached out, arms encircling Levi’s body in the last thing he expected; a hug. 

It was weird, at first, mostly because Levi was used to hugs from Petra, a woman the same size and height as him. But Erwin was not Petra, and his hugs reflected that. There was so much body, and so much warmth. Levi thought he could get lost in it. 

He had never cuddled with any of his past boyfriends, and he realised now that perhaps a simple hug much more intimate than a kiss could ever be. 

Levi unconsciously turned his head and nuzzled into Erwin’s chest. Somehow, Erwin’s fingers start carding through Levi’s hair, with his nails scraping against his scalp every now and then. And _oh_ , how Levi liked that. He would be begging Petra to play with his hair and scrape his scalp more often after this. 

"Will you come home with me, Levi?" Erwin asked from above him.

"What?"

"I like holding you like this, but it's cold and it's getting late. Perhaps we could move this cuddle - of strict platonic nature - to my bed?"

Levi weighed up his options. Leave Erwin’s arms, and face his own bed alone, or go to Erwin’s house, a place he had never been, and sleep in his bed, with Erwin and his very warm arms.

It didn't seem like much of a decision. 

"Okay."

"Really?" 

"Yeah, you ass. I want your stupid platonic cuddles in all their gay glory."

"I'm bisexual."

"In all their bisexual glory then."

Levi felt something brush his forehead. At first he thought it was the swipe a sleeve, or another accidental touch, but as he looked up, he saw Erwin and his lips planted firmly on his forehead. 

"Hey! You said no kissing,” Levi said, reluctantly standing up. It was suddenly freezing without Erwin’s arms around him, the cold air finally catching up to him. 

"Oops. I can break my own rules from time to time."

Levi shivered. “You ass."

They climbed down from the roof of Nile’s house and made their way inside, happy to see that most of the party go-ers had dispersed, with a few drunk stragglers still hanging around. 

_Good,_ Levi thought. _It means I can do this._

He nudged his way under Erwin’s arm with no explanation. He waited for rejection, but it didn't come. Silently, Erwin wrapped an arm around Levi’s shoulder, bringing him closer to his body. 

They slotted together like it was natural. Like they were meant to be that way.

“Erwin,” a voice said behind them, breaking Levi’s inner bliss. As Erwin turn them both around, Levi's eyes land on a slightly disgruntled looking Nile. “What are you doing?”

Nile’s eyes land on him in disgust, and Levi had absolutely no doubt that Nile was judging him. Judging them. 

Surprisingly, Erwin’s hold on Levi tightened. “I’m taking Levi home.”

“I’m sure he can make his own way back home.”

Levi bit at his lip, unsure of what to do. He felt like this was a conversation he wasn’t supposed to listen to. It felt like they weren't just talking about him, they were talking about something else. 

“I can wait outside-”

“No, it’s fine,” Erwin said, cutting Levi off. He took his black blazer off from the coat hanger near the front door. “Thank you for everything, Nile. We better get going.”

“Be careful, Erwin-”

“Good night, Nile.” Erwin dismissed him and turned away.

“Well that was weird,” Levi muttered under his breath. He worried about Nile, and whether he would tell anyone, but he squashed those fears down. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Nile can’t seem to mind his own business though. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he won’t say anything.” Erwin let go of Levi for a second, before shaking out his blazer and wrapping it around him.

“What’s this?” Levi questioned, looking down at a blazer that was way too big for him. If he were to actually try putting his arms through the sleeves, he would look like a child playing dress up in his Dad’s work clothes. 

“You looked cold out there.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine,” Erwin said simply. “Let’s go.”

As Erwin opened the door and lead him outside, Levi let the issue drop entirely. The cold didn’t touch Levi's skin, and it felt nice to be cuddled into another man’s clothes. So for that reason, he selfishly took the comfort Erwin had provided him. 

Levi let go of all his fears and doubts, just for the night, and simply indulged in the feeling of being held by another person so intimately. 

_Thank you, Erwin. For everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we move away from this first "arc" of the story, I wanna thank all of you for sticking through this slow build mess of a fic. I especially want to thank new readers who are only just now reading 10 chapters of weird shit. Thank you. To those who take the time to comment, kudos, reblog or message me: an even bigger thank you. 
> 
> As always, if you liked this fic, leave a comment down below! It's much appreciated. Alternatively, you can contact me at @levierwins on both tumblr and twitter. Until next time!


	11. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The delay for this one is due to sickness and orange is the new black lmao

“Is Eren coming in today?” Marco asked as Armin walked into the locker room, pulling him over to their lockers. He had an anxious look on his face, like he had done something wrong. 

“No. Why?” Armin said, flustered by Marco’s sudden and nervous movements. He looked around, but everything seemed ordinary, aside from the people nursing hangovers. “What’s going on?”

“I have something to tell you - but you can’t tell _anyone,_ ” Marco said quickly, looking around for anybody who might be eavesdropping. 

“Yeah, what?” 

“Shhh,” Marco hushed, leaning towards Armin, who was expecting some sort of murderous confession. Instead, he got, “Jean kissed me last night.”

“WHAT?”

“SHHHH,” Marco hushed again, covering Armin’s mouth with his hand. 

Armin wasn't surprised, not really. Jean had been dancing around Marco for a while. He was just surprised by the manner in which it happened. Surely Jean would be more classy?

When Marco was sure Armin wouldn’t blurt out the secret to everyone, he lifted his hand. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“Sorry,” Armin said sheepishly. “But you have to give me details. Did he do it because he was drunk or what? If so, that's a dick move.”

“I don’t know,” Marco said, suddenly dissolving into a puddle of nerves and insecurity. “He kissed me and then he passed out on my couch. We woke up this morning and he hasn’t said anything about it. I don’t think he even remembers.”

Armin laughed, while Marco looked close to crying. “Don’t laugh, this is serious!”

“I’m sorry, but this is so much like high school.” Armin sighed. He was always the relationship fixer in high school, listening to people's love problems while never having any himself. High school never ended, really. “Why don’t you just ask him if he remembers?”

“You don’t just ask someone something like that.”

“Well _yeah_ , you do. How else are you supposed to get stuff done?”

“Okay,” Marco said, leaning into Armin’s ear. “Then why don’t you just ask Eren if he likes you?”

“What?” Armin squeaked, face turning rosey red. “I don’t think of him like that!” 

“ _Sure_ you don’t.”

Armin grew angry. The last thing he wanted was gossip or rumours about him and Eren going around the hospital. He didn't want to become a laughing stock because another guy didn't return his feelings again. 

"Marco. Listen to me _very_ carefully-"

“Arlert and Ymir, you’re with me today,” Petra called out, beckoning them all out of the locker room.

“I. Don't. Like. Eren.” Armin growled to Marco as angrily as he could. He didn’t want to piss off this new Resident, so he scurried away quickly before Marco could reply. 

It was probably for the best. He didn't want Marco making fun of his attempt at being angry. 

As neared his new group for the day, he saw an odd array of people. The Resident he knew was Petra Ral, because Levi was always around her. He knew of Annie, the sullen and dark expression she wore on their first day hadn’t dropped yet. She has already bitched him out of the last nachos at the cafeteria _twice_. Armin knew to stay away. 

The other two interns were males, a shorter and stockier blond man, and a tall and skinny brunet. Armin had seen them around, but they tended to keep to themselves. He had also seen them dancing on each other last night, which was really weird, because the music wasn't very good at all. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, where’s Dr. Ackerman today?” Armin asked when he caught up to Petra. He stood beside the brunet, and he felt like a mushroom next to a big tree.

Petra smiled and shook her head. “He’s out sick.”

“More like out with a hangover," Annie muttered under her breath.

“What was that?” Petra asked, suddenly turning around to stare at Annie. She raised her eyebrows, daring Annie to say something. 

“Nothing,” Annie replied, her expression as cold as steel.

Petra scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, didn’t think so.” 

Armin didn’t know much of Petra Ral, but she definitely wasn’t the sweet women she looked like. She was fierce, and wasn’t afraid to speak her mind.

“I don’t think we’ve properly been introduced,” the blond man said to Armin. “I’m Reiner, this is Bertholdt, and that bitch over there is Annie.”

Armin smiled and held out his hand. Finally, people who would be nice to him. He should have introduced himself earlier. “Nice to meet you, I’m Armin.”

“Enough chit chat,” Petra barked, cutting them off. “We’ve got a lot to get through, now that I have to go through my patients _and_ Dr. Ackerman’s.”

Reiner looked back apologetically, but Armin shrugged. It wasn’t anything he hasn’t heard from Dr. Ackerman’s mouth before. In fact, it was kind of nice to know that every single intern in the hospital was being treated like dirt by their Resident. 

They neared a familiar hospital room, the one of the Jane Doe Ymir had dubbed 'Christa'. Petra turned to Ymir. “I believe this is your patient, yes?”

Ymir nodded. 

“And you requested an MRI last night?”

“Yes.

“Why?”

“Because she was behaving erratic. She started yelling at me out of the blue, and some of the sentences she was stringing together didn’t make sense.”

Petra sighed, shaking her head. “And who denied the request?”

“Dr. Gerber.”

“What a fucking idiot,” Petra mumbled, ripping of a piece of paper from her file and scribbling on it. “That dino needs to retire. Here’s your permission for an MRI, take her up now.”

“Thank you,” Ymir said gratefully. There was something about Ymir, something different, that Armin couldn’t quite pin point. She had dark circles under her eyes and was looking very sullen. Armin knew that she had been on the night shift last night, so maybe she was just extra tired.

"You better hope there's something wrong with her, otherwise it falls back on me." Petra warned. 

"Yes sir."

“Doctors? We have a problem.” A nurse called from the room, while people rushed in quickly. On the bed, Christa was seizing violently.

“Shit,” Petra muttered, before handing off her paperwork to Armin. She was barking off orders in quick succession as the room became more and more cramped. “Somebody get a neurosurgeon down here,” Petra yelled, before grimacing. “And… you should probably call Dr. Smith, get him down here too.”

Through the commotion, Ymir was standing back, her head bowed low. Armin tried to comfort her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”

“I should have done more. I should have forced my way into that MRI room.”

“You’re only doing what you can. It’s not your fault everybody treats us like crap.”

Ymir nodded, seemingly gaining her bearings again. But Armin could still see the pure fear and apprehension in her eyes. She clearly cared, and Armin respected that. Hopefully she wouldn't fall apart if this patient died.

\---

“Hmmph,” Levi groaned, head tumbling from the pillow underneath it. He took a few more groans, before he forced open his eyes to find a bedroom that wasn’t his own. “What the fuck?”

Levi sat up, dazed, looking at his surroundings. This wasn't the first time he has woken up in a bed that isn't his own. 

It wasn’t until his eyes found the black blazer jacket Erwin had lent him last night that he remembered what had happened… and what hadn’t happened. 

They hadn’t had sex. They hadn’t even _kissed_ properly. The last thing Levi remembered was falling asleep as the little spoon to Erwin’s big spoon.

Levi shivered, missing the warmth he had felt, and how nice Erwin’s arms were. Those broad, strong arms were so comforting and refreshing and everything right in the world. On reflex, he grabbed the pillow beside him and clutched it to his chest. 

It was a large bed, and he was currently the only one in it. It was lonely, empty and foreign. If he imagined hard enough, he could feel Erwin’s arms around him again, in a place where everything was perfect and nothing was complicated.

But in the distance, he could hear the clatter of cooking in a kitchen.

“Time to face the music,” Levi muttered, hoping off from the bed to find his sweater on the floor. He pulled it on and did a quick search for his phone.

Levi sighed. No phone. No Petra to come and save him. 

He creeped out of the room and followed the source of the noise. Along the hallway were unpacked moving boxes strewn all over the place. The house was barely furnished and slightly dusty. When he got to the door that supposedly lead to the kitchen, he hovered. 

Taking a deep breath, he turned the handle.

“There you are.” He was greeted with a smiling Erwin, who was holding a spatula in his hand. He was clearly in a very good mood. “I was wondering when you were going to wake. I was thinking I might have to check your pulse or something. But then I decided I better make some food like a good host. So tried pancakes, but they kind of failed. So then I tried something easier like french toast but… I don’t think it’s working very well anyway.”

Levi just stood stunned, unable to comprehend.

Erwin’s face dropped. “Are you okay, Levi?”

“I thought you were gone,” Levi whispered, the words falling from his lips before his could stop them. 

“Huh? But I’m right here?” Erwin asked, like it was obvious. Like he was always there, and he was never going to leave. Like Levi’s baseline reaction of abandonment was the most abnormal thing ever. 

“Sorry, forget it,” Levi said quickly, shaking the thoughts from his head. He walked up to Erwin, surveying the mess of a kitchen that he had created. “This smells good.”

Thankfully, Erwin dropped the subject, his warm smile slowly inching its way back onto his face. “Are you kidding me? It smells like garbage.”

“That’s only because you haven’t cleaned up.”

Levi pointed to the french toast. “Can I try it?”

“If you want to.”

“Tastes fine,” Levi said, quickly scoffing it down. Truthfully, he was so hungry he could eat anything, no matter how it tasted. “It could do with some sugar though. Do you have any chocolate?”

“I might,” Erwin said, turning to his fridge.

“Put it in the microwave and pour it over the french toast. It’ll be fucking fantastic.”

“Are you sure?”

“Just trust me.”

“Okay…”

Erwin put the chocolate in the microwave to melt. He turned to Levi and stared.

“Did you sleep well? Do you have a hangover?” Erwin asked. “I think I have some paracetamol…”

“I’m, fine actually.” On impulse, Levi nervously scratched his head. He wasn’t sure why everything was so awkward, but he guessed it was just the new environment between them. “Must have been all the water I drank.”

The microwave pinged and Erwin went to grab the chocolate. 

“Ouch! Fuck.” Erwin swore as he took the chocolate out of the microwave.

“Idiot,” Levi muttered, grabbing the nearby oven mitts and taking the bowl away from him. “You don’t just take a bowl out of the microwave bare handed.”

“Sorry,” Erwin said sheepishly. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly great in the kitchen.”

“You’re lucky that I am,” Levi said, picking up a spoon and pouring the chocolate onto the toast. Levi had learnt this through necessity. If he didn’t cook, nobody was going to. 

Erwin smirked. “Is that a promise to cook me food sometime?”

“It’s a promise to not murder you for terrible cooking,” Levi scowled. “Here. Try this.” Levi picked up a triangle of toast and brought it up to Erwin’s mouth. 

There were only a few seconds of chewing before Erwin let out a moan. Levi blushed, looking away from Erwin. The last thing he needed to hear was Erwin’s moans. 

“I need more of this in my life,” Erwin said through chewing. 

“It’s just french toast, nothing special” Levi turned to the sink, filling it with water. As the water ran, he started collecting dishes from all over the kitchen. "This place is a mess." 

“You don’t have to do that,” Erwin mumbled into Levi’s ear, arms encircling his waist. 

Levi leant back into Erwin's broad body. “I want to,” Levi whispered. It was silly, but he wanted to clean for Erwin. He wanted to do something nice for him, after all the kindness and warmth he had shown him. He still didn't understand what Erwin was getting out of this whole arrangement.

Erwin hummed. “I could think of other things we could do...”

Levi’s hand curled into Erwin’s hair, fingers just barely scraping his scalp. “I thought you wanted to do this right and sign some papers?”

Erwin breathed deeply into Levi’s neck. “You smell nice.”

“You’re not answering the question.”

“I don’t want to answer the question.”

"Well maybe you should-" 

A chirpy song started playing, erupting from a vibrating phone. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Levi screeched. They were so close.... To be interrupted now, by a phone call, it was pure torture. 

Erwin laughed at Levi's reaction, reaching for his phone. “It’s the hospital.”

Levi watched as Erwin took the call, and he watched as his face dropped into despair. “I’ll be right there.”

Levi knew what kind of call this was. Something had gone very wrong.

“What’s up?”

“There’s an emergent case - a very difficult brain bleed - the current neurosurgeon is out of his depth - I have to go - I’m so sorry, Levi, there's no other way.”

While it was disappointing that their time together was going to be cut short, Levi understood. Saving people’s lives was more important than that, it always would be. He too would often get called into the hospital last minute. 

“It’s okay,” Levi said, helping Erwin gather his things. “Go save a life. I'll wait.”

“Thank you,” Erwin muttered, a nervous hand running through his hair. Levi could tell the pressure was getting to him, and he hoped that this wouldn’t be a bad outcome for the man's own sanity. “Feel free to roam the house. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

“Bye,” Levi sighed softly, watching Erwin rush out the door.

He understood why he was leaving - Levi would do the same - but it didn’t suck any less. He was left in an empty house that he didn’t own or know. He could clean himself up and go to the hospital himself, but he already had a night shift. 

Levi turned to the dishes and gave a sly grin. Cleaning it was.

\---

“What’s going on?” Erwin barked, scrubbing his hands at lightening speed. He could already see the neurosurgeon in front of him start to cut into the patient, a young woman whom he had met the other day.

But that was for retrograde amnesia. This brain bleed was a completely different ballpark. 

“Here are the scans,” Ymir said, holding it up to the light so Erwin could see. 

“Shit,” Erwin swore. He didn’t use distasteful language at work often, but this situation definitely called for it. “I need to get in there _now._ ”

“I’m sorry sir, I tried to get her up to scans as soon as I saw her erratic behaviour but-”

“It’s fine. You did what you could.” Erwin said, drying his hands. They was no changing what had happened. “Even if you had scans last night, this wouldn't have showed up on them. It's almost impossible to catch in time.”

A million thoughts run through Erwin's mind. A million complications, and a million possible outcomes. The majority of them were dire. It was his job to sort through them and make sure he chose the right course of action.

He charged into the Operating Room. 

"What are you doing here Smith?" The attending surgeon asked, offended to see Erwin at all. His name was Dr. Gerber, and he was one of the worst parts of Erwin's job. He was next in line for the Chief of Neurosurgery job, as the most senior neurosurgeon on staff before Erwin came to town. Erwin had basically stolen his job from underneath him, and the man had never said a civil word to him because of it.

Not only that, but the man was not very good at his job.

"I'm here because I'm the Chief of Neurosurgery and this is my patient. Feel free to watch, but I'm taking over now. I suggest you step away before I call security."

Gerber scowled, stepping away. "Good luck killing this patient, she's already gone."

Erwin felt like yelling, but he kept it inside. It was despicable that anybody would give up on a patient, and speak so ill of them when there was still hope. It was marginal, but it was there. Even with his father, who had less hope than this woman does, the neurosurgeons tried everything to save him, up until his very last breath. 

A surgeon never gave up when there was still hope.

He made a mental note to write up a report against Gerber later. 

"That was a bit harsh," Ymir muttered under her breath, taking her position to observe in the microscope. Erwin could tell that she was anxious and scared, possibly way too invested in this case than necessary. 

"It was," Erwin said. "But I'd rather be harsh than kill this woman."

"Please save her," Ymir said softly, a tremble in her voice. "I don't want her to die."

"I'll try my hardest, I promise."

And Erwin didn't make promises lightly.

\---

"How's it going Ymir?" Armin asked, catching Ymir walking down the hallway, still in her operating scrubs.

"I don't know," Ymir replied, voice cracking. "She crashed on the table and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave."

Ymir looked like she was close to crying, but Armin didn't dare try to comfort her physically. Usually, in this situation, he would give the person a hug or pat on the shoulder, but Ymir would most likely bite his arm off at that. And Armin liked his arm a lot. 

"You should lay down for a while. I'll take your patients." Armin offered.

"No, it's fine. I need the distraction of work."

Armin didn't argue. He knew how nerve wracking it was to wait for the outcome of a patient who could easily pass. The only thing you could do was distract yourself with more work. 

He silently followed Ymir to the nurses station to pick up his new patients and check in on his new ones. Armin smiled when he saw his favourite nurse behind the desk. 

"Patient in 204 has stomach pain, and patient in 312 is rowdy so be careful." The nurse informed him, handing over the papers.

"Thank you," Armin said gratefully.

"Oh, and avoid the basement," the nurse added, leaning in to whisper to him. "Something illegal was going on down there, and the cops are swarming the place. I went down to have a look, and it stank of shit. Best to be cautious."

Armin looked around to see several police officers milling in the hallway. Some were heaving into chuck buckets, while others were questioning staff. 

There was something new in this hospital every day. 

"Thanks for the heads up."

"Anything for you Doctor," the nurse replied, winking. 

It was a good thing this nurse didn't know he was gay. Armin enjoyed the special treatment every once and a while.

\---

Levi dropped and turned off the vacuum cleaner as soon as he heard the door knob turn.

"What happened, is your patient okay?" Levi asked, walking up to Erwin tentatively.

Erwin dumped his coat and keys, sighing. "She's going to live, but we have no way of knowing the neurological effect until-"

"She wakes up," Levi said, finishing his sentence. He had heard it so many times before. "I'm sorry."

"I'm optimistic though. She’s a fighter."

Levi smiled wistfully. Erwin knew things about his patients, more than he did. Erwin cared, maybe to his detriment. 

"Are you okay?" Levi reached out to touch Erwin’s arm, with a small squeeze. Levi wasn't sure whether he could take the man into a hug. 

Erwin smiled at the gesture. "I'm fine.”

"I have a shift soon, but... I want to talk about us." 

"Really?"

"Yeah." Levi took a shaky breath, trying to soothe his frayed nerves. He had never quite had a conversation like this, and he had never quite talked about something like this. He had coached himself into this all day - whilst also distracting himself - but it was still scary as hell. 

He had even managed to call Petra on her lunch break.

_"Petra, what do I say? I'm cleaning his whole house top to bottom. I've even got a feather duster. I'm freaking out here." Levi panicked into the phone, pacing quickly._

_"I don't often give good advice Levi, but I'm sure of this," Petra's voice counselled him. "Be honest. Tell him how you really feel. Tell him what you really want. As long as you're honest, the outcome won't be a disaster."_

_"What if he laughs at me?"_

_Petra snorted. "Then you laugh at his eyebrows!"_

Levi took another breath. Petra was right. He had to be honest; with Erwin, and with himself. 

"I want to be with you," Levi said, forcing the words from his mouth. He bit his lip, and studied Erwin's expression. 

Erwin turned to face Levi properly. He seemed... calm. “So you want to be my boyfriend?”

Levi scowled. He had always hated that word, it seemed so juvenile. A 'boyfriend' was your significant other when you were a teenager, not an adult. But 'partner' was too informal, and 'lover' was too sexual. It frustrated Levi that there wasn't another word to express how he felt about Erwin. He wanted to be his boyfriend, his partner and his lover.

"I want to _be_ with you, what more do I have to say?”

“Shh,” Erwin hummed, taking Levi’s hand into his own, entangling their fingers together. “It’s okay. I know what you mean.”

"Thank you," Levi sighed, relieved of the outcome. It was a victory, of sorts, that he had managed the courage to be so vulnerable. And it was a victory that he had chosen a person who understood that, and cared for him. 

“I know this is hard for you. It’s okay if you’re feeling uncomfortable.”

“Why are you so good to me?" Levi bit his lip, hoping that tears wouldn't fall. If he was going to be vulnerable, he might as well follow through and air all of his insecurities. But he didn't want to cry. Not yet. "Why don’t you just kick me out and date somebody else? It would be a lot easier for you.”

“Because you’re special.” Erwin squeezed Levi’s hand, a small gesture of comfort. “And I really, really like you.”

Levi rolled his eyes. It was so sappy, but Levi had never felt more at home, even in a place that he barely knew. It didn’t matter, because as long as he was with Erwin, he felt like anything was possible. 

"I like you too," Levi muttered, leaning into Erwin, taking him into a hug. "But don't tell the interns, it'll ruin my image."

Erwin laughed, the rumble in his chest vibrating against Levi. "I wouldn't dare."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what's in the basement??? :)
> 
> Find me @levierwins on tumblr !!


	12. Commitment

“Are you sure about this?” Erwin asked, glancing over at Levi briefly, before focusing back onto the road. Levi seemed relaxed, for once, and not a nervous thrum of anxious energy. He looked ready.

Erwin still felt like he was in a dream. In the hours that passed after Levi had agreed to be with him, he found himself pinching his skin on multiple occasions, waiting to be woken up from a dream. 

“Are you trying to make me back out?” Levi teased, turning in his seat so he could stare at Erwin. “I finally want this. Don’t question it.”

“Okay.”

But even as they pulled into the hospital, Erwin was still trying to search through Levi’s expressions and actions for any doubt. He couldn't help himself, really, and he fully expected Levi to pull out of this at the last minute.

Instead, Levi leant down to whisper into the black metal of Erwin’s car, stroking the surface softly. “Goodbye, beautiful." 

Erwin looked on, puzzled. “Are you talking to my car?”

“It’s a very beautiful, very expensive car. It deserves respect.”

Erwin decided not to question it, and held out his hand. Levi took it, leaving Erwin's car in the parking lot, their fingers entwining. “If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought you liked me for my car.”

“Psshh, who said we were exclusive? I can date the car _and_ you.”

They laughed, and it felt normal. Levi didn’t necessarily make Erwin happier, because everything was still so new and fresh. In the amount of time they've known each other, they’ve spent barely any time together. And yet, that didn't scare Erwin either.

One person couldn’t make your sadness or troubles disappear, not even Levi. But everything was simpler now. No conflict, no trouble; just the two of them, getting to know one another. 

And he was excited about the idea of spending more time with Levi, taking his time to figure out all of his tiny intricacies, all of the little things that made Levi who he was. They were going to be back to the start, to get to know each other, the way they should have started. 

As the automatic doors to the hospital opened, Erwin glanced at their reflections. They looked nice together, although Levi was so small compared to Erwin. If weren’t for their similar pasty pale skin colour, they were almost complete opposites. 

Levi quickly dropped Erwin’s hand, and Erwin immediately assumed the worst. “Are you okay?” He asked, ready for worst.

“I’m fine,” Levi said, smiling. “But we probably shouldn’t hold hands in the hospital.” 

“Oh yeah, I forgot,” Erwin sighed. They had agreed to keep their relationship on the down low for a while, to avoid hospital gossip. Levi was still reluctant about the public aspect of a relationship, and Erwin would respect his wishes, even if he wanted to shout it out for the world to hear.

“It’s okay.” Levi brushed it off, mood still on a high. Erwin liked seeing this lighter, funnier side of Levi. “We should probably get going.”

They continued to walk down the halls of the hospital, but maintained a fair distance. Unless people were focusing on them specifically, they wouldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. All of the hospital staff they passed seemed to be in deep conversation anyway. Erwin had seen this before. Hospital scandals at Shiganshina weren’t anything new, and they happened quite frequently. But as they kept walking, Erwin started to hear words like ‘arrested’ and ‘experiment’ and ‘poop’. This wasn’t the standard ‘who slept with who’ or ‘who cheated on who with who’ kind of scandal. This sounded... kind of _illegal_. 

Levi turned to him. “Hey Erwin, what’s going on-”

“Dr. Smith? Thank God you’re here,” a man said, interrupting and ignoring Levi to run straight to Erwin. Erwin vaguely noticed him as one of the members of the hospital board, but he’d never formally met him. “Something’s happened, and the board wants to meet with you right now.”

“Have I done something wrong?” Erwin asked. 

The man shook his head vigorously. “No, it’s nothing that you have done. But we can’t talk about it out here, so you’ll have to come with me.”

Erwin’s glanced at Levi briefly. “I have an appointment in ten minutes.”

“That will have to wait.”

Erwin turned towards Levi. He saw a dim, annoyed, face staring back at him. “I’m sorry Dr. Ackerman, we’ll have to have our meeting later.”

After all this planning, and all this time, Erwin felt sick over bailing at the last minute. It was for a good reason, of course, but it was still disheartening. They were so close, and yet still so far.

Levi smiled, but Erwin could tell it was a forced and fake smile, not the kind of smile he blessed Erwin with on rare occasions. “No problem, Dr. Smith. We can postpone.”

“Have a nice day, Dr. Ackerman.”

“You too.”

Erwin bit his lip. He wanted to say so much more before Levi walked away. He wanted to let him how sorry he was, and how much he wanted them to be together. He wanted to tell him he’d miss him, and that he’d be back soon.

But he couldn’t say any of that, and he only watching as Levi walked away. He followed the board member down to the conference room, the one where the hospital board met for decisions. 

“Please, come in,” the man said, opening the door to the room. Erwin stepped in to find a room full of men with suits on. “My name is Alexander, spokesperson for the hospital board. These are the members of the hospital board, plus our lawyers.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Erwin said, nodding. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t know what’s going on. Why have you called me here today?”

“We know this must be confusing. It’s still slightly confusing for us too.” Alexander explained, pushing forward a folder. “Yesterday we found some… illegal activities in the basement of the hospital. Further investigation shows that these activities were conducted by Chief Zackley. You can have a look at some of the pictures, if you want.”

Erwin absorbed the information. It explained all the odd whispering, but he had a hard time understanding what exactly Zackley had done. He opened the file in front of him, and immediately regretted it. He felt like throwing up almost instantly. It was so vile, so _disgusting_ , that he had to shut the file and push it away. 

“Oh God,” Erwin muttered, sick to his stomach. “I don’t think I need to see any more.”

He would never look at a toilet the same way again.

“That’s perfectly understandable, Dr. Smith,” Alexander said. “We feel the same way.”

“So what does… uh... _this_ have to do with me?”

“Well, Zackley has now been fired without notice after his arrest by the police. We’re now left without a Chief of Surgery. We saw that your resume stated you had filled in as Interim Chief at Sina hospital. As the man most qualified for the job, we were wondering if you would be the Interim Chief while we find a suitable and more permanent replacement.”

“Oh.” Erwin sat stunned. Being promoted was the very last thing on his mind when he woke up this morning. “Can I have some time to think about it?”

“We kind of need an answer _right now_ , Doctor. The people are getting restless, and we need a leader to reassure them that everything will keep going on as normal.”

“I- Well, it’s a lot to consider.”

There was so much to consider, frankly. Firstly, there were his patients, most of which would have to be handed to another surgeon because of his new workload. He loved his patients, and not being able to see them through their surgeries was upsetting. Secondly, there was the workings of his department, which would now get handed to Dr. Gerber, the most incompetent man for the job. 

And then there was Levi, the 4th year Resident, who he had planned to start a relationship with, a relationship that would now be a clear conflict of interest. He would have direct control over every aspect of Levi’s career. Erwin wasn’t sure if such a relationship would ever be allowed. 

“Dr. Smith? We need you to sign the papers now.” Alexander said, pushing more paper in front of him. Suddenly, Erwin was staring at a new job contract in front of him. 

“I need to-”

“We need your signature now, Smith.”

Erwin gulped and picked up the pen before him. He didn’t really have a choice, did he? He would be stupid to not sign the papers. This was what every surgeon desired to become eventually. 

But really, all Erwin could think about was how he was signing his and Levi’s death sentence.

\---

“What’s going on?” Petra said, walking up to Levi. A crowd of people were gathering in the lobby of the hospital, outside of the press room.

“I’ve got no fucking idea,” Levi muttered, still straining his neck to see over the crowd of people into the press room. All he could see were men in suits, the same kind of men that had taken Erwin away this morning. “All I know is that I came here with Erwin, and he was pulled away about twenty minutes ago.”

“You don’t think he’s involved in this basement shit, do you?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore,” Levi said honestly. 

Levi held his breath as he waited for the press room door to open. Several men in suits came filing out, and after them walked Erwin, who was now also wearing a suit, and not the surgical scrubs that he came to work with.

The crowd started to get rowdy, with most people calling out for answers.

“Everybody, please, quiet,” Erwin called to the crowd. “I know you must have a lot of questions, but the situation with former Chief of Surgery Darius Zackley is now a police investigation. We can’t say anything other than that.”

The crowd, still demanding further information, while Levi stood stunned, watching as Erwin became an entirely new person to him. Distant and emotionless, it was hard to comprehend that the Erwin who was addressing the crowd was the same lovesick Erwin who had picked him up this morning.

When Erwin had managed to calm everyone down, he continued, “As of today, I am now the Interim Chief of Surgery. Dr. Gerber will take over as Chief of Neurosurgery. I look forward to working with all of you in the weeks to come. I want to stress that everything will function as normal, and this tragedy will not affect the daily operations of this hospital. Thank you.”

Petra looked to Levi for some sort of answer, but Levi couldn’t say anything. He studied Erwin’s face for something, _anything,_ that could give him an idea of why this was happening, but Erwin was a stone cold slate now. Nothing of his usual persona slipped through.

Levi digged out his phone. Surely Erwin would have left him _something,_ he reasoned. But there was only a blank screen staring back at him.

“What is going on, Erwin?” Levi whispered, desperately searching for Erwin, unable to even see him anymore. 

Levi was a little fish, lost in a whole ocean of people. 

“Wait! Levi-”

“Drop it, Petra.” Levi pushed on through the crowd, desperate to get away. The more he talked about it, the more he thought about it. And the more he thought about it, the more he could feel tears prick at his eyes. 

Why the hell did he ever think this could work between them?

“I’m sure there’s an explanation. You have to talk to him before you assume anything.” Petra said, trying to grab onto his arm to stop him again. 

Oh, Levi was going to talk to Erwin. He was going to storm into his office and demand an explanation. He going to hear his side of the story, and then he was going to yell at him. And if Erwin was lucky, Levi would give him the biggest slap in the face he could muster.

\---

Ymir breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Christa sitting upright and awake in her hospital room. After all the drama yesterday with her emergency surgery, it was such a relief.

“Hey,” Ymir said, pulling up a chair next to the bed. It had become a morning ritual to meet and chat before rounds, when they weren’t staying up all night playing card games or board games. “I was worried about you yesterday. How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I feel?” Christa snapped. There were red brims under her eyes, and Ymir knew they weren’t an aftereffect from the surgery. It looked like she had been crying.

“Hey,” Ymir said again, this time softer. She stood up and sat on Christa’s bed. “Why are you upset?”

Christa didn’t answer, content to stare at the hospital wall in front of her. Ymir reached out to touch her hand, but Christa flinched away. “Leave me alone.”

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Leave. Me. Alone.”

Ymir paused, but didn’t move from the bed. She wasn’t good with patient care, to be honest. She wasn’t good with comforting people full stop. But she wasn’t about to give up on this patient, not after all the hell she’s been through.

“I’m not leaving,” Ymir said firmly, this time capturing Christa’s hand. “You can yell and scream and complain to my superiors, but I am not leaving this room until you tell me what’s going on, or a security guard drags me out.”

“I still can’t remember.” Christa shuddered, a small tear leaking down her face, possibly stinging her still red raw burns. “They fucking cut into my head _again,_ and yet I still can’t remember!”

Soon, Christa’s tears turned into sobs, and her sobs turned into wails, and Ymir couldn’t do anything but let the girl cling to her body and weep. Several nurses tried to come in and relieve Ymir of her duty, but she shooed them away. She could handle this. 

“All this - the hospital, the surgeries, the burns, the memory loss - it’s all temporary, Christa. It will all disappear before you even realise it, I promise.” Ymir stroked what was left of Christa’s hair lovingly. After everything Christa’s hair had been through, getting burnt and then having most of it shaved off for surgery, it was still as golden as the sun. “And you know my promises will get fulfilled because they teach us not to make promises to our patients in med school. So, this is some legit shit right here.”

They laid in silence for a while as Christa’s sobs eased. She shuddered one final time, before finally relaxing into Ymir’s hold.

“And just how good were you at med school?”

Ymir smirked. “Top of my fucking class, and you know it.”

\---

Eren sulked into the locker room, hating every second of being back here. He wanted out of this job so badly, but he didn’t dare tell any of the other interns. They just didn’t understand. Their whole entire lives had been dedicated to getting here, while he had simply followed the dream of someone else.

His father is a doctor, and his sister wanted to be a surgeon, so it was only fair that Eren should want to be a surgeon too, right? 

Maybe he should ring Mikasa after all. Eren missed her terribly, and she always gave him good advice growing up... 

“Hey Eren,” Marco said in greeting. “You don’t look too good. Are you sure you don’t need to take more sick days?”

“I’m just tired,” Eren lied, dragging out his name tag and pinning it to his coat. “Still hungover, I guess. What’s on the agenda today?”

“I’m hanging out in paediatrics today. I think you might be in orthopedics with Zacharius.” 

Good. Ortho was easy, and Dr. Zacharius didn’t say much. 

In the corner of the room, Eren noticed Armin and Jean talking together in hushed words. From the expressions on their faces, and the fact that Armin hadn’t come up to him to greet him yet, he could tell it was serious. 

“What’s that about?” Eren asked, pointing to them.

“What- Eren- Shh,” Marco said pulling Eren’s arm down. “Didn’t your mother tell you not to point at people?”

Eren frowned. He’s never seen Marco act that frantic before. Marco was the cool, calm and collected one. “What is going on?”

“Haven’t you heard? Somebody had a poop factory down in the basement.” Ymir said over Eren’s shoulder, inserting herself into the conversation. “Like just… jars and jars of poop.”

And when Eren thought things couldn’t get crazier around here, they did. 

“Ugh,” Marco spat, clearly disturbed. “That’s disgusting, Ymir. 

“I’m only saying what is the truth. _Hey,_ what’s going on over there?” Ymir asked, pointing to Armin and Jean.

“ _Shut up,_ ” Marco hissed, slapping her hand down forcefully. “Stop pointing and mind your own business.”

Marco, clearly frustrated, stormed off in the direction of the bathroom. Ymir cackled as he did, shaking her head. “It never gets old.”

“What does?”

“Horsie and Freckles, sitting in a tree,” Ymir sang. “F-U-C-K-I-N-G”

Eren snorted. Everybody in the hospital knew that Jean and Marco had a thing, but that didn’t explain why Armin was having a private deep and meaningful talk with Jean.

“So why is Armin over there with Jean?”

“He’s probably telling Jean to get his shit together. You know they kissed at the party, right?”

Eren felt a lurch in his chest. There was no way, Armin had been with him all night, and they'd barely _seen_ Jean, let alone have time to kiss him. But still, Eren couldn’t help but ask. “Armin and Jean kissed?”

“No, Jean and _Marco_ kissed. Jesus Eren, keep up.”

“Oh, sorry,” Eren muttered, feeling stupid. 

Ymir rolled her eyes and shook her head. “We better get going loser. The Corporal will bite our heads off.”

Eren bit his lip, choosing to ignore Ymir’s backhanded insult, following her silently. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jean and Armin hugging, and it made him jealous. Armin's hugs were the best. 

Another day spent saving lives, another day Eren felt as though he really didn’t belong here.

\---

Levi rehearsed what he wanted to say to Erwin in his head, every single sentence of it. But it all flew away the minute he set eyes on Erwin, just simply sitting at the desk in his office, eating his lunch like nothing had changed.

And then Levi got mad.

“ _You._ ”

“Levi, I-”

“Shut it.” Levi snapped, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t really care if the door broke. He’d pay for the bill himself. “Why didn’t you come talk to me about this?”

“Levi, it’s-”

“Why didn’t you just explain it to me? I would have understood. My career is everything to me, and I can imagine it means everything to you too. I’m okay with ending this, but you have to _talk to me_ about it.”

“It doesn’t,” Erwin replied, dropping his lunch.

“What?” Levi asked, slightly taken aback by Erwin’s response. He was expecting a much different response, one that contained many excuses and many apologies.

“My career doesn’t mean everything to me,” Erwin explained, standing up and walking over to Levi. “You mean more to me than a stupid promotion.”

Levi shook his head. He couldn’t believe he was hearing this, and yet seeing something completely different in front of him. “Too bad you’ve only realised this after you’ve taken the promotion, you _fucking idiot._ ” 

“Please, Levi,” Erwin said, begging at him to listen. “I didn’t want to take the job. I was going to turn it down.”

“So what changed?” 

“They put the pen in my hands and asked me to sign, so I did. I was weak and a coward.”

Well, that was something new. The Erwin he had met a month ago would never admit to being a coward. He had seen Erwin as the kind of person who would do whatever he wanted to do without regret. He had seen Erwin as a person who would use him, and then trash him. A person who would never admit his faults, and never consider giving up a major promotion. 

But the Erwin he knew now, _his_ Erwin, was not that man. His Erwin was flawed, but he was not prideful. And he cared about Levi, most of all. 

“So…” Levi murmured, steadying himself for the big question. “Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know if there’s anything we can do… I keep thinking it through in my head. The hospital wouldn’t allow us to date, I have too much power.”

“Erwin, _what if they would?_ How would we know?”

Levi didn’t let himself feel hope often, but right now, he felt it. This couldn’t be the end, not yet, not after everything they’ve had to go through to get here. Not after the amount of time Levi spent realising his feelings.

“We’d have to ask Human Resources…”

“Let’s go then,” Levi said, grabbing Erwin’s hand, tugging him towards the door. 

Levi was never a spontaneous person. He had thirty minutes of his lunch break left, and it was probably nowhere near the amount of time they needed. But they were going to HR, and they were going _now_. He couldn’t stand to waste anymore time.

“But Levi-”

“I’m serious about you, Erwin. Are you serious about me?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in Erwin’s eyes. No backing down.

“Then let’s go.” Levi opened the door. “You’ve fought for me this whole time, so let me fight for you.”

Without looking back to check if Erwin was coming, Levi left. He was going down to HR to sort this out, regardless of whether Erwin was coming with him. He was determined to fight, and determined to do everything in his power to make this work.

And thankfully, Erwin followed him.

\---

Levi had never actually been down to Human Resources, but he’d always wondered who worked there. He knew pretty much everybody who worked in the hospital, from nurses to radiographers to receptionists to cafeteria staff. But the lawyers in HR were always a bit of mystery.

Norma, the HR officer on their case, was a nice, middle aged lady. In a hospital full of crazy characters, Norma was fairly normal. 

“And you two have been together for how long now?” Norma asked. They were standard questions, but Levi still felt weird about giving over their entire story to someone else.

Erwin looked towards Levi nervously. “A day.”

“And when did you sign off on your promotion?”

“This morning.”

“Well, this is an obvious problem.” Norma concluded, scribbling on a piece of paper on front of her. 

“We know.” Levi said bluntly. “That’s why we’re here.”

Norma yawned, and then sighed.

“Look, normally the hospital wouldn’t allow a relationship of your kind. There are two exceptions though. One, we have a review into your relationship. We’d do extensive interviews, have everything down on record. And then your relationship would have to be signed off by the hospital board. It’s a lengthy, disgusting process.”

“What’s the second exception?” Levi asked, desperate to hear good news.

“The second requires that you were a couple before being hired by the hospital. It makes your relationship seem more transparent. Since your promotion required a new job contract, it’s kind of like you were rehired by the hospital, yeah?”

"But Levi and I didn't declare our relationship before my promotion.” Erwin pointed out.

"Eh. If you guys keep quiet, I can fudge the dates a little bit, make it look like you filed the papers a couple weeks back and I've been too lazy to process them."

"Really? You're willing it do that for us?" Levi asked, unable to buy it. Surely it wasn’t going to be _that_ easy?

Norma shrugged, examining her fingernails. “I couldn't really care what this hospital does, or what you two want to do to each other, to be honest. I went to law school to help the world become a better place, and yet I'm stuck in a poop factory hospital doing paperwork. I hate this job. If you guys wanna fuck, power to you."

"Uh, thank you, I guess,” Erwin said awkwardly, taking the appropriate paperwork from Norma and passing Levi his pages.

Levi gripped Erwin’s hand as he read it through. He was almost bouncing up and down in his seat with nervous and excited energy. Every single word he read meant one step closer.

_Does the appellant, Levi Ackerman, swear to abide by hospital rules and regulations, which includes upholding a conduct of professionalism judged by the hospital board, when it comes to your relationship with Erwin Smith?_

It was real. Slightly illegal, but _real._

And Levi couldn't sign on the line fast enough.

\---

“We should do something to say thank you to Norma,” Erwin said to Levi as they walked out of the hospital. Even when they were simply walking together, it was so hard for Erwin to keep his hands off Levi.

“What, like setting her up on a blind date?” Levi asked.

“No, that’s kind of cruel. Maybe a box of chocolates?”

“A box of chocolates isn’t going to do anything. That woman needs to get laid.” Levi nodded his head knowingly. “I know a nurse who will give her a gift that will rock her world.”

“And what is that?” Erwin dared to ask.

“Multiple orgasms.”

Erwin wondered just how far Levi’s blunt, dirty talk could go. The answer probably wasn't something he wanted to discover right now.

“Your conduct of professionalism is slipping, Dr. Ackerman. I don’t think you’re acting within hospital regulations,” Erwin murmured slyly. His body was thrumming, feeding off the energy bouncing between them. He was standing still, and yet Levi was somehow moving closer and closer to him, like a freaking magnet. 

A cough brought Erwin back to reality, and he turned to see a familiar face.

_Nile._

His arms were crossed at his chest, and he was not impressed. 

Erwin turned to Levi. “I need a few minutes. Meet me at my car?” 

“Okay,” Levi agreed with a smirk. “But you gotta give me the keys first.”

Erwin chuckled, digging around in his bag. “Here,” he said, handing his keys over. Levi’s eyes lit up mischievously. 

“See ya later. Your car and I have a date.”

“Have fun!”

“Oh, don’t worry. _I will._ ” 

For a brief second, Erwin swore he saw Levi’s tongue poke out against his lips, and he cursed Nile for all of his cockblocking ways.

“We were just joking… You know, friendly banter.” Erwin laughed, trying to ease the tension. But Nile was still highly unimpressed, frowning so deeply Erwin wondered whether that was why he had so many wrinkles for his age. Then again, Nile could always give himself a face lift. 

“Oh, friendly banter? Are you two _just_ friends now?” Nile asked, sarcastic anger radiating off of his body. “That’s news to me.”

Erwin sighed. Today was supposed to be a happy day. He got a promotion, and he had made things official with Levi. And yet Nile was here, trying to get involved, for whatever reason he thought he needed to.

“What do you want Nile?”

“You need to stay away from him.”

Erwin felt so much anger at those words. How _dare_ Nile try to tell him what to do. Nile barely even knew him anymore. It had been years since Erwin had kept regular contact with him. And beyond that, he wasn’t doing anything wrong, morally or legally. He liked Levi, and Levi liked him. There was nothing Nile could say to change that.

“Give me one good reason why,” Erwin said, confident that Nile couldn’t come up with a good rebuttal. 

And yet -

“Marie,” Nile uttered, the two syllable name causing Erwin physical pain, a deep pang in his chest. Out of everything Nile has ever said to him, out of every argument they've ever had, this right here has hurt him the most. 

Erwin glared threateningly, fingers twitching at his sides. He had punched Nile once before, and he wasn’t afraid to rough him up again.

“She has nothing to do with this," Erwin growled.

“She has everything to do with this, and you know it, Erwin!”

“Get the hell away from me. _Now._ ” 

“I hope you’re ready to see everything crash and burn around you. I promise, I won’t be here to pick up the pieces when it does.” 

“You don’t know _anything,_ Nile.” Erwin snapped, fisting a hand in the front of Nile’s shirt. “You only remember how things used to be. But I guess we’re not those people anymore, are we?”

“If you break her heart, I’ll end you.” Nile spat into Erwin’s face, before shaking him off. He left that warning as his last argument, storming off down the hall.

The adrenaline that rushed through Erwin’s body quickly crashed, leaving knives in his stomach. He took a few steps backward and sat against the wall as he desperately tried to settle himself. 

Nile had dredged up a topic that he had tried to suppress for so long. Part of his reason for moving here was his sister, Lorie, but the other part of it was Marie. Everything about her caused him pain, and Nile had brought it all back up, without even knowing the full story. Nile wasn’t there when everything had fallen apart. 

Erwin took a deep breath and put himself back together, ridding himself of all thoughts of Marie, just like he had done every day before meeting Levi. It was a distant memory, not to be meddled with.

Levi - his lovely, smart and sexy boyfriend - was waiting for him. That’s all that really mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me @levierwins on tumblr and twitter.


	13. Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: the first scene is NSFW. Don't start reading this in public or around kids!!

Levi moaned, high pitched and weak, fingers clinging to the back of Erwin’s broad and muscled shoulders. Erwin’s frantic thrusts were pulling Levi into a desperate frenzy, and Levi couldn’t do anything but let Erwin have his way and pound into him, taking everything Levi could give. 

“ _Shit,_ Levi. This is-” Erwin stuttered, reaching down to take Levi’s erection in his hand. “This is so wrong.”

It was. Sex in the hospital was prohibited. Out of bounds. Dangerous. _Wrong._

But Levi had played this game so many times, the forbidden effect had worn on him. Sex in the hospital was just like sex anywhere else, except with the convenience of getting to an emergency quicker. Erwin, a hospital sex virgin, seemed to be getting very flustered and hot at the idea that somebody could find them like this, even though the door was locked.

“But it’s so _right,_ ” Levi whimpered, desperately bucking into Erwin’s thrusts, trying to get that last little bit of friction to send him over the edge. 

Angling his hips _just_ in the right position, Levi found the friction he needed, coming harshly into Erwin's hand. Levi shuddered underneath Erwin in spasms, chewing on his bottom lip to keep the noises quiet. Erwin clung to Levi’s body in return, whispering soft reassurances, words that Levi pretends not to hear, but silently remembers so he can repeat them over in his head when he’s alone. Erwin stiffens inside of him, letting out a long growl, deep and powerful. 

Erwin towers over Levi in bed, and Levi loves how it feels, his strong body fucking him hard into the mattress. Above his beautiful body and physique, Erwin is such an attentive lover too, always making sure Levi feels pleasure above his own needs. It’s a delight to have Erwin in his bed. 

All in all, Levi would say his sex life has never been better. 

“I’m so glad we broke our ‘no sex in the hospital rule’,” Levi huffed, resting his head on Erwin’s chest, curling up so that they could have their post-sex cuddle. “Fuck, that was amazing.”

Erwin hummed, lazily carding his fingers through Levi’s hair. Levi hadn’t expected Erwin to be so affectionate after sex, but Levi wasn’t necessarily complaining about it either. Levi has never really engaged in an intimate relationship like this, and while he was taken aback by the affection Erwin gave him at first, he’s grown to like it. A lot. 

They've developed a ritual around it now. Come home, fuck, order some takeout, have a bath together, and watch television lazily on the coach. It was normal, and probably a bit boring, but it made Levi just as happy as going out on romantic dates did. 

“Levi?” Erwin asked, drawing attention to the unwanted noise in the room. “Are you awake?”

“Shit,” Levi swore, rolling over to glance at his beeping pager. When he saw the message, he groaned. “It’s Shadis. I gotta go.”

Erwin pecked him on the forehead, a sweet goodbye. “Have fun.”

“Oh, I will,” Levi grumbled, pulling on his scrubs and coat, and swiping on a name tag from the bedside drawer.

\---

“You’re late,” Shadis grumbled as Levi approached him. “Rounds are almost starting.”

“I’m sorry sir,” Levi muttered. “I was on call and I overslept.”

“Don’t let it happen again.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Today I’m letting you fly solo,” Shadis said, handing a patient file over to Levi. “Patient’s name is Gina Hunter, female, and needs a heart valve replacement. Routine surgery, I expect you to follow it through from start to finish.”

This was something new. Levi had done solo surgeries before, but they were mostly simple procedures, like an appendectomy or a hip replacement. He's never completed a cardiothoracic surgery all by himself before. 

Even if it was just a valve replacement, something still fairly simple, it was an amazing opportunity.

“Thank you sir,” Levi said sincerely. “I won’t let you down.”

“You better not,” Shadis said. “This is your chance to really prove yourself as a cardiothoracic surgeon. Don’t let me down.”

Levi vowed he wouldn’t.

\---

As Levi gathered up his interns to start rounds, he couldn’t help but let a wide smile stretch across his face. Morning sex _and_ a solo surgery. This day couldn’t get any better, really.

“Why are you smiling?” Petra asked him before they entered the first room. “Did you win the lottery or something?

“You’ll find out soon,” Levi replied smugly. He would be the envy of all the 4th Year Residents when they found out. Oluo would be bitching about it for weeks on end.

They visited several other rooms before finally entering the room of Levi’s new patient. Unable to contain himself, Levi quickly made his way to the front, situating himself right at the patient’s head.

“This is the surgeon who will be taking over you case,” Shadis said, pointing to Levi. “He’s my finest student, I’m sure he’ll take care of you and answer every question you have.”

“Of course,” Gina said, holding out her hand for Levi to shake. “Nice to meet you Dr. Smith.”

Levi frowned, for a second, wondering why the woman would call him that. He looked behind him to see if Erwin was standing there, but he wasn’t.

Must have been a silly misunderstanding, surely. 

“I’m sorry, my name is Dr. Ackerman. Levi Ackerman.” Levi corrected, leaning over to shake her hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Gina chuckled. “Your name tag says ‘Dr. Erwin Smith.’”

Levi looked down, and sure enough, Erwin’s name tag was pinned to the outside of his scrubs. He quickly took it off and pocketed it, but the damage had already been done. The entire room started talking in whispers, staring at him and chuckling, clearly gossiping and theorising. Some even had their phones out, already spreading the news to as many people as they could. Even Shadis was smiling, a rare occurrence nowadays.

Levi panicked for a minute, left stunned while everybody around him slowly spread the secret he had tried so hard to keep. Something so sacred and special to him was now being tainted by the masses of the hospital. The one thing he didn’t want happening under any circumstances had happened, all control over the situation taken from him.

“Never mind,” Levi muttered when he finally shook himself from his stupor. “I must have picked up the wrong name tag in the change rooms.”

The patient seemed to fall for the lie, but everybody else knew the truth. Residents didn’t go into the Attendings change rooms. Not ever.

Levi had royally fucked up, and in a matter of seconds, the entire hospital knew about his relationship with Erwin.

\---

“Why is today so boring?” Jean lamented, laying on an unused gurney. Armin had told him so many times to get off his lazy butt and clean up the ER, but Jean was very much in one of his asshole moods today. There was work to be done, but Jean didn't _do it._

"I don't know, I got quite the kick out of rounds this morning," Ymir said as she stretched her body out. She was doing yoga on her unused gurney, even though Hanji had told her to stop doing it twice. "Smith and Ackerman are totally fucking."

Armin, still silent, felt sorry for Dr. Ackerman. He was a private person, and he clearly didn't want the whole hospital to know about his relationship. This morning had been so awkward on so many levels. He almost wanted to ask his Resident if he was okay, but that would be kind of inappropriate.

"That was pretty funny," Jean agreed. “But _this,_ right now, is too boring. They put us on ER duty, but there’s a broken bone, some stitches and the flu. Literally _nothing_ surgical.” 

“Maybe that’s exactly why they put us down here, so that we can learn.” Marco muttered, currently preparing the stitch kit for his next patient. “I call it a job well done if I can put this woman’s skin back together without a scar.”

“Why are you down here anyway, Marco? Shouldn’t you be upstairs with your new friends?” Jean sneered, sitting up. 

“It’s a fucking hospital, Jean, I have just as much of a right to be here as you do.”

“Yeah, sure. It just doesn’t mean that you have to be _here._ ”

Marco stiffened, looking like he was about to cry. Armin sighed, making his way over to the two. This kind of hurtful banter had been going on for weeks now, with little sign of ending. Armin had tried to convince Jean to talk to Marco about what happened the night they kissed, but the longer Jean left it, the more they kept fighting. It was starting to get on everyone's nerves.

“Woah, woah,” Armin said, positioning himself between Marco and Jean. “Calm down guys.”

“Whatever,” Marco muttered, taking off to find his patient. Armin sighed, whacking Jean on the head.

“Hey! What was that for?” Jean grumbled, scratching at the place Armin had hit him.

It seemed like Jean was never going to learn, no matter how many pep talks Armin gave him. Either he felt uncomfortable with Marco’s feelings, or he was in denial of his own. Armin wished he would figure it out soon, and let everyone get on with their work in peace. 

“Why are we talking and not doing? There are lives to be saved here, people! Chop chop!!” Hanji shouted, trying to shoo them all away. Armin had noticed that Dr. Hanji was particularly protective of their Emergency Room, and other interns who made mistakes here got thoroughly yelled at by them.

Not wanting to become one of those poor and unfortunate souls, Armin set off to talk to the patient in bed four. 

Jean, on the other hand, continued to complain. “There’s literally nothing to do, Dr. Hanji.”

“Has anyone done a blood work up on the patient in bed three?”

“No, why?” Jean asked, confused. “It’s just the flu??”

“Yes, but the patient has been claiming that they’ve been sick for almost a month now. There could be an underlying problem.” Hanji explained. “Did you even listen to the patient’s worries?”

Jean shook his head.

“I think you know where you need to be,” Hanji said, sending him off down the room with a point. “And you.”

“Me?” Ymir replied, moving her body so that her legs were poised straight in the air. “What about me? I’m just doing yoga.”

“Stop doing yoga and start discharging some patients,” Hanji said, dumping patient files on her bed.

“What about me?” Eren asked. He had been silent with Armin up until now, simply throwing a stress ball against the wall. 

Hanji sighed, taking the stress ball from him in mid air. “Paperwork, Jaeger.”

“Just great,” Eren mumbled.

Armin worried for Eren very deeply. Every day that passed, he seemed to get more and more depressed. But every time Armin tried to talk to him about it, he dismissed it and refused to talk, telling Armin that it was nothing he’d understand.

Armin had tried his best to be there for him, but the more he tried, the less Eren wanted to hang out with him. And Armin didn’t want to live in a world where Eren didn’t talk to him anymore, so he let it be. At this point, Armin would take any sliver of friendship that Eren would give him, and that wasn't much at the moment. 

Armin just wanted to help, somehow. 

Just as the Emergency Room seemed to settle down, the siren rang to indicate an incoming ambulance. 

“Well listen to that, it’s your lucky day interns!” Hanji yelled, signalling them all over. “Trauma coming in ten minutes.”

Everybody rushed to the front, dragging out trays of equipment and putting on trauma gloves and gowns. Even Eren seemed slightly excited, ready to actually do something.

But as soon as the man came into the ER - a major car crash victim - it was a lost cause. They went through the motions of trying to save the man, but even if they stabilised him, Armin knew that he would be brain dead, never to wake again.

Armin felt defeated. They were supposed to be _saving_ lives, but all they seemed to be doing lately was taking lives. As a doctor, he was all but useless. 

“There’s no coming back from that,” Jean muttered, ridding himself of his safety gown and gloves. “But hey, maybe he’s an organ donor. We should check his wallet.”

“Dibs on being in the organ harvest.” Ymir called, immediately scrounging around the man’s clothes for his wallet. When she finally found it, she pulled out an organ donor card in triumph.

“It was my idea, therefore _my_ organ harvest,” Jean claimed, snatching the card from her hands. Pretty soon, all the interns were fighting over who was going get in on the surgery. Even Armin, who didn’t like conflict, pointed out that he had a right to be there too, as one of the patient's doctors. 

“You all disgust me,” Eren muttered, pushing himself away from the chaos. “He’s a person, not food.”

“Eren, wait-” Armin said, reaching out, trying to stop Eren from storming off.

“No, Armin! You were in on it too. I can even see it on your face!!” Eren yelled, clearly distressed. “This man could be somebody’s husband, somebody’s brother, somebody’s _father,_ and you’re fighting over his death like children.”

There was nothing but silence as Eren threw his hands into the air. It looked like he was waiting for a response, an apology, but there was nothing to say. They had all done wrong, and they knew it.

“I’m out,” Eren finally said, storming off. Armin was once again useless; he couldn’t do anything but watch Erwn leave. 

“The organ harvest is still mine,” Jean whispered when Eren had vacated the room. Armin whacked him on the head again, just for good measure.

\---

“Oh look! Here’s the loverboy,” Oluo jeered as Levi approached him. Levi would totally punch him in the face, if it wasn’t going to get him fired. “So tell me, Levi, how is the Chief in bed, on a scale of 1 to 10?”

Levi sighed, taking a seat a seat next to Petra and Eld. His plan was to ignore every comment about Erwin, and to change the subject as quickly as possible. But already, Oluo was making that very difficult. 

“So, who wants to be in on my heart valve replacement?” Levi asked, trying not to look Oluo in the eye. 

“Oh! Me, me, me!!” Petra shouted, hand in the air.

“Nice try, Levi, but I'm going to get to the bottom of this,” Oluo said, leaning forward, like he was a police officer in an interrogation. “Tell me, what did you get for sucking his dick?”

“Why? You interested Oluo?” Petra muttered, shooting him an angry glare. Of course, Levi could always count on Petra to back him up. 

“You knew about this, didn’t you Petra?”

“Of course I did. I’m Levi’s _person._ He tells me everything!” 

Oluo rolled his eyes and Petra stuck out her tongue in retaliation, the kind of stereotypical banter that was commonplace between them. If Levi didn't know how much Petra detested Oluo, he would have thought it was flirting. 

“So what are you going to do now, Levi?” Oluo asked, turning to him. “Surely the board is going to fire Smith after this. Or maybe they’ll fire you first?”

“Nobody is going to get fired,” Levi grumbled. It was one thing to gossip, but it was another to take hits at his career. Out of all the gossip he's heard, that’s what made Levi really angry. The fact that he'd decided to put his dick up Erwin's ass didn't make him an incompetent surgeon. 

Levi gritted his teeth and decided to bury his pride. He might as well come out with the full picture, one that wouldn't paint him as the slut everyone knew him to be. Perhaps it would save _some_ of his professional integrity. 

“The relationship is completely legal.”

Oluo choked on his food, and Eld looked up for the first time since Levi sat down. The only one who wasn’t shocked was Petra, who patted Levi on the back like a proud mama bear, knowing how hard it was for Levi to come out and say that he was in a relationship.

“Relationship?” Oluo spluttered in shock. “ _Levi Ackerman,_ in a _relationship?_ I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a relationship. Well, aside from Eld-”

At the sound of his name, Eld stood up and walked away, having said nothing the entire time. He didn't seem angry, or annoyed, only sad. 

Levi sighed. He’d really dug himself a deep hole with this one. He should have just stuck to the plan and kept his mouth shut. And now, Oluo was being particularly annoying, while Eld was upset, for whatever reason. 

“You always did have a thing for blonds…” Oluo mused.

“Both of you are complete idiots,” Petra hissed, throwing her fork at Oluo. It stuck in his disgusting grey hair, making Levi snort under his breath. “Eld still has feelings for you, Levi. And you, Oluo, as his friend, should have shut up about it.”

Levi had honestly never stopped to think about Eld, or what he might be feeling. From the moment they broke up, they were only ever fuck buddies. Levi felt nothing but friendship for him, and he had thought that Eld felt the same. 

“He told you that he still has feelings for me?” Levi asked, with a frown. It wasn't like Petra to not tell him something this big. 

“No, but it’s _so_ obvious,” Petra replied, rolling her eyes. “I swear to God, men know nothing. You're all clueless.”

All Levi wanted to do when he woke up this morning was have sex with his boyfriend. Why did everything that followed have to be so damn complicated?

\---

“What are you doing?” Erwin asked, approaching Levi cautiously. His boyfriend was hunched over an anatomy book with a stick of licorice stuck between his teeth, chewing slowly, but concentrating his hardest. It was incredibly cute, Erwin almost wanted to take a picture on his phone so he could save it as his wallpaper.

But that would be inappropriate. 

“Studying,” Levi muttered, looking up to Erwin. “What are _you_ doing?”

“I thought I might check up on you… To see how you're doing…”

“After I took your name tag and fucked everything up?” Levi added, digging into his pocket to find Erwin’s name tag. “Yeah, I know. I was there. I believe this is yours.”

In return, Erwin gave Levi his own name tag back.

“Everything between us is okay, right?” Erwin asked, a tentative edge to his voice. He didn’t want to seem needy or clingy, but he wanted Levi’s reassurance that nothing between them was going to change, now that they had been outed.

“Look, Erwin, I’m trying to study,” Levi explained, pointing to his book. “In three hours time, I’m going to be entirely responsible for someone’s heart. I’m going to hold that heart in my hand, and Shadis isn’t going to be around to stop me from fucking it up. So I have to study, or I could kill someone.”

“Okay,” Erwin replied, waiting for a goodbye. The goodbye never came, so he walked off anyway, feeling neglected for the first time since they had started their relationship. 

For a man who claimed that he didn't do relationships, Levi had taken to being with Erwin better than he expected. Levi was basically living at his house five days a week, and he hadn't shown signs of backing out. Until now. Their honeymoon period was thoroughly over, it seemed. 

If only Levi knew that he held Erwin’s heart in his hands too.

\---

“Hey, Little Shit Number One,” Levi greeted Eren, finding him hauled up in the medical library, intensely focused on the laptop in front of him. “Where are the rest of the Little Shits?”

“I don’t know.”

Levi stood and analysed Eren for a few seconds. The man seemed thoroughly upset, and Levi didn’t miss the moisture beneath his eyes. If there was anything he knew about Eren, it was that he was a tough one. Nothing, not even death, seemed to bring him down. For him to be crying, something bad must have happened.

“I have something that might cheer you up, maybe turn that frown upside down." Levi said, pushing a patient file in front of Eren. “I have my solo valve replacement and I need an intern to assist. You want in?”

“No,” Eren muttered, fingers tapping away at his laptop. “I’m quitting.”

Levi’s jaw dropped. He had been expecting this at some point, sure, but not this soon. Not right now, out of blue. 

“Wait!” Levi said. “Just give it a bit more time… You can explore other professions and still work here. Don't quit without something to fall back on."

“You’re the one who told me I should chase my dreams, and do what feels right.” Eren pointed out. 

"Well, I never said that _exactly,_ " Levi countered, but Eren looked very unimpressed. 

Clearly, Levi was fighting a losing battle. Eren seemed fairly set on leaving, and he needed something that would engage him, bring him back to the reason why he chose this profession in the first place. 

“Have you ever held a human heart, Eren?"

That caught his attention, and Eren’s focus left his computer and moved to Levi. “A dead one, yeah.”

“No.” Levi shook his head. “A real, live, _beating_ human heart… It’s different. Special.”

“What has this got to do with me?”

“Do the surgery with me, and experience it for yourself. If you don’t feel anything, you’ll know for sure that you don’t belong here. If you feel something, maybe you should stay for a little longer.”

Eren stopped to think, weighing it up, all the pros and cons. But really, there was nothing to lose.

“Okay."

Levi nodded. “Familiarise yourself with the case, and be at OR 5 in an hour.”

It wasn’t a success, but at least it was something. Levi hated seeing his students fail, and hopefully this would set Eren on the right path once and for all.

\---

“Come in,” Erwin called out, hoping the person knocking on his door was Levi, even though he knew, logically, that Levi would still be in surgery.

There was something about Levi that always made him lose any logical thought, making him hoping and dreaming for things he couldn't have. He wanted nothing more than to hear Levi’s soft voice, the one he uses when it's just them, when he's calm and relaxed and unafraid to be intimate. He doesn’t want things between them to be so fractured, not when it was so blissful and so _right_ beforehand.

But instead of Levi walking through those doors, he was greeted with a very cold faced and hostile Nile, the last person he wanted to see.

“One of your patients is requesting a plastic surgery. A Jane Doe who has called herself Christa.” Nile handed the papers over, while keeping as much distance as possible. He wasn't even using a fake smile. “You need to sign off on it.”

Erwin had a quick look at her scans and scribbled his signature. The patient looked to be in perfect health, so there was no point in delaying. The sooner the better, if they wanted minimal scarring.

But before he handed over the papers, Erwin decided to try smoothing things over.

“Look, Nile, I don’t want it to be like this. You’re one of my oldest and dearest friends, can’t we just move on and bury the hatchet?” 

“If you want my friendship, you have to tell Marie about Levi.” Nile said, with no compromise. It didn't look like he was backing down from his morals, even though he wasn't actually involved in the situation at all. 

But this was the one thing that Erwin was never going to budge on, not even for Nile. 

“Nile, I want to be your friend again, but I can’t talk to Marie. It’s just not going to happen."

Nile took the papers from Erwin's desk, not bothering to wait for Erwin to hand them over. “Then we’re not friends. Not anymore.”

It was clear to Erwin that Nile cared about Marie, possibly even loved her, far more than Nile cared about Erwin himself. It was almost surreal to think that Nile, who has almost always been his friend, is now no longer a part of his private life. And it was all because of a woman, no less. 

It's funny, how people change.

\---

"So. What did you think?" Levi asked Eren as they emerged from the surgical ward. "Was it amazing? Will you stay?"

"It was amazing," Eren said, "The way that one organ just keeps going and going, even after such trauma... Incredible."

The answer was promising, but Levi could sense the hesitation in Eren's voice. He was holding something back. 

"But?"

"But I don't care about it. Not the way that you, or Armin, care about it." Eren explained, as the words he's held back for so long come rushing out of his mouth. "It's amazing, but I didn't sit there thinking about how to cut it open and stitch it back together. There are so many steps, so many things you have to remember and make sure of. And it took so long. Hours and hours and hours of so many planned and precise steps. There's no freedom there."

"How did you graduate med school then?" Levi asked. If Eren felt this strongly now, surely he would have had reservations about surgery before now. 

"My sister - she's a genius - tutored me a lot. And... a lot of strings were pulled by my father, who does research for the university I attended. To this day, I'm convinced I didn't pass my exams, and that my father rigged it. He probably got me into this program, too."

Eren dug into his pocket and pulled out a letter, the one that he was typing up earlier. "Could you give this to Dr. Smith?"

Levi scoffed. Eren was clearly giving him shit for it for his relationship with Erwin. Maybe it was payback, after all the taunting that he subjected him and his fellow interns to. "You can give it to him yourself."

"I don't want to face him. It's humiliating."

Levi softened. Sometimes he had to remember that not everyone was out to get him. 

"It's not humiliating, Eren. Not at all."

"It is... I didn't even make it to the six month mark. I'm weak. Pathetic."

"Just because you're not meant for surgery doesn't mean you're weak," Levi said, snatching the resignation letter from him. "I'll get this to Dr. Smith. But Eren? You have a heart, just like that lady, just like the rest of us. It beats all the time, nonstop. You're amazing too."

"Thanks Dr. Ackerman," Eren laughed. "You're a softie after all, aren't you?"

Levi couldn't avoid the blush that spread across his cheeks. Maybe he was getting softer in his old age. "Shut up and get going."

Eren lingered in the hallways of the surgical ward, his eyes gazing around at all of his surroundings, burning them into his memory. He touched the doorway and stopped, his final goodbye. 

"Could you tell the others... that I'm going to be okay?"

"Sure."

"It was nice working with you."

"You too, Eren."

Eren laughed again. "You called me Eren. That's the first time."

Levi shook his head. Once a dumb intern, always a dumb intern. They never remembered anything. 

"I told you from the start: when you earn my respect, I call you by your name."

Levi saw the faintest smear of moisture under Eren's eye, and then, he was gone.

\---

When Levi entered Erwin’s office, there was silence. And Erwin’s silence only meant one thing; Levi had hurt Erwin, in some way.

Levi was on edge earlier, and it wouldn't surprise him if he'd sent Erwin the wrong vibes. Levi didn’t mean to be awful, or dismissive, he just needed time to process what had happened. And, of course, he was never good at expressing his feelings in the first place. 

It was still so surreal to see Erwin sitting at the Chief's desk, wearing the Chief's badge, and doing the Chief's job. There were boxes of his belongings everywhere, still waiting to be unpacked and placed into the Chief's office. His boyfriend had been incredibly busy lately, juggling his new job and his new relationship. Levi knew that deep down, it must be hard for him. 

Levi sighed, walking up to Erwin, where sits scratching away at paperwork.

“Here,” Levi said, holding out Eren’s letter of resignation.

Erwin stopped his work, and took the letter. “What is it?”

“Dr. Jaeger’s resignation.”

“Your intern?”

“Yeah…”

Erwin groaned, dumping the letter on his desk to rub at his eyes. “Great. Now I’m going to have to find a replacement.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“No,” Levi said firmly. “It’s my fault.”

“What are talking about? Dr. Jaeger, your bad mood, or the fact that you accidentally outed us?”

Levi bit his lip. He was a royal fuck up. “All three?”

Erwin half-sighed, half-laughed. “What is wrong with us?”

The fact that Erwin could still joke about it put him at ease. They could talk this out. He knew they could. 

“I could say so many things to answer that, but I think you might want that question to stay hypothetical.” Levi drawled. “Look, Erwin, I don’t want to fight. I was moody, and I’m sorry.”

Erwin nodded. “Apology accepted.”

His boyfriend was way too good to him, far more than what Levi truly deserved. 

“Today-” Levi smiled, even simply thinking about. “Today I held a human heart in my hands, all by myself. Shadis wasn’t there, looking over my shoulder, waiting for me to fail. It was all me. It was… the best feeling I’ve ever experienced.

And then I realised… it might be the best feeling ever, but it’s short. Fleeting. Actually being in the Operating Room can only take up so much of my day. As much as I would love to be in a relationship with surgery, I can’t. It’s just not possible. I want you to fill the gaps in my day. I need you to."

Erwin beckoned Levi over, and Levi followed, walking around Erwin’s desk. Erwin picked up his hands, cradling them in his own, looking up at Levi with all the adoration in the world. 

It’s nice, and sweet, and it made Levi feel mushy things in his stomach, things he only felt around Erwin.

“I really, really like you, Levi,” Erwin admitted. His brilliant blue eyes could be both severe and sincere at the same time, and Levi loved both sides of them equally. “I might even love you - just a little bit.”

“A little bit? Or a lot?” Levi teased. This was so dorky, so stupid, but it meant everything to him. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t get ahead of yourself now.” Erwin joked, squeezing Levi’s hands. “I’m in this for the long haul. Which is why…”

Clearly Erwin was struggling to say something really important. Levi waited patiently for Erwin to say his piece, whatever it was, but it never seemed to come. In fact, it looked like Erwin was getting quite emotional about it. 

“Hey, don’t get choked up on me now, Chief.”

“Never mind,” Erwin said quickly, shaking his head, snapping out of his awkward daze. “It’s nothing.”

“You sure?" Levi asked, worried. If Levi didn't know any better, he would have thought Erwin was going to start crying...

“Yeah,” Erwin replied, dismissing it. “So. Walk me through your surgery.”

And, of course, all thoughts of Erwin's unsaid words flew through the window at the idea of talking about his surgery. He walked Erwin through it, every single step, missing nothing out. And Erwin took his time and listened, even though he probably already knew how to do a valve replacement from his own days as a Resident. 

It felt like they were both taking a massive step forward, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done, I'm so sorry for the delay. Real life and writers block caught me bad. _But,_ I've already written the majority of chapter 14, and I'm making way on 15 too (the chapters are a side-by-side deal). 
> 
> You may have noticed chapter limit I've put on this fic. If all goes to plan, it's gonna end with 20 chapters!! I've put that there to give myself a goal, and to force myself to finish the fic. Unfortunately, I have been losing grip on the plot, and I have been losing interest in writing it (I blame Gangsta). I've cut or altered a lot of the minor character's storylines to move it along faster. It might make for a less interesting or intense fic, but a finished fic is better than an unfinished fic, and the Eruri storyline will always stay the same as what I've envisioned. 
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated, and you can find me @levierwins.


	14. Remembrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back by popular demand!! How long has it been? Wait - don't answer that question.
> 
> I know I posted something saying that this fic was basically discontinued, and I know it's terrible of me to say that and then give you this chapter. But I saw a few really nice posts about the fic, and most people really wanna see how it ends. So I am going to my hardest (no promises, of course) to give you an ending. Although I might need a few kicks up the ass along the way.
> 
> This chapter is un-beta'd and probably _very_ messy. I'm sorry I can't put heaps of time into editing it.

“Hey Levi,” Erwin said, turning from where he was working at the kitchen table. Levi was flipping through TV channels on Erwin’s couch, waiting for dinner to cook. “This paperwork says Marco Bodt is your intern… but I thought he was Oluo Bozard’s intern.”

“Oh yeah, that’s because of the intern swap.” Levi replied.

“Intern swap?”

Levi sighed, sitting up to face Erwin. “Y’know, where Residents trade their interns for new ones. Oluo wanted to get rid of Ymir, so I gave him Bodt.”

Erwin seemed incredibly shocked. “What the hell would you do that?”

“Hey, don’t get all angry at me,” Levi said, hands in the air. “Everybody was taking part. It’s an annual thing.”

Erwin shook his head, shuffling through papers. “Well, everybody is going to have to go back to where they came from. Immediately. I can’t deal with all the paperwork or all the shit I’m going to get from the hospital board if they find out.”

“But wait- if Bodt comes back to me, that could disrupt the entire program.” Levi explained. “Kirschtein and Bodt used to be best friends - I thought they were going to get together, to be honest - but they had a falling out, and now every interaction they have is fight. It would disrupt my work, everyone else’s work, and then Arlert - a neutral party - will finally have to pick a side.”

Hospital politics and drama was a very delicate matter. 

“I… honestly don’t know what to say to that.” Erwin muttered. “Regardless of… whatever you’re talking about, Bodt has to go back to your service.”

Levi sighed. He tried one last time, jutting out his bottom lip. “Please, Erwin?”

“No, Levi,” Erwin said sternly. “I can’t be seen giving special treatment, you know that.”

Although Levi was annoyed at the prospect of having to hear Bodt and Kirschtein’s bickering nonstop from now on, he understood Erwin’s predicament. He was trying to tidy up everything that Zackley had managed to fuck up in his incompetent management of the hospital. His boyfriend was working overtime, and he deserved a break.

Levi jumped up from the couch and walked over to Erwin, hands rubbing between his shoulder blades in a massage. “It’s okay. I understand.” Levi said, kissing the top of Erwin’s head. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it… But I'll deal.”

Erwin sighed, relaxing into Levi’s touch. “Thank you.”

“I think you’re working too much. We should go out somewhere.” Levi suggested. “What about dinner tomorrow night, my treat?”

“Sounds good,” Erwin replied with smile. “Oh, I can tell you now. I found a new intern to replace Jaeger.”

Things had been rough without Eren around. All of his work had been divided between him and the interns, causing Levi some overtime too. He needed another intern on his team, and he needed somebody who was competent. Not to mention the fact that Armin was constantly complaining about how much he missed Eren. Nobody knew where Eren had gone; his phone was disconnected, his apartment cleaned out, and all of his social media accounts were deactivated. He was gone without a trace, and it worried Armin deeply.

But Levi knew Eren is resilient. If anyone could survive, it would be him.

“Do you know if this new intern is any good?” Levi asked.

“Very,” Erwin replied. “Graduated first of her class at Shiganshina University, and is currently doing her internship over at Sina. She’s gotten great recommendations from the people I’ve spoken to over there. She’s incredibly smart, dedicated, reliable and great with patients.”

 _Perfect,_ Levi thought. “When can she start? I need an extra set of hands as soon as possible.”

“I’m calling her tomorrow to say she’s hired.” Erwin took a file from the table and handed it to Levi. “And get this: she’s Eren’s sister. Wants to move back here to be closer to her family.”

Levi’s eyebrow raised. Eren’s sister was talked about a lot by Eren himself, but nobody actually knew who she was. Clearly, she had heard the news of Eren quitting and wanted to come back to support him. Perhaps she could find where Eren had run off to.

Levi opened the file in curiosity, the first page presenting a neatly formatted resume.

 _Mikasa Jaeger,_ it read, in large bold writing.

Levi doesn’t manage to read anything else other than that, because he’s too busy staring at the profile picture of a young woman with flawless skin, jet black hair, and beautiful brown eyes.

She doesn’t look like Eren at all.

She looks like someone Levi used to know, only in the dark foggy haze of his past, something sealed away and never reopened. Before he knows it, thoughts and memories and feelings come flooding back to him, of things he’s tried so hard to forget.

“Levi?” Erwin said, breaking Levi from his trance. “I think the timer for the oven is beeping.”

“Oh, right,” Levi muttered, dumping the file back on Erwin’s kitchen table, moving quickly to take care of their dinner. He wanted to move on from this topic as quickly as possible.

But Levi can’t seem to shake the image of Mikasa’s picture from his mind.

\---

“Are you ready?” Ymir asked. It had been a day since Christa’s plastic surgery to rebuild her face and graft her skin. This was the first time taking the bandages off, and the first time she’d see her new face.

“As I’ll ever be,” Christa said nervously. Ymir knew that the girl was excited, but she was also hesitant as well. What if she didn’t like the face she had been given? What if she regained her memories and her face looked too different enough for her to connect with it? It could have lasting mental effects, and Ymir would be lying if she said she wasn't concerned about it. 

“Remember there will be swelling, but that should go down with time.” Ymir said, peeling the first of the bandages off.

“Anything is better than what I had before.”

When Ymir finished unravelling the bandage, she stood back to look at it properly. Dr. Dok really was the best plastic surgeon in the hospital, and he had done a great job. 

“What? Does it look awful?”

“No,” Ymir said, sincerely. “You look beautiful.” She grabbed the mirror and held it up, just to prove her point.

“Wow.”

Christa was completely entranced with her reflection.

“Is that a good wow or a bad wow?” 

“A good wow,” Christa replied. “I mean, sure, there’s swelling, but it’s not too bad. It will clean up more, won’t it?”

“Yep, the redness and swelling will go right down.”

“I feel pretty for the first time since I woke up here,” Christa claimed, still staring at her reflection. “That probably sounds really vain of me, doesn’t it?”

“Nah, not at all,” Ymir scoffed. She couldn’t blame Christa for not feeling pretty before now. She barely even had a nose. “I’m sure Dok will be glad to hear you’re so happy with it.”

Christa nodded, setting the mirror aside. “Thanks Ymir… You’ve been so good for me, this whole time… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Oh please,” Ymir sighed, a teasing look on her face. She playfully punched Christa in the shoulder. “Flatter me some more and you’re on your way to double jello cups.”

Somewhere, somehow, before Ymir even knew it, Christa’s hand curled into the front of her shirt. She was looking at her intensely, searching for any lies.

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course, I’ll get you all the jello cups you want.” Ymir replied, half-spooked by how much Christa was staring at her. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought that they were having some sort of moment, that Christa was going to lean over and she was going to-

Kiss her.

“Woah,” Ymir panted, jerking backwards, pushing Christa off of her. “This - this isn’t what I meant - Christa, it’s illegal. You can’t do that again.”

Christa's expression was a mixture of disappointment, shock and sadness. Ymir didn't have time to feel guilt for pushing her away, when all she could think about was how much trouble she would be in if anyone found out. She would be fired, instantly.

“But all the flirting, you can’t seriously tell me you feel nothing for me?”

Ymir felt a lot for Christa. She felt sympathy for the girl, who now has nothing, due to an event out of her control. She felt protective of her, after all the trouble she’s been through, just like she feels protective over a lot of her patients. She felt the need to look after her, and to be the best doctor she can.

But she doesn’t feel anything more than that. She _can’t_ feel anything more than that.

“I have to go,” Ymir said, turning around to dash out the door.

It was for the best anyway.

\---

Marco sighed as he finished filing his papers and charts, a nightly ritual that all the interns had to go through. At first, he didn’t mind it. It gave him time to himself, or gave him time to spend with Jean and the others.

But now, Jean was speaking to him like he was an enemy. The more time went on, the more Jean would talk badly to him. And he didn’t know how to stop it, because he didn’t know what had started it. Surely it wasn’t their drunken kiss? It was just a kiss. Surely Jean was mature enough to let Marco down if he didn't feel that way. 

Marco was having a rough time, to say the least. And now, he had to watch as Jean flirted with a nurse significantly more attractive than him. It was ridiculous. Jean was rubbing it in his face, wanting to get reaction from him.

“Hey Armin,” Marco said, turning around. “Who’s that with Jean?”

“Uhh,” Armin muttered, looking towards Jean. “A nurse. I think his name is Mark? Something like that…”

“Have you seen them together before?” Marco tried not to let his jealousy seep through to his voice, but it was impossible, because he _was_ jealous, and he won't deny it.

“Marco,” Armin said in the wise voice he always used when giving advice. “Seriously, don’t go there. If Jean isn’t going to talk about it or treat you like a human being, he’s not worth it.”

Marco sighed. That was easier said than done, especially when they spend about ten hours a day together.

“You had a crush on him too, right? How did you get over it?”

“Uhh.” Armin’s face physically deflated. “I spent more time with Eren.”

Eren had been a sore subject with Armin ever since he had left the hospital without saying goodbye. Nobody had been able to contact him, and it was worrying Armin to no end. Marco hated that he was bringing back all these feelings and hurting Armin in the process.

“He’ll come back Armin. I know he we will.”

But there was no convincing Armin.

“Yeah, sure,” Armin muttered, sulking off, leaving Marco to lament on his own.

He looked back to Jean and his new boy toy. Something had to be done about that. He couldn’t end up like Armin, sulking about what could have been. He had to seize the day while he still had a chance.

\---

“Okay,” Levi said, holding up two long sleeve button up shirts for comparison. “Black or navy blue?”

“Hmm,” Petra hummed. “If you’re wearing your leather jacket, go for the blue. Too much black makes you look goth.”

Levi rolled his eyes. Petra was always telling him to wear less black. “Thanks,” he muttered, taking the navy blue shirt and putting the other away.

As he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he saw a tired man with dark circles underpinning his eyes. Sighing, he reached into his bedroom drawer to fish for a small bottle of concealer, something he only used on rare occasions.

He wasn’t using make up. Not really. He just wanted to look good for Erwin.

“Yo Levi! Your boyfriend is here!!” Petra called, voice echoing up to the bathroom.

Levi looked at himself in the mirror one last time. It was as good as it was going to get. Grabbing his jacket, he made his way downstairs.

Erwin was dressed perfectly; black slacks, white dress shirt, and a black blazer. Levi felt like a potato standing next to him, it was ridiculous. 

“Have fun you two!” Petra cooed, pushing Levi forward and shutting the door. She's been weirdly pushy lately, making sure that Levi spent ample time at Erwin’s house, basically pushing him out the door. At first, Levi had thought it was his new relationship making his senses all muddled, but the more he thought about, the more he thought Petra might be having a fling of her own.

But he didn’t confront her. If she wanted to talk about it, she would come to him eventually. She always did. 

“Ready?” Erwin asked, holding out his hand for Levi to take. They made their way to Erwin’s beautiful, expensive car, and Levi sighed as he sat in the front seat. It was fucking warmed. Who in the hell had a car so expensive that the seats were _warmed_?

Erwin, it seemed.

“You have to let me drive this sometime,” he said, turning to the heat vents to warm his cold fingers. He would take the car past the forest, out to the ocean, and he would drive, as far as he could go. Escape the crowding of the city and _live_ for a little while. 

“Sure,” Erwin replied. “Ah, I forgot to tell you; we have company tonight.”

“What?” Levi muttered in shock. This wasn’t part of the plan. It was supposed to be the two of them, relaxing, and spending time together. 

“Well, Nanaba and I have been planning to go out to dinner for awhile-”

“You and Nanaba?” Levi asked, butting in as his emotional insecurities tore at him. He knew that Erwin was friends with the pediatric surgeon, but he hadn’t known that they were _this_ close. “Is there something you have to tell me?”

Erwin panicked, immediately realising what Levi was implying. “No, no, _no,_ not like that - just as friends-”

“Uh huh, yeah, sure. That’s how it always starts.”

Levi hadn’t been in many relationships. Two, in total. Three, if you included casual fuck buddies. But he had watched enough daily soaps to know that when your boyfriend was hanging out with another man, and has been planning to go to dinner with him, something was wrong. 

“Levi,” Erwin muttered as the car stopped at a red light. He looked across, with pure sincerity in his eyes. “I would never cheat on you.”

Levi skin tickled at the idea of Erwin being so invested in him. Sure, he was happy that he seemed so firm about never cheating on him. But their relationship was still so new, and there was still so much left unsaid between them. He can’t possibly trust Erwin yet. In some ways, he didn’t even fully trust Petra. 

That wasn’t unreasonable of him, right? Levi deserved the right to protect himself. 

“Chill, Erwin,” Levi muttered, trying to dismiss the topic. “Nanaba is with Mike. He would never cheat, I know that.”

_But I don’t know that you wouldn’t cheat. Not entirely._

“Anyway,” Erwin said sheepishly. “I might have mentioned we were going on a date today, so I invited Nanaba. And Mike.”

“So it’s really a double date?” 

“Kinda,” Erwin muttered. “Are you mad?”

Levi had to think about that, because he wasn’t necessarily mad, but he wasn’t necessarily happy about having to spend the night with two of his superiors. It was probably going to be super awkward, and Levi wasn't equipped to deal with a social situation like that.

But this night wasn’t supposed to be about him; it was about doing something nice for Erwin.

“No,” Levi replied. “As long as you’re happy and relaxed.”

“Thanks, babe.” 

_Babe._ Ugh, Levi hated that word. It was what Eld used to call him, and it brought back memories he didn’t want to have, not when he was spending time with Erwin.

He wanted tell Erwin to stop using it, but he didn’t want to have the “exes conversation” yet. He’d been holding off on telling Erwin just how many people he’s slept with in the hospital, and he'll keep it private for a while longer. In his defence, most of the sleeping around happened during his intern year, even though his reputation still lingered. 

“I’ll make it up to you later,” Erwin said, a hand on Levi’s knee, slowly rubbing up his inner thigh.

Levi bit his lip, trying his best to contain any embarrassing noises. Damn this man. Even the slightest touch could make him fall apart. “I’d like that,” Levi said with a short pant.

At least he was going to get some great sex out of this. After a night of awkward conversation, he’d need it.

\---

“You know…” Levi muttered, clinging to Erwin’s shirt. They had just walked through the door of Erwin’s house and Levi was already climbing all over him, alcohol fuzzying his decisions. “Tonight wasn’t too bad.”

Erwin laughed, clearly not as affected by the alcohol as Levi. “What? It wasn’t incredible? Amazing?” Erwin asked, directing Levi to his couch and sitting him down.

Levi whined when Erwin walked away. “I just want to touch you,” he sighed, sinking into the cushions of the couch. So soft, so squishy.

Erwin came back to him with a glass of water and two aspirins. “You’re only happy because you’re drunk.”

Levi shrugged. “Zacharius is boring. Nanaba is too happy. They grate on me.”

Erwin pushed the glass of water and aspirin into Levi’s hands. “Drink.”

Levi took the items, but paused. “But can I suck your dick afterwards?”

“Do you have any filter for that mouth of yours?”

“Nope,” Levi muttered, a cheeky smile. “But you love it. Especially in bed.”

“I do,” Erwin said, smiling. Now all Levi needed was to get to his bed and take his clothes off and Erwin would be his… “Now please, take the water and medication.”

Levi did what Erwin said obediently, but made sure to glare seductively the entire time. Erwin, who seemed unbothered by such glances, all but picked Levi up from the couch to place him in bed.

“But can I still suck your dick?” Levi murmured, suddenly feeling the weight of his limbs take him away into sleepiness. He reached out for Erwin’s shirt, his fingers interwoven in the fabric, anchoring him to reality. He tried to pull it up over Erwin's head, but failed dramatically, huffing in frustration. 

“Sure thing,” Erwin muttered, stroking Levi’s hair, kissing his neck softly. But Levi made no move, essentially dead weight on the bed. He was just too tired.

As he drifted into sleep, just ever so slightly, Levi remembered why he was so tired. He hadn't slept much last night, worrying over the same thing that has haunted him his entire life. It was why he was so agitated all day, and all night, unable to relax without getting drunk. 

“Erwin?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t let anything… happen to Mikasa…”

And that was the last thing Levi said before falling asleep.

\---

“Good work on the Jane Doe case, Ymir,” Nile said as Ymir moved past him in the cafeteria line. “She gave you a glowing recommendation. It seems like you’ve got a knack for my specialty. You should think about Plastics as a career.”

Ymir internally threw up. She couldn’t think of anything worse than doing boob jobs day in and day out. No, Plastics was definitely not for her. Why was Dok even talking to her?

“I’m sorry, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.”

Nile’s eyebrow twitched, clearly annoyed. “That Jane Doe, I think you called her Christa? She was discharged today, and she gave you a great recommendation.”

_Oh shit. She left and I didn’t say goodbye._

“Excuse me, sir, I have to go now,” Ymir said, ditching her tray, running at full speed to the door.

All day she had been worrying about the kiss. Her rejection was for a good reason, but she shouldn’t have been so harsh. And now, it seemed, she had screwed everything up. Her favourite patient had left, most likely before she should have.

Ymir charged into Christa’s hospital room, now emptied and cleaned. The bed was freshly made, and her machines were put away. There was nothing but a simple envelope, laid on the end of the bed, with Ymir’s name written on the front.

Ymir ripped the envelope open, flipping the card to read.

_Thank you for everything, and I’m sorry - Historia_

The card fell to the ground as Ymir stood stunned. The handwriting was undeniably Christa’s, but the name wasn’t.

It could only mean one thing,

Remembrance.

\---

“Hey,” Levi muttered as he woke up, drowsy and confused. He saw Erwin laying beside him, scrolling through his phone.

Levi could feel the edges of a headache, a residual effect from all the alcohol he had drunk last night. His head wasn't pounding, however, and that was a good sign for a quick recovery. 

“How are you feeling?” Erwin asked.

“A little bit of a headache,” Levi muttered, smoothing out his hair. “I’m mostly feeling stupid for begging to suck your dick and not following through with it.”

Erwin chuckled. “It’s okay, I wasn’t in the mood anyway.” He reached over to the bedside table to grab a glass of water. “Here, drink this.”

“Do you just procure glasses of water from thin air or something?” Levi questioned, taking the glass. His boyfriend was weirdly resourceful, but it was damn helpful. “Thank you.”

“Water is good for you. You should drink more.”

Levi took a big gulp, sighing as the water ran cool down his throat. However, he was highly aware of Erwin’s staring intently at him. Levi could see that something was wrong, it was in the way Erwin’s eyes drooped with sympathy.

“Okay, spill it,” Levi said. “What’s wrong?”

“Last night, you said something before you fell asleep,” Erwin explained. 

A million horror stories started running through Levi’s mind, everything from insulting Erwin to calling out another man’s name. He hated how alcohol made his mouth so slippery, it was embarrassing. 

“Oh God, what did I say?”

“You said ‘don’t let anything happen to Mikasa’.”

Levi’s chest bottomed out as all his pent up emotions exploded inside. He had tried so hard to suppress this topic, but clearly his subconscious had other ideas. 

_Fuck._

“How do you know Mikasa Jaeger?”

Levi couldn’t even begin to answer such a simple question. He didn’t know for sure if Mikasa Jaeger, the one he had read about in that file, was _his_ Mikasa, the one he had grown up with. Sure, they shared similarities, but it was hard to confirm that they were the same.

He always thought, and believed, that Mikasa had died. He never stopped asking about her to his social worker, even years after his father was finally imprisoned. But the answer was always the same.

_“I can’t tell you anything.”_

Levi can’t say for sure that they are the same person, but he does feel a connection. His instincts tell him that it is her, without a doubt. 

“I think,” Levi said, with all the courage he could muster, "I think she might be my sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, you can find me @levierwins on tumblr. If you like this chapter and this story, comments are much appreciated and go a long way in terms of motivation.
> 
> On another note: if there's anyone who wants to beta this fic, please raise your hand. You'd be helping a lot. Thanks!!!


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